in the wonders of my mind💗.

bro 

I jst came across my old forum post

”I’m not sure what to feel” 

firat of all

(my phone ran out of charge again why is this still here like 3 hours later 💀)

Is it rude to ask someone for money (genuine qs)

A couple of days ago I had this rlly long post talking abt stuff that’s been happening nd then

my brother deleted the tab by accident ;-; he didn’t see the tab like it wasn’t opened he jst closed all the tabs on my device

by accident

anyways 

I’m sorry if I’m not replying to anyone right now but look like

i say it

so often

but my life irl is like 😭 way too much. like way too many things happen in a day and like no *** something’s happening all the time for everyone but I mean like the kind of stuff you need a minute to process

or a couple of weeks

I had like 4 paragraphs after this trying to explain it nd I still can’t 💀 

It’s like

too much at once

like I’m never

free

i don’t even have time with myself like I don’t have time to process what happens in my days or think or anything like I’m jst saying I hope u guys understand 

I’m on here right now cs I’m trying to pass time 

I’m so hungry

im fasting ofc 

bro

first of all

my brother tried to wake me up last night to eat or drink water or smth before fajr nd I haven’t even eaten anything at the time since 2 days ago lunch at the time yesterday lunch but I ws so sleepy and way too comfy in my bed I jst told him I don’t want nd he kept insisting cs he knows I’m gnna get hungry nd I jst lied nd said I ate a lot I don’t want anything 

cap. I haven’t eaten anything

on top of that

i woke up 

so early tday 

like bro for what

nd it’s a weekend

and in general times passing so slowww tday 

bro

i don’t mind 

starving myself

jst cs like for example

im on a diet

or maybe I’m jst too lazy to eat or smth

but why am I so hungry when I actually don’t have the option to eat 

anyways

all of this yapping nd I haven’t even said Ramadan Mubarak 💀 

anyways

 Ramadan Mubarak ❤️❤️❤️ (to those who celebrate <3 and for everyone else, I hope you’re all doing well during the time🤍)

shimmyshimmyyadhimmyshimyshshshshsjyayayayaya

im soooo hungryyryyyy 

oh yeah

we’re invited somewhere with some ppl for iftar

im excited 

Theyre like family friends

i have no idea what that means but it feels right yk 

to me

its like

friends thatre like family 😂 

but like more like

our whole family 

and their whole family

are like friends

like my grandparents get along with their grandparents

the kids are like super close

that’s what I think when I think of family friends 

let me look it up

eh

same same

sorry guys I’m like tweaking I’m so hungry

5:03pm

we’re waiting until

6:21think

i think

…………

yk what I want rn

cane’s 😔 or dave’s hot chicken 😔 or wingstop 😔 or kfc 😔

I also want Krispy Kreme 😔 glazed doughnuts 😔 

I also want

mcdonalds vanilla icecream

i also want

sour cream chips/pringles 

I also want

mashed potatoes 😔 

I want

mac and cheese

and dino nuggets 😔 

be so fr how good does this look

nvm it won’t let me put it

I also want

mangoes 😔 that’s so random I completely forgot mangoes were a fruit

i want

sponge cake

or 

red velvet cake

pound cake 😔 

cookies and cream 😔 

oh my god.

i want cookie dough and cotton candy ice cream 😭 

istgg it sounds weird maybe but the first time I tried it omg

its so good 😭 

marble cake 😔 

vanilla cake 😔 

oh my god

i want an egg sandwich 

the way I make it

I’ve taught myself to make egg sandwiches for myself so good and like the best for myself and they’re sooooooooo good omg 😔 

i want

chocolate milk 

I want those pizzas with the cheese stuffed crust 😭 

i want seafood. I love seafood. I feel like anyone that hates seafood jst hasn’t gotten a proper taste if that makes sense 

like as a picky eater and istg I’m not jst saying that I literally pick out the little things in my bread these look

Those little things I take them out one by one everyone thinks I’m weird for that

there’s such a small amount of food that I’ll agree to eating

i dont like stuff in my food at all

if I’m eating a burger I’m taking out every single vegetable every single idk anything that’s not cheese and burger

Thats jst an example 

anyways I don’t rlly remember why this ws important

I want sandwich biscuits 😔 I want fluffy croissants 😔 

I want vanilla muffins 😔 or chocolate chip muffins 😔 

Bro I started spamming my keyboard so hard the whole screen paused and the keyboard disappeared

I’m so hungry. 

