A Boundless Path 💜
I will be writing about DBT and Buddhism and my mental health.
@SkillfullMeans
Ur journal is amazing, there's sooo much information. Thank u for letting me see it, It has DBT information that my therapist hasn't told me. I successfully sent the message, thank u for going through the Rollercoaster of that craziness, it shouldn't have been soo hard. Is it ok if I read through the info in ur journal over the next day or two? I don't have time to read everything right now
@K87
Oh yes whenever you have time, if you want. It's off of chatgp so they will change it a little from our thearipists. Have a good night!
@SkillfullMeans
U, too as well as a good rest of ur weekend. Thanks for helping me
@SkillfullMeans
Chatgp
Perfect 🌿 — let’s connect interpersonal values with DBT’s Interpersonal Effectiveness skills (from Marsha Linehan’s framework).
DBT teaches how to maintain relationships, self-respect, and objectives in communication — and each skill is rooted in key interpersonal values.
💬 DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness & Core Values
| DBT Skill | Stands For | Interpersonal Values it Embodies | How It Shows Up in Action |
|---|---|---|---|
| GIVE | Be Gentle, Interested, Validate, Easy manner | 🌸 Kindness, empathy, respect, compassion | You listen mindfully, show genuine interest, validate others’ feelings, and use warmth — this reflects 仁 (rén) in Chinese values and loving-kindness in Buddhism. |
| FAST | Be Fair, no Apologies (for existing), Stick to values, be Truthful | ⚖️ Honesty, integrity, self-respect, fairness | You act with self-respect and authenticity. You honor your own moral boundaries while still respecting others. |
| DEAR MAN | Describe, Express, Assert, Reinforce, Mindful, Appear confident, Negotiate | 💪 Courage, responsibility, cooperation, assertiveness | You communicate clearly and effectively — balancing honesty with consideration, aiming for win–win solutions. |
| Mindfulness in Relationships | Staying present and aware during interactions | 🧘 Empathy, non-judgment, patience | You stay emotionally grounded, listen deeply, and notice when emotions could lead to conflict. |
| Validation | Acknowledging another’s feelings and perspective | ❤️ Compassion, understanding, respect | You help others feel seen and accepted, even if you disagree — builds trust and connection. |
🌼 Summary Connection
- Interpersonal values → guide intentions (why we act).
- DBT skills → guide behaviors (how we act).
So when you use GIVE, FAST, or DEAR MAN, you’re practicing applied pro-social values like empathy, honesty, and fairness — just in a structured, skillful way.
Would you like me to make a chart that links Chinese pro-social values (like ren, li, he) with DBT interpersonal values side by side? It can show how they align beautifully across traditions.
🌻Me
I have been reading the 7 cups book. I really agree and enjoy the philosophy. Kindness is revolutionary in our culture. I have always not understood why people are mean to each other, I still don't really.
I am committing to learning the 7 cups program.
I am absolutely sure I have become dependent on the chemicals released with loving kindness. I can feel the bodily changes.
It took me many years of dbt to get to where I am with states of.being. I basically had to relearn almost everything! It is so worth it. If I can do it others can too. 🌺
@SkillfullMeans
Wonderful 🌿 — here’s a comparison chart showing how Chinese pro-social values and DBT interpersonal values share deep common ground.
It highlights how Confucian, Taoist, and Buddhist ethics overlap with Marsha Linehan’s DBT approach to wise, compassionate relationships.
