Polaris 2088: open to replies
'New attitude', new journal*.
*I think I 'got a fell' for how I type and I would rather do this than close my account and do this among other things all over again b/c I felt compelled to seperate myself from my older journalling habits. A journal which I feel was 'getting crowded':
https://www.7cups.com/forum/GeneralSupport_28/DiaryEntriesConnections_1597/OpentoanyrepliesDiaryofPolaris2088_207980/1/
That night Iast when I went on pornography—there is a helpline I have contacted on occasion in the past..the possibility of no one having been there to answer aside..one reason I dont call, I didnt call that time was b/c..I feel that the ppl I talk to, would wind up talking with ‘arent smart enough, ‘arent intellectual enough to process and bare w/what I would have to say short of an immediate emergency..
..goodness knows how much context is thrown to the winds when having an unambiguous *crisis* in contrast to ‘mere mainly internal shouting and crying angst which could validly lead to say an addiction lapse..
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Mushroom and cauliflower based dishes downstairs..going to try to apologize to my dad =_=
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When [name] explained/said ~my God respects that.., it makes it seem, it comes off when you really ponder it as more of an espousement of their personal version/vision of a deity in a monolatristic landscape.
Sometimes. I hate this scape. I am sick of this city. I am tired of this city. I am tired of this ‘living space. I am sick of this ‘living space. I hate this ‘living space.
*sigh*
.......I struggle to think, to accept..............that.......certain things are not competitions or against me........................-_-.........=_=.........b/c when I see how I have *two* journals there is a gnawing impulse to make sure both have the same number of entries, this one being the more 'present' oriented one....I can ponder about how this reflects my OCD related nature....the other being the more 'past' oriented...one.......I could have 7 entries in this one and 550 in the other one.....no shame, no shame.....f---k hegemonic masculinity's unwitting toxicity in making males have a hard time apologizing & w/forgiveness*..even btw family members of the d---n exposures and experiences unmutual, unsimilar to d---n kyriarchies different persons likely have.
*=_= SCREW Catholic confessional
Tratare de caller me.
..I could just as well have meant to say "cal*mar* me"..
The probability of the 'genderized b word' actually being used in reference to animals is about unlikely as a 'replace the f in fussy with a p' actually being used to refer to Felis catus nowadays. If the word wasn't originally misogynistic, it was always speciesist.
*chuckle*
I have been to a meditation retreat.
I remind myself of how fearful I am to look up the website again 
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As much as I realize, I need it, Im the sort of person who needs to exercise their upper body and arms but cant really do it w/out cocky ‘gym rat d—bags* who embody and represent what most of society wants most men to be, problematically.
* semi-unrelated is this article which still remains a fave https://medium.com/the-secret-history-of-america/douchebag-the-white-racial-slur-weve-all-been-waiting-for-a2323002f85d
'Day 2' of the 'Erin Motz 30 day yoga challenge' still remains one of the least pleasant exercise videos for me to follow.
@Polaris2088
That article is amazing. Hadn't seen it before.
Is it unpleasant as in the poses are physically uncomfortable, or as in the style/personality of the video feels incompatible?
@frigidstars27
Erin Motz is cool--the video itself with it's chest focus is strenuous.
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Traveling is important b/c it helps clear my mind. Traveling is important b/c it might get my mind off of shortcomings at work like being so slow I missed my break and I am apparently not storing the books meant for other locations to well in the bins/'crates'.
To Toronto--I don't get out very much.
@Polaris2088
i think this article makes a good argument about the problems with labels and how eradicating labels leads to people just being people - individuals
every person should have the priviledge to just be an absolute individual what its the truth its sad that so many new labels are being created by people new labels and micro labels for genders that are being carelessly created with no awareness of the past and how society reacts to labels discrimination and ignorance people being limited fear and hate it evolves into and yet no thought is being given to that at all as if human psychology and history dont matter at all and dont exist what we should be doing is doing away with labels and respecting the privilede that each person has a natural right to be an individual
@jennysunrise8
A therapist who I eventually revealed feelings for/*tranference* also said how society doesn't let us grow up w/out stereotypes.
@Polaris2088
it depends on the society and if the society values seeing each person as an individual or that people should be put in a group that is seen as different that some people are not apart of and then the mysterious group the mind imagines things about them (stereotypes) the human imagination when it comes to what it perceives as a mystery is just natural i think
W/mom and aunt in TO.
As ambivalent as I am to traveling, I will admit how being in a 'different setting of dinginess' helps me not think of c--y memories as much..
Meaning to eat, maybe I will continue later..
@Polaris2088
..so as much traveling to Guelph or Waterloo* on my own occasionally, might help.
*areas where during a now laughably naive era, I dreamt of making feasible ~+1 hr commutes to non-local postsecondary places.
D--n stupid, d--n annoying when your indigestion problems cause you to stay longer than usual in a washroom, your choicelessly there the while w/someone fairly likely smoking next to you and security arrives afterwards (nice security guard might I add) and you resent being hassled for the being speculated to be doing something when the source is someone you feel repulsed/find it difficult to sympathize w/.
Poetry audiobooks are easy to listen to.
'Hey Arnold' made good use of a jazz based soundtrack
A major problem and source of criticism with 'the Boondocks' animated series was how most ppl didn't realize you were suppose to watch it ironically..;I ?
"When a thing ceases to be a subject of controversy, it ceases to be a subject of interest."
— William Hazlitt
Frig do I wish this didn't lead to so many becoming apathetic -~- =u= ..
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Monotonicity.
