Polaris 2088: open to replies
'New attitude', new journal*.
*I think I 'got a fell' for how I type and I would rather do this than close my account and do this among other things all over again b/c I felt compelled to seperate myself from my older journalling habits. A journal which I feel was 'getting crowded':
https://www.7cups.com/forum/GeneralSupport_28/DiaryEntriesConnections_1597/OpentoanyrepliesDiaryofPolaris2088_207980/1/
A dark pt. of me is glad that certain members, the sort who would harass and goad persons talking about taking their own life and do the same to those trying to help seem no longer present in certain group chats.
When you miss a call by a counselor b/c of d--n mall music no one pays attention to >:| !!.
My problem is that I see final changes, the cessation of changes as an achievement. Hence,the contrarianism, the resistance, the rebellion as manifest from me*. There will be existentialism after an achievement--that is what apathy from other is in a sense, that is when you don't find yourself as thrilled as you thought you would be, that is what might count as 'anticlimatic'..it's not the same as finding tranquillity...but not stopping** changes b/c you keep on changing
*Existentialism is more 'realistic',more likely, more prevalent, more feasible, more ubiquitious--like an argumentum ad populum fallacy to an effect...but it's not fun, much fun at all in terms of sensation (ex?: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-ZfPYRkEGk )
**that achievement did not count for your last change, final change
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I did not vote for the party of the current Canadian prime minister.
@Polaris2088
thanks for sharing that video I really like this persons channel my mind needs time to think about that video what he said before I write on it but here is another good one of his I thought about perception > https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=AGvGQSazaTM
@jennysunrise8
Thank you for the response; lousy epistemology is still indeed a thing by those who 'practise' science.
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"Belief: propositional attitude of truth"--The Meaning of Knowledge: Crash Course Philosophy #7,3:40 w/Hank Green.
@Polaris2088
someone else just now learning about keep it coming 
for anyone interested ... https://www.cleverandcool.org/video/the-meaning-of-knowledge-crash-course-philosophy-7/
x moments to know something (exposure), x number of years for me to believe..in something.
https://thepopinsider.com/features/hey-arnold-creator-craig-bartlett-interview/
Craig Barlett-- "I pitched Hey Arnold! as a Charlie Brown for the 90s, a show about smart kids with big feelings."
'_' That I can see
and not only hear: Vince Guaraldi's and Jim Lang's jazz..
Theism need not apply:
Faith def'n's
Paul Tillich: 'ultimate concern'
a Unitarian minister during a service: 'patience with life'.
Here is where I observed what difference there is btw self-improvement v. self-acceptance
It's better to let a party which doesn't apparently adhere to increasingly unwieldy Western social theory*, socio-political theory to win an election earlier in a century than later lest you vote them in, in the midst of the heat of the pains of kyriarchic inequity or a sustainability crisis when they might well not be able to handle such issues any better than the more often voted in or recognized parties, by then =_= at least ; at least let the NDP or Green party serve one term 'experimentally' and then you may choose to remain complain-y about them.
* By that, I mean 'liberalism and conversativism'. Americans got that developed with (I believe(?) `_` ) Thomas Paine and Edmund Burke and it's painfully absurd how such concepts have been latched onto and still are by so apparently enough that the dangerous stereotype(s) and spectacle of binary party systems has prevalied in spite of how nominal the impact can be said to be when it comes to de facto leadership...=_= =~= *sigh*, it'd s--k if Canada remains stuck in something to the effect of 'stage 5' of this
https://www.integratedsociopsychology.net/wp-content/uploads/2016/12/Stratified-Democracy-2000.jpg
..out of some d--n false neccesity to emulate the U.S. rather than certain say the *govermental systems* of certain central and north-western European nations who for now seem to 'have it together' in terms of environmental and sustainability policies enacted.
