in the wonders of my mind💗.

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why’d that actually help distract me for a while

i genuinely feel so horrible tho I wanna skip to the next day 

whyy do I always hate people until they *** die or something and then I realize oh *** I didn’t actually hate them 

or I just distance myself from people so much to the point where it’s like we never knew each other and then I just lose everyone

but it’s never like me making everyone leave and then crying about everyone leaving but something always happens and it’s confusing 

in my dream my mom tried to kill me.

_{Tw stabbing killing iidk-}

_{I don’t know. I don’t know what it had to do with anything and why and what it could mean}

_{it was a longggg dream}

 _{I actually remember a lot. ish.} 

_{so. she lived far in this big dark ish place}

_{she wanted to kill me cause idk.} 

_{she had a bunch of daughters she was training (to kill me✨)}

_{one of her daughters was youngest and was supposed to pretend to be my friend and stuff}

_{and I didn’t trust her}

_{and then she took me to this place and then she felt bad and told me they were in there ready and it was all part of their plan}

_{so we ran out and I still didn’t trust her}

_{and then we went to her house}

_{and then her mom (my mom-?) came home and the daughter told her she had a friend over and then she was like oh aw bsjbejs}

_{and then she saw me and obviously thought I looked like me (she doesn’t know what I look like now irl but yk)} 

_{and I said my name was Nadia (it’s not✨) I make a lot of my accounts and stuff with the name Nadia}

_{and I was 9 years old and then I think the moms dad came and he saw me and he was like oh she looks so much like- me-}

_{its a really long dream but yk main bits} 

_{so a lot later I think we were playing a game and idk what happened my real voice slipped out I think and my hair tie fell out and then her mom realized it was me and I saw her holding a knife and I was just acting stupid then she tried to stab me and idk what I did but she fell on the floor with the knife under her pointing upwards so she stabbed herself then I was running out and trying to escape and all her daughters were there and idk what happened after} 

_:> 

_{I washed my hair today. I felt gross so I asked my dad if I could wash my hair and he looked at me so annoyed and he was like okay I’ll do it for you just wait and I was like bro never mind then cause what do you mean but later he was like youre gonna wash your hair and I was like yeah I want to and he was like okay go so. I washed my hair :> and then I spent a long time waiting for it to dry cause I’m scared I’ll somehow mess everything up using a blowdryer and then I spent a long time trying to straighten it and I straighten my hair almost everyday but today was the day to cry about having ugly natural hair and I was frying my hair so much that my lungs hurt and I put the ac so cold but it was still so hot and the air was like toxic} 

_{my hairs not completely fried tho. I used a heat protectant :> a natural heat protectant, argon oil apparently cause I just found a big bottle of it in front of my mirror so my hair feels better} 

I’m gonna continue soon I’m just resting-

_{I replied to the friend :’)}  

_{I decided to get up and get the hair straightening over with cause I don’t want to spend a long time on it in the morning} 

_{im still missing some bits :’) I’m so tired tho I got a chair and put it in front of the mirror like my back hurts my hands hurt my head hurts so bad my legs hurt it’s so hot the air is like suffocating} 

_{I forgot but :0 did anyone notice- my bios gone :> it’s been gone for I think over a month now? maybe in 2025 I’ll write up a new one lol}