just venting and letting things out
I'm currently writing this when I know I should be studying instead.
I'm a sophomore in college (it's online now, because of the pandemic). I haven't slept in two days. I just want to sleep. I really just want to be able to sleep and close my eyes without worrying about academics or all the other pending work I have. That's really all I want.
I'd take a gap year if I could, even drop out maybe, but I can't afford to. It sucks because I'm not even really learning that much through this online setting. I feel so lost all the time and I just want to pause and rest for a while. I stayed up the past two nights working on an assignment, only to have it completely revamped and edited. I genuinely don't know why I still keep on going. I can't picture myself in the future anymore... I just need to get things done and the assignments pile on one after another and it just gets too much.
I just want to sleep for a full eight hours. I want a break but I can't afford to have one. I don't really know anymore, it gets so difficult to balance everything that I just wanna escape. I don't even know if it's worth it anymore — to go through all this trouble for a diploma. I mentioned it already: I can't even picture myself in the future. I feel so overwhelmed and empty at the same time. I know I'm still young and I have a lot of time to figure things out. I think I just overthink too much and I take thigns way too seriously, but I do that because I feel like time keeps running out.
I apologize for rambling on and on. I haven't posted on a forum here before and I don't have time to chat with a listener about this. I just needed to let this out somewhere. If anything, I just hope I'll be able to sleep peacefully one day.
@geemaster
( hii , I am not sure, you've invited replies here , but I'd just wanted to tell you , you do not have to apologize for expressing what's troubling you, this is your safe space, feel free to use it to share / offload anything you'd like, if you don't find chatting to listeners in 1 on 1 feasible due to time and availability constraints , sharing here is super okay too, or if some listener agrees with an offline messaging so that you dont have to make yourself available for a set time but can say how you're doing and the listener can reply when they come online again and so and so forth , it's so needed to have a let out space, else we keep bottling things inside and it can get hard and draining, specially with all the stress pertaining to studies and assignments piling up, it's so understandable to overthink things,you're definitely not alone and there's nothing wrong in deep thinking about things affecting us or being uncertain about future, so understandable and valid to feel anxious about life ....I hear ,it's making you lose sleep too :( ....I hope you can relax for a bit too, and hopefully can fall asleep for a while soon . Sleep is certainly so needed for healthy functioning of mind and body, and not getting enough or any of it, can be really frustrating and affect our health . Sending you warm hugs and beams of strength, you've got this, just one step at a time ❤)
@geemaster- hope you dont mind another reply. Just wanted to let you know your concerns were heard. You sound like a conscientious person with a lot on their plate. Your stresses are significant- a lot for a young student. I am assuming young- in college. Hopefully life will start to even out this summer- perhaps in person classes would feel more normal for you. As a senior person the one thing I regret in my life is not finishing my degree. I hope you can get some rest- sounds so hard staying up for several nights to complete school work. Wishing you the best. Take care.
@barncat Hi, I don't mind having people reply to this. I really appreciate this message. Lately, I've been feeling like the amount of work I do doesn't pay off, and it feels a bit demotivating. I guess that's why I can't seem to picture myself in the future anymore. It's a bit unclear why I try to keep going when I'm only tiring myself. Still, I thank you for this message. I haven't really felt any support from others in a while, since I think we're all struggling, but this helped me. Thank you. :)
@geemaster- You did take an important step in joining this community- there are lots of members and listeners here to support you. Your journey matters- each of us as individuals make up the whole. Granted it is overwhelming when the hours you are devoting to studies may seem pointless, but believe me when I say that someday you will be grateful. We never know what each day will bring in our life. Your place may not have been revealed yet- hidden behind a frail curtain. WHen my mind is cluttered with "why try" it is a challenge to imagine what my best life would look like- and paint a vivid picture of that future. I send you hope and that you matter- I care. Hugs.