**not the cultures ever overpraised for their apparent 'happiness'..>:I looking at you listeners and members of the Scanadanivian regions pretending that Lars Von Trier, Soren Kierkegaard and Ingmar Bergman don't or didn't exist, and the negligence of how societal issues like racism aren't a thing.
--Thankful to the Roberto Unger videos on 'Big think' viewed long ago about 'false neccesity' and 'social theory'..particularly the pt. about how ~'classical Western social theory' it's said that what is in the world is 'constructed', 'artifacts' brought to emergence through human involvement and choice in contrast to say 'organic emergence' (ex. Confucianism and it emphasize on family even when it was historically 'politically expressed' in say east Asian monarchs).
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*Sigh/deep breath* =_= '_'.. I can give in to a lot of tengents..but curse that ineffectual ramblings about over instituitionalized popularity contests will be one, short of me being 'an academic' who makes their living from this.
Your promp response is appreciated [..]. I still enjoy Ollie even if his videos are fairly lengthy and are somewhat more likjely to cover politics than before; I watched a 'Wisecrack' vid on 'Flatter earthers and science' which was actually a bit longer and find a painting of 'Gallieleo before the holy office' all the more significant b/c of that.
Good memory:
it's a bit difficult to explain..
I remember once going on a crowded bus into downtown as is usual when the demographic is students. That day I had a particularly heavy back-up and while trying to proceed to the back and walk up a back-step or two, my balance was unsteady and I felt like I was going to fall on my back 'turtle style' b/c of the backpack. Fortunately someone grasped my wrist or hand and prevented me from falling.
What is difficult for me to admit is how it was someone from an ethnic group, I have reservations for at times.
@Polaris2088
those learning times in life are the best memories when you realize things when your views on things have been challenged or proven wrong its something surprising for your mind that's not forgotten and glad you perceive it as a good memory it means your mind wants it to happen more and it is good its open to learning new ways of looking at things and doesn't stubbornly hold onto old ways
@jennysunrise8
'_' *sigh* indeed...s---ks that a trend to see 'certain persons, certain demographics' as having certain mannerisms b/c of a certain scarcity (or vice-versa) can make for a prevailing immutability in an 'illusory way'.
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I appreciate how Moby sampled folk songs for the Play album.
What Mexicans and Canadians both have in common is how much of the respective identities emerges out of an impulse to 'anti-Americanism'..in Canada specifically where the difference is less conspicious b/c of a Caucasian majority in contrast to the mainly mestizo fts Mexicans might be recognized for, it would mean the presence of say maple leafs on clothes and cliche 'slogans' or sayings that might come off as Canadian..'_' what I've had to wonder about is to be careful about how much of the 'I am Canadian' proclaiming has only really picked off since the current POTUS took office and really only b/c of that, instead of us remaining as fairly inconspicious* in terms of identity politics anymore than say Liechtenstein and Luxembourg do for French and German cultural connections next to France and Germany's 'world stage' reputations.."^_^ I realize how bizzare it could be to take up a hefty portion of a continent and not really get too much of a reputation for 'checkered doings'.
*even w/ internet culture and Drake ;I
Self-reminder: ~'Why patriotism' video on the channel 'Mexie'
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Old journal entries.
[presumably around 6-18-2k19]
Family is about ppl.
I am not " "
Hence it is unlikely I will ever be accepted by or form family.
I need to be accepting o'myself, before being accepting o'others.
It will take several yrs o'accepting myself.
Hence unlikely to form family.
So much for 'sexual ambitions'.
Advaita Vedanta
--nondualism & dialectical monism
Joseph Bologne, Chevalier de Saint-Georges
'Godzilla Earth' conclusion.
6-18-2k19
The last ways you know how to die.
' ' learn o'dying.
That 'friend' feeling is somewhere btw being a sibling or a cousin. Approaching a sibling or orbiting around a cousin.
