How to feel comfortable being trans?
Hello, i am a binary trans man. I'm turning 22 very soon and kind of realized, that my 10th anniversary of coming out is coming soon as well. Even though i have been on this journey for a while, i still have not found my peace with my identity.
How can i feel more comfortable being trans? Is that even possible or is it out of reach for me? I don't want to be seen as "the trans guy". I find that kind of condecending. Right now i am almost fully living stealth, but recently have come out to some peers because i joined a trans support group for a couple times. Didn't make me feel any better.
Somehow i was left with the feeling that i am somehow a backstabber because i want to be stealth and somehow i am transphobic because i want to pass as cis. How can i ever find peace when my own community attacks me and makes me feel like an outcast, or am i wrong to want to pass as cis and not seen as trans?
To me being trans isn't fun. It's not a part of my identity. Gender isn't something i want to "play with" or "break gender roles/stereotypes". My gender is man, 100% and i want to be traditionally masculine and a stereotypical guy because those things and traits make me happy and make me feel at home, but somehow other people make me feel like the enemy/the bad guy for wanting so.
I just want to stop hating myself. I want to stop mourning the fact that i will never be a cis man. How can i achieve that? Are there other people who share these feelings?
@bubbleTangerine1607 There are definitely people who share those feelings. Making peace with being trans is a part of transition. You're not bad for wanting to be a certain way, even if that's as close to cis as possible. Some people will probably always give you a hard time.
I've been working on accepting things like this, too, and it's hard. It's as hard as knowing the terrible things that happen every day in the world and accepting them. That's not the same as thinking they're okay; it's just knowing that fighting endlessly against things you can't change will only cause you harm. Look into "radical acceptance". For me, I have BPD, so I started going through a DBT workbook that covers similar things. There is also a queer and trans resilience workbook that might help.
@bubbleTangerine1607
I'm a trans male as well, and i don't come anywhere close to passing - although what i would like to do is the same thing as you. My advice: anyone who shames you for what you want is a jerk and you should ignore them. I know that's easier said than done, but bottom line, people who think you're transphobic for wanting to pass is completely ignorant.
