not knowing if i
Hello!
Ive never been attracted physically or sexually to people before, however Ive never felt like identifying as asexual because theres always the possibility that I might be attracted to someone later.
Ive found myself enjoying nsfw content (mostly about women) or fantasizing about women, and my only dating experience (which was with a guy) made me realize that I am not sexually attracted to men, but I believe I can have romantic feelings for them.
However, I have never had a crush on anybody, nor have I felt attracted to anyone. Which makes me confused: am I a (biromantic? panromantic?) asexual, or am I just a lesbian that tries to convince herself she feels attracted to men to not feel excluded?
(I should also add that I rarely find boys good looking, whereas I often find girls pretty.)
Thank you in advance for your answers!
The questioning phase is never easy, I know! One thing that you may find confusing is basing your identification on your past experience of dating, crushes and so on. Many people do that and it may be misleading, because your orientation is not based on experience, but rather on your potential attraction. The question is: do you feel like you could potentially be attracted by men or women, in a sexual or romantic way? Rather than looking back, look forward: try to imagine yourself with men and with women, in sexual or romantic contexts, and see how that makes you feel. If any of these fantasies feels good to you and you believe you'd be happy in that context, you can base your identification on that. After all, your orientation is nothing more than what you feel you are!
If you have more doubts, specific questions, thoughts about this that you'd like to share, I'm here!
@Aayla
Hi, thank you for taking the time to answer!
Theoretically, I could see myself in a romantic relationship with a man, but not necessarily engage in sexual activities with him. (The thought of it makes me feel indifferent: I wouldnt mind it, but I dont know if it would make me feel anything.)
I could see myself dating a woman, however I hardly imagine myself having romantic feelings for her. I still would enjoy engaging in sexual activities with her, I believe.
The thing is: even if I theoretically feel attraction, the application isnt as compromising. I dont feel sexually attracted to people. I dont find them hot or sexy, I just find them aesthetically pleasing to look at. Same thing for romantic attraction. I can hardly set a line between romantic relationships and platonic relationships. Going on a date with someone for the first time feels like meeting with a friend more than a potential futur partner.
That would make me...a heteroromantic lesbian in theory, and an aromantic asexual in practice.
This may be confusing and complicated to visualize, and probably not very common. But if youve heard of a situation like mine before then I would be glad to hear your thoughts on it!
@lau0111 it's not alwats easy to draw a line between different types of attraction. It may be that you do feel sexual attraction to women but you have a low sexual drive and aren't generally very interested in that type of activity, it may be that you can feel a deep emotional/intellectual connection with men and it's on the borderline between platonic and romantic...
In general, I'd say you made a very good analysis of your situation. It seems you're on the borderline between heteroromantic homosexual and aromantic asexual. It could be that you lean more towards the one or the other depending on the occasion, on the specific people involved, or simply on how you choose to look at things and classify them. Which could absolutely be: orientation are often more a spectrum than a clear-cut categorization.
The best thing to do would probably to just live your life and doing what makes you happy without labeling yourself. Or you could identify with one thing or the other depending on how you feel in a specific moment of your life. The biggest difficulty would be to explain to others how you feel, but the fact that it may take more time than simply using a label doesn't mean that you can't be understood and accepted for who you are.