Ill eat anything 

well

not anything

maybe anything from the things I listed tho

those are jst foods I love but what I’m actually craving is what I said in the beginning 

“yk what I want rn

cane’s 😔 or dave’s hot chicken 😔 or wingstop 😔 or kfc 😔”

u guys need to understand how good the bread from cane’s is 😭 and the sauce 

and fries

and the chicken

I’ve always loved kfc 

like since I ws 

8?

idk 

I love love love spicy food sm

nd I lovevveveveve fries

nd I lovevevevveve fried chicken

i love like 

bro jst thinking abt the entire meal

the taste of like spicy fried chicken nd spicy fries nd the soda nd the sauce 

okay let’s stop

bros been yapping abt food for an hour now 💀 

ahshshsjmansh#ambshsnsjjd 😭 

I’m actually so hungry 😭 

It’s 5:42 now

im gnna go do smth with my life

bye guys

Bro I got tagged in someone’s appreciation thing nd all I can think is

who tf.

like

when 

huh

I dont even remember doing any of the things they say I did 😭 I don’t even remember them aslan I don’t remember talking to them 

I went through their posts 

looked at their acc like seeing if I remember anything

literally nth I don’t remember *** I don’t remember doing *** helping anyone doing any of that bro nd if it ws that long ago I’m surprised they still remember me 

I feel bad tho they seem so sweet 

hi sunniebean <3 I missed u 

@Sunisshiningandsoareyou

guess what guys

i finally ate 🥹

for the first time since

2 days ago lunch 

I was so hungry

im not even joking im trying to lose weight like mostly for myself tho not bcs I’m fat jst bcs id like to be a little bit skinnier nd not to mention I’m rlly rlly good at maintaining my weight 😭 like I said .45 stays .45 like for months

I feel like I look fat when I smile

not always tho

like cs I’ve been naturally smiling in a specific way nd it’s cute but it like spreads out all the fat in my face 💀 nd makes me look like I religiously eat like those ppl that try nd gain the most weight possible for body positivity or smth

those “my 600lbs life: Love Don’t Judge” videos

im not judging

but I look like I eat like the ppl in those videos

i sound like I’m judging..

bro idc abt anyone’s weight genuinely 😭

but the video I’m talking abt

the girl did some things that me personally I don’t respect people that do those things 

so

some ppl say like they don’t care abt what you look like how much you weigh any of that but as long as you respect urself enough to not let urself go not let urself become obese as long as you take care of your skin and hair and you feel good in your body and yadadsyaaabaalala)sn 

like bro

that means u do care

what if they do take care of themselves u jst think they’re ugly

hold up

worded wrong

also I don’t remember who said this but food isn’t just something u eat it’s also a coping mechanism

why did I start talking abt this again

oh right

i wanted to lose weight

i ws gnna exercise a lot everyday high cardio (while fasting)

obviously fast until sunset but then when we have iftar I ws gnna eat very little

and continue the cycle

so like that went well

anyways

im rlly rlly tired

also

I’m going out w my aunt I haven’t went out w my aunt in so long I miss her sm 

we’re going out tmrw

i did my brothers hair tday 

u don’t get it bro my brothers hair is even “worse” than mine

only reason I’m talking abt it like it’s bad is bcs every single time someone sees my natural hair which is literally like at the salon or smth before it gets done since I never wear my natural hair

they always talk abt it in a negative way

nd I’m talking abt the ppl doing my hair

the ppl that work there nd stuff

who the *** came up with the term “too curly” like since when was there a “too curly”

Its not that deep they jst like *** talk the texture *** talk how big *** talk how curly *** talk how hard it is to manage 

yk how beauty salons right

they have social media accounts and they might post things like before and after nails before and after hair 

i ws getting a keratin treatment

and istg 

for the before

they literally messed around with my hair so much and blowdryed it all up nd stuff jst to make it look “worse” nd *** then the afters supposed to seem better or smth

