Why does love make me nauseous
I've recently come out to my mother as ace, and I've been out as bi for a year now.
I know ace is different for anyone, but the whole sex thing, it bothers me. If I read about it or here about it on TV I immediately get all gross and I get thus feeling in my gut which I can only describe as "never again" but I have never so that's weird.
Any who, moving on. I've recently grown close to my old crushes ex boyfriend, and he loves me. I think I love him, all great.
But then why does thinking about being around him make me nauseous? I think it may be anxiety or the fact that I'm ace and he's not i really don't know. But I want to be around him and j want him to hug me, and it also makes me nauseous. Maybe someone here has had a similar experience and can help.
Some more context. I have really bad trust issues and abandonment issues, so I come across as distant and then desperate. I do not like being touched very much. And if I do it's either quick little hugs or by people I really like. I most likely have social anxiety, and that may be a part of it.
I haven't seen hkm in a month and i really just want to hug him without throwing up. If anyone can help that would be awesome
@Jefferythebunny319
Hello!
I think it’s nice that you want to give him a hug.
Try baby steps and see what you are comfortable with<3
It’s okay to not like physical contact as well 😊
Sending hugs. 💛✨
@Jefferythebunny319
As you say ace can include a range of reactions and responses to sex, including but not necessarily sex repulsed. It can also include an aversion to touch of any kind.
As for why feeling attracted to someone may create nausea, it sounds like it could certainly be anxiety related. With concerns about differing sexualities and how to navigate an ace/non-ace relationship if that were to happen, while it seems wanting that relationship. Worrying about abandonment and having an attachment style that can fluctuate from distant to "desperate" as you say while combining it with social anxiety certainly seems like lots of sources of nauseating anxiety.
Personally, when initiating a relationship with a non-ace partner I do find that it's important to address those differences fairly early and clearly. Communication is important. For example some ace individuals will engage in sexual behaviours with a non-ace partner, but that doesn't mean all will or that all should have to. So it can be good to set clear expectations of what will or will not be possible for you. Perhaps you may find you can also address general physical affection, how you feel about touch/hugs etc.?
If you are able to communicate your boundaries and what you feel willing to explore around those boundaries, for example if you would like to hug him more fully, do you think that would help you feel less anxious? It also sounds like for you that kind of hug may require pushing your personal boundary?
I find being able to stop as soon as you need to with a partner who understand and respects that need without taking it as a personal slight helps when I'm trying to expand my boundaries. Though another important consideration when trying to push our own boundaries can be this: Is it a boundary you personally want to extend, or one you feel like you have to extend to make someone else happy?
It can be challenging to navigate a world where physical affection and sexual affection have become synonymous with romantic affection when we are ace or touch averse, but hopefully with communication and understanding you can find a relationship that works for you with only the "good butterflies."
Thank you all much for your help and all your help. It really helped greatly :)