7-3-2k19
Soon the '30 yr cycle' which Ellis made a video essay about media production will come to a 'full circle' encapsulation of the internet culture/ social media of this century & there will barely be an excuse to not have been aware o'it / seen it coming. It will barely be acceptable & there will barely be an excuse to not have been aware o'it / seen it coming.
Accepting myself first.
While 'The legend of Zelda' series and their stories and settings are 'understandably'/'recognizably' fantasy in that there are parrallels btw it and what pops up in the Western world when it comes to the post-Tolkien fantasy genre landscape, the settings and stories of the 'Mario' series are not so 'bonkers surreal' when you think how that kind of fantasy arguably has been done before. Before Tolkien, Lewis Carroll's 'Alice' stories and L. Frank Baum's entire 'Land of Oz' stories had their surreality--how many degrees off are those stories honestly from 'turtle' and 'mushroom' ppl being present, when you think about it?..
The sort of thing I would tell a listener but btw scrounging around for ~+20 minutes b/c of searching for one I think can be understanding, the connection time and the perfunctories of beginning and ending a conversation, on a day when I work no less, 'it's not really worth it' and hence me typing it up here..
In the street of townhouses where I live, the portion where I live had fencing installed months ago. Before then we/my family arguably had the 'largest backyard'* and it always perplexed me how barely anyone else ever really stepped out into their backyard often enough that you would get the idea that it's part of their living space/'property'. It was conveinent enough for our dog who could more often than not potentially go up and down 'backyards' when say spotting and chasing a squirrel.
However some months ago, since the fencing has been installed, ppl w/questionable living situations have (around night time most likely) been 'setting base', changing clothes and leaving their personal articles around. '_' `_` Having woken up today I have seen more luggage than usual and what seems like a blanket hung up--I suppose something about the apparent isolation about being the last fenced space of space on the block makes it more appealing to 'set up base'.
My mom is not around currently to say 'call the landlords(?)' or such and neither do I know the phone numbers.
*advantagously used for gardening to an extent
=_= Now this is the pt. where I try not to resent the community on this website for ditching me mid-conversation when a 'not to angsty (for me at least)' issue is brought up and in spite of us all being here on the basis of understanding mental health issues and however indeterminate the length it takes to explain such issues takes >:I , someone might find me bringing that up 'too teal deer' and I would be upset w/the thought of needing to find someone else for mere listening, not feedback per se.but the 'verification' that something which might impact my perception is also acknowledged by a peer in the 'homo sapien sapiens' ape experience via virtual verbosity.
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A profoundly cynical outlook on the human experience is to see 'a people'/'a nation' is 'only as good', 'only as appealing' as the demographics it has which are suitable to dating*
Hence my reservations for the 'Dating Beyond Borders' '~' Youtube channel 'being a thing'.
*or being a labour force if your really cynical about it/have different intentions
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@Polaris2088
The things you've mentioned about listeners are interesting to me. Although I realize it's self-centered, the first thing I wonder is wonder how I'd react if I were your listener. And whether my responses would be adequate or if I'd just be another person who increases the sense of alienation.
Things I'm hearing:
1) Listeners ditching due to wanting emotionality
Listeners ditching mid-conversation when you try to discuss something that isn't very angsty, as if they were thinking, "This person doesn't seem too upset, so I'm not sure if they really need me to listen to them or if my listening is really helpful or time well spent"
2) Listeners ditching due to length/impatience
Listeners ditching mid-conversation when you try to discuss something because of you writing a lot, and them not having the patience to follow the train of thought or trust that it's going somewhere if they give it time to evolve and demonstrate that they're listeners who are worth sharing with
3) Listeners being too passive
Listeners being completely passive and not engaging or giving any feedback that would suggest that they're really following, understanding, or caring about what you're sharing. [Or maybe I'm misunderstanding the "listening" vs. "feedback" distinction you're making.]
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I hope I'm understanding. Assuming that I am, the points you're making feel important and resonant for me.
1) Just because someone doesn't immediately appear to be super-emotional doesn't mean that the conversation is unimportant to them. They still want to be heard and they are expressing things in their own way.