anyways wtv

i did my brothers hair

it took hours

it ws painful for us both

but it ws also kinda funny lmaoo

i detangled all of his hair it took over an hour

It took the longest

nd I “straightened” it

except it wasn’t like how you’d imagine it to look

you don’t get it my brothers hair is SO thick you can’t even imagine

so the straightest we cld get it is like 

eh

 stretched out poof

then I cut it

i only cut the littlest amount tho

my brothers hair is so healthy nd i know atp I’m glazing but bro

im so jealous

anyways

his hair is so healthy

nd thick

nd long

like detangled he had a whole big *** afro 

but yh i ws trying to jst cut “dead ends” or jst anything that ws more see through than the rest of his hair

nd i ws actually thinking abt the way i ws cutting too 

i made his hair look fuller nd healthier nd bouncier nd rounder😁

im so proud of myself

then he washed it

nd used tips that i gave him 😁😁

his hair looks so good

anyways I’m actually rlly tired bye

 NOOOOOOO

i ws abt to sleep like right here jst cs that’s how sleepy i am nd i started rubbing my eye for no reason at all nd i jst remembered I’m wearing makeup 😔 I’m way too lazy for that no 😭 

I’m actually so tired 

we’re invited for iftar again tmrw too

then I’m going out 

2 separate times

with 2 different grps of ppl 

euuuuuuyhghehshab

i slept next to my dad yesterday 

cs I’m stupid 

nd also I ‘pet having nightmares 

not even like sad nightmares or smth nightmares that were genuinely so so scary 

nd then there wld be that one rlly scary bit nd like

sometimes I’m trying to wake up that ws in the like later nightmares cs obviously I realized I kept dreaming 

cs it ws like 1am right

i ws so so so sleepy

i ws watching tv outside

on a couch

nd

i js fell asleep

nd I woke up like 3 times trying to close the tv cs I kept falling asleep and not managing to

tge third time I woke up I closed the tv nd fell asleep again 

thats when I started having nightmares

nd istg they kept getting worse

every single time I closed my eyes id have another nightmare

like the first nightmare ws smth related to my friend nd it wsnt that deep I ws jst rlly sad abt smth 

nd I woke up

barely processed bcs I’d be waking up nd falling asleep again so quick

so I woke up

didnt even look around or anything I genuinel6 didn’t have the energy to even move my head

or my eyes

idk why

I ws jst rlly tired

so I jst told myself like okay it ws a dream ur good 

fell asleep a second later

had another nightmare

work up

fell asleep

another nightmare

woke up

fell asleep

nd the time between the time id wake up and fall asleep again is literally like seconds

the last nightmare I had ws the first one where I actually realized I ws dreaming 

but when I tell u 

it was

so

so

so

so

sopsos

soooo relaistic

i didnt even care if it ws a dream or not I jst wanted to get out of it

i kept trying to wake up

i ws closing my eyes rlly hard nd opening them rlly wide rlly fast I have no idea why but it actually works like every single time

if ur trying to get out of a dream

i guess I’ve been in that situation a lot to know that 

anyways 

u only have to do it once

but for some reason

it didn’t work 😁

I got out of the dream right

but I ws still asleep

like I cldnt see anything

how does any of this even work or happen I have no idea

i did it again

i woke up

everything looked normal except like my vision ws rlly bad 

nd also smth ws next to me like idk how to explain it

its a big couch

I’m sleeping like horizontally like all my body is stretched out on the couch 

im sleeping on my uhh

left

side

i, getting better at rememebrring my left from my right 😁

but yeah so

yk how a couch is like 

idk how to explain it

but there ws some box Like thing infront of me 

I have no idea why but I like hit it off the couch cs I got scared 😭 

then I closed my eyes

then

finally

i ACTUALLY woke up 😭 

I jst needed anyone there since yk it ws dark empty no one ws around in that living room it ws jst me 😁

if I went next to my brother he’d actually like beat me up in his sleep or smth 

while hes awake too

next to my dad is jst him on his phone I’m on the other side of the bed he didn’t touch me he didn’t do anything I jst needed to know someone ws there

anyways

he always locks the door to this room before he leaves the house

im surprised he didn’t wake me up nd kick me out so he cld lock it

So now I’m in his room 

nd everything he hides is here

this isn’t tday this ws like last week I’m way too tired to go through anything or even get up rn but yeah last week I found smth hes been hiding in his closet like behind his clothes nd I genuinely never thought I’d see that again

he hides all sorts of things here

anyways my fingers are numb but I’ve been like pushing through throughout all of this so 😭 bye guys 

Hey lovely. Thinking about you (and everyone) Hope this week was easier 💐💐