i feel as though i'll never be accepted.
i feel like i'm never going to actually be accepted. my family is christian and obviously, homophobic. i won't ever be able to date the girl i love because my parents wouldn't ever permit it. if i ever came out, my relationship with my dad would shatter and we'd never be able to get along like we do now and that thought breaks me. my grandparents, who i share a really dear relationship with, would also be so ashamed in me and likely wouldn't even come to my wedding if i had one. these thoughts hurt so bad. if i was ever to be who i really am, i'd be sacrificing all my relationships and the dear memories i have with them. i don't want to lose those things. i don't want to lose the people i love. but they'll see me in a new light as soon as i tell them, and treat me as though i'm repulsive or some sort of joke. this is something that drags me down almost every day. just typing this out makes me want to sob. out of the few people i have told about my sexuality, at least half have rejected me and cut me out of their lives. it hurts so bad. what is it about me that's so disgusting that you feel the need push aside all of our past good memories and our close friendship to tell me that i'm going to burn in hell and then completely replace me? i feel so lost.
@apple3pie I'm so sorry you're going through this lots of hugs if accepted
@apple3pie
This one impacted me, especially how you ended it. I wish I knew what to say to actually make it better somehow. It's sad that we have to associate Christianity with homophobia. If more of them were true to their own values of not judging others, it wouldn't be looking more and more like a religion of hate instead of a beacon of light to everyone outside of it... And cutting someone out of their life for not being straight or supporting policies banning LGBTQ rights is absolutely judgment. There are a lot of Christians who actually do accept and care about others, but not enough can be sincere like that.
This is coming from a straight guy (though I have lightly tested that) who was raised Christian, and cannot follow the religion anymore. Unfortunately, a lot of the people I've had thrown in my life to associate with are much like the ones who won't accept you... If I wasn't straight, I feel they wouldn't only refuse to accept it, but they also wouldn't accept me as a whole. That thought is really sad to me. I disagree with a lot of things about them, but I can't bring it to a level of hate like they do. I haven't cut them out of my life, but there's quite a few that I've distanced my relationship with lately. I feel like the most I can do otherwise is walk the walk of my values... Resist judging others, promote others having the courage to be themselves and thrive, put communication first, etc.
I really hope, all said and done, that you can have all of these relationships in a peaceful place. Some might get strained, but I hope you find a circle of close loved ones that love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.
@Torean thank you so much for your kind words, it means a lot. i appreciate what you said :)