2) As for verbosity or length, something I really enjoy as a listener is if I'm talking with someone and they're self-directed and share a lot. My favorite thing is when I sense another person naturally moving around or seeming to gradually get pulled toward the thing that matters to them. It's amazing how things travel around sometimes if they're allowed to do so without interruption/obstruction, and if as a listener I'm able to trust that the other person knows where they're going and has good reasons for sharing what they do. I'm not sure if a lot of listeners are aware of the fact that sometimes people get drawn like a magnet to what they really need/want to share if they feel heard, and that the starting point isn't always the same as the destination.
3) As for passivity, I know I tend to be a listener who wants to reflect content rather than sharing stuff from my side or having an equal dialogue. But I feel that even within that more passive style that I'm drawn to, there are subtleties and degrees of effectiveness in responsiveness. If the other person is sharing stuff, it doesn't feel sufficient for me to say nothing (unless if they are "on a roll" and I'd be getting in their way or interrupting). I need to say something to communicate, "I am hearing that you've said this, this, and this. Please confirm that I've grasped your meanings and am understanding what you're saying." I just imagine if I'm sharing stuff, the only way I'm going to feel like it's worthwhile for me to go deeper into myself or put time into expressing my story is if someone else is listening or following. Silence is really ambiguous. If my background experience/assumption is that most people who are silent/non-responsive are bored, distracted, misunderstanding, or annoyed by what I'm sharing, then that's how I'm going to interpret silence in a new situation.
@frigidstars27
Yes to (1) and (2). I would like to say how in regards to (3) the example I brought up about ppl ‘camping behind the backyard is an instant where I actually dont quite mind the passive feedback*. :I THANK YOU for the realization of ‘ 2) ‘ ..
"3) As for passivity, I know I tend to be a listener who wants to reflect content rather than sharing stuff from my side or having an equal dialogue."
I'm fine w/ and respect that..
"But I feel that even within that more passive style that I'm drawn to, there are subtleties and degrees of effectiveness in responsiveness."
..makes sense
If the other person is sharing stuff, it doesn't feel sufficient for me to say nothing (unless if they are "on a roll" and I'd be getting in their way or interrupting). I need to say something to communicate,"
Hmm,oookay..
"I am hearing that you've said this, this, and this. Please confirm that I've grasped your meanings and am understanding what you're saying." I just imagine if I'm sharing stuff, the only way I'm going to feel like it's worthwhile for me to go deeper into myself or put time into expressing my story is if someone else is listening or following."
Indeed 
or imagine the response w/the 'non-donkey parts': https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMaFjEH1B0g
"Silence is really ambiguous. If my background experience/assumption is that most people who are silent/non-responsive are bored, distracted, misunderstanding, or annoyed by what I'm sharing, then that's how I'm going to interpret silence in a new situation."
again makes sense
@Polaris2088
addendum to the last sentance:. maybe in a way it's why we we use the 'up arrows' at times as well.
@Polaris2088
it sounds like you liked the situation better before when there was no fencing of the yards it kept people inside and it was like you had one big yard all to yourself it was convenient for your dog also he could run and go where he pleased just this big open space you liked it ... now since the neighbors have fencing its much different people are coming out more fencing causes people to feel more secure and have a feeling of privacy and territory and so theyre coming out more and leaving their things out in the yard and over the fense - all of a sudden its like you have neighbors now people you have to see and deal with possibly and your not sure about their character .... so along with being inconvenient its also unnerving this fensing
im not sure what the landlord can do the neighbors feeling more comfortable and having things out in the yard is really the point in fensing unless they are breaking some community rule that they cannot put things out in their yard it sounds like its just a change that while its not breaking any rule just makes you uncomfortable
it could help at the beginning of the conversation with a listener to let them know that you just want to vent and dont really need a response if thats what your wanting to do its good to communicate your expectations with people people dont know what you expect unless you tell them the listener will assume your expecting more of a conversation and not just venting
@jennysunrise8
The dog is female but in regards to..