🧭 Chinese Pro-Social Values ↔ DBT Interpersonal Effectiveness Values
| Chinese Value (with pinyin) | Meaning / Emphasis | Parallel DBT Value or Skill | Shared Essence |
|---|---|---|---|
| 仁 (Rén) | Benevolence, humaneness, compassion for others | GIVE – Gentle, Interested, Validate, Easy manner | Empathy, warmth, and kindness in relationships |
| 礼 (Lǐ) | Respect, propriety, appropriate behavior | GIVE – Gentle & Easy manner / Mindfulness of others | Respecting boundaries, tone, and social harmony |
| 义 (Yì) | Righteousness, doing what is morally right | FAST – Stick to values | Integrity and ethical consistency even under pressure |
| 孝 (Xiào) | Filial piety, care and gratitude toward family | DEAR MAN – Reinforce & Assert with respect | Balancing self-expression with care for close relationships |
| 忠 (Zhōng) | Loyalty, faithfulness, sincerity | FAST – Be Fair & Truthful | Honesty, reliability, and relational commitment |
| 恕 (Shù) | Empathy, forgiveness, “Do not do to others what you do not want done to yourself” | Validation / GIVE – Validate | Seeing from the other’s perspective; responding with compassion |
| 和 (Hé) | Harmony, balance, peaceful coexistence | Mindfulness in relationships / GIVE – Easy manner | Emotional regulation and calm presence that prevents conflict |
| 信 (Xìn) | Trustworthiness, keeping promises | FAST – Truthful / DEAR MAN – Reinforce | Building trust through honesty and reliability |
| 慈悲 (Cíbēi) | Compassion (Buddhist ideal) | Validation / GIVE | Active kindness and nonjudgmental acceptance |
| 中庸 (Zhōngyōng) | The “Middle Way” or moderation | Dialectical thinking in DBT | Balancing opposites—self-respect and relationship respect, emotion and reason |
🌺 Summary
- Chinese ethics focus on moral harmony and social balance.
- DBT interpersonal skills focus on self-respect, effectiveness, and empathy.
- Both cultivate wise, compassionate interaction — integrating heart (empathy) and mind (skillfulness).
Would you like me to make a visual chart or infographic version of this (for example, something you can use in study notes or teaching materials)?
Chatgp
I have worked hard on my personal values, goals, and increasing positive mood states, in the last year. I have used my diary card to encourage this. (I don't have self destruction issues any more. ) my dbt skills coach, cheered me on with this.
Now I want to turn my focus to enjoying harmony with other people. 7 cups will help and support me in this.
I am going to add pro social goals to my diary card. For me I believe in learning and practicing these skills. I can create the self I want to be. After a ton of work!
harmony
I'm excited to hear how your journey goes I'm wishing you all the best! 💜
I'm excited to hear how your journey goes I'm wishing you all the best! 💜
Aww thanks so much! 💛 💙
@SkillfullMeans
@SkillfullMeans
@SkillfullMeans
QuiteMagic, if you are here 🤗if you can't read this can you send Google trans info again? If you can read it I will keep doing them this way.
Hope your day is good!
@SkillfullMeans
Sure, here you go!
Radical Acceptance - DBT inspired
I am having trouble accepting deep down, in my soul, that my daughter has Borderline Personality Disorder and Addiction issues.
She had a liver transplant last year. She is an alcoholic, 40 years old. She hid the extent of her drinking from all of us, even her husband.
She is sober now, but has switched addictions and is not very happy. She looks and sounds angry much of the time. She is grumpy, rude to me most of the time. I had a skills coach, DBT, last year and we tried every change tactic we had. We live together in a family house. Neither of us can be told we have to move. We are stuck here with each other.
I am fighting the reality that she is mean most of the time. Every since her transplant, and quitting drinking she has been this way. (Dry Drunk?, BPD?, just anger at me?)
I had her when I was 17, when I had my own mental health + addiction problems going on. She has alot to feel angry about and there has been no trying to work it through. I have done my amends and changed who I am and how I live. Can't really do anymore.
I need to practice accepting she is most likely going to stay mean.
Marsha Linehan suggests to do opposite action of what I would normally feel, Angry. Opposite action for anger would be: Gently avoid the person you are angry with, take a time out, Be Kind (Rather than mean or insulting) Imagine having empathy, imagine good reasons for what has happened. Step into her shoes, see it from her point of view.
Imagine believing what you don't want to accept. That she is a very wounded, hurt person, full of shame, that boils over at me. What would I do if I accepted this? I would feel compassion. I know how it feels. I would breathe in the pain, accept it, let it flow out. I will have kind eyes, soft expression, relaxed body. I will radiate loving kindness for both of us. I will not resist the bad mood. I will know it is not mine to fix. I will feel sad that it is this way, but it is.
I have tried everything to change it. I did the same disrespect, hatred, meanness to my mom and she didn't deserve it. I felt awful every day. Emotional flooding, my daughter has the same. I accept it is what is happening. Don't condone it.
@SkillfullMeans
That's a nice application of empathy, especially the idea of "when I was younger I did something similar and I was pretty unhappy, so I can understand what it's like to be that way and how it's kind of a vicious cycle that's pretty difficult to get out of". Also like the honesty of "this is what's happening" coupled with "I don't have to condone it"
@QuietMagic thanks so much! I😊