"it could help at the beginning of the conversation with a listener to let them know that you just want to vent and dont really need a response if thats what your wanting to do its good to communicate your expectations with people people dont know what you expect unless you tell them the listener will assume your expecting more of a conversation and not just venting it could help at the beginning of the conversation with a listener to let them know that you just want to vent and dont really need a response if thats what your wanting to do its good to communicate your expectations with people people dont know what you expect unless you tell them the listener will assume your expecting more of a conversation and not just venting "
agreed..
The reason for the handle 'Polaris' isn't so much out of a fondness for the 'north star' constellation as much as it is me erroneously having thought that old 'Atari era' game called *Lunar landing* was called 'Polaris'.
If watching movies or shows w/parents can be seen as bonding..
One show that me and my mom watch together at times is 'the 100' on 'Netflix'. Understand that while I got fatigued and sated by action genre shows* when I was younger sometime ago, I find that she benefits from me hanging around explaning a/o translating things occasionely**. Tbh I feel rather 'meh' about the show but can definitely understand how some find it enjoyable and it has it's following***. When it comes to genre shows, particularly apparently good long-running ones there are distinct challenges which come w/pulling that off and I have an admiration for seeing or knowing that was pulled off. This is based on a tetrology of YA sci-fi novels and it's been impactful not the least b/c maybe life imitates art or at least meaningfully influences it like a irl relationship decision made Eliza Taylor and Bob Morley*****.
I would like to say how as someone who relied on one of those Youtube 'summarize several seasons in say less than 25 minutes' videos to more fully understand what had happened moments before I watched season 6, episode 1 w/my mom, '~' season 5's luridness w/Octavia becoming ~'the blood reina' was off-putting for me..kind of like that one episode of 'Legend of the seeker' where Richard teaches a certain group of ppl self-defense for one reason or another but they become somewhat sociopathic/bellicose in retaliating and/or being excessively violent `_` and I think for some reason the episode ends w/Richard under high pressure to introspect by 'Zed', w/a lightning storm and all and he even tells him how he's upset inside for Zed not having told him, he was his grandfather earlier..kind of like that kind of 'off-putting-ness' but dragged over the course of a season even w/the helpful flashbacks like the time in the bunker and questionable cannibalism phase and how it eventually contributed to the divisive community, gladatior fights which I found so off-putting =~= "=_= ..
..heck, I'm surprised the show even continued w/a 6th season of 'going to yet another planet' but am glad that closure is arriving 'solidly' w/season 7. To me it would have made sense for the show to have ended sometime during season 4 or 5 (when Clarke and/or co. 'defeat' the hologram woman who runs a city) but this is from someone who hasn't read the novels.
*flippant-unrelated example; some have pro wrestling and the WWE--I have Pokemon
** `_` ._. always a bit pestered by when Spanish subtitles are not available..
***the laugh-out-loud dirty trashiness of 'the 100 cracked' videos xD
*****the last spoiled you'll ever need..;I
When you realize how your ability to look at someone for prolonged periods of time 'w/no problem' might be indicative of you having feelings for them or at least finding them attractive*.
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"Goal-Oriented Evolution: Animals are commonly described as having "used their evolution points toward" or "opted for" various traits, which reinforces the misconception that evolution is goal based. Justified as, in the context of the videos, evolution is the process of creating builds for the game. "
https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/WebVideo/TierZoo
Another (Youtube) channel w/a 'stimulating take' on nature/wildlife info- or edutainment
*coming from an autistic w/'eye contact making' issues...(the pondering) deciding whether you like someone is such a struggle.
@Polaris2088
..coming from an autistic w/'eye contact making' issues...(the pondering) deciding whether you like someone is such a struggle...it's like that Godfrey Reggio documentary 'Visitors'.