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7 years of hiding and pain in a strict society

User Profile: Rainy2017
Rainy2017 March 8th

Hi. I live in a very conservative society where expressing my true identity is impossible. For 7 years, I’ve been struggling in silence. Gaming is my only escape; it's the only place where I can play as female characters. It makes me so happy when other players perceive me and treat me as a girl—it's the only time I feel 'lighter' and at peace. This double life is so painful that I have started hurting myself because I feel trapped. How do you cope with this pain when you can't be yourself?

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User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 March 8th

@Rainy2017

🥺

I'm so sorry you cannot be free to be you.

I'm glad you've found a platform where you can express yourself .

It sounds very draining to live in secret and in fear 🧡

i-love-you-love-you.gif

2 replies
User Profile: Rainy2017
Rainy2017 OP March 8th

Thank you, Amanda. It really means a lot to hear this. It's the first time I've ever shared this with anyone, and your words make me feel a bit less lonely.

1 reply
User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 March 8th

@Rainy2017

A pleasure 💜 

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User Profile: Aayla
Aayla March 10th
@Rainy2017 there's nothing wrong with who you are and you shouldn't pay the price for other people's intolerance. You have a right to be who you are. If other people are not willing to show you the love you deserve, then show that love to yourself first. You deserve it.
It's tough to cope, for sure, and it would be really helpful to have someone supportive by your side, even just a few people so that you don't feel completely alone. Is there anyone you could trust with this? Or maybe any meeting places for LGBT+ people near where you live - queer organizations, circles and such - where you can get in contact with people with similar experiences and support each other?
It's great that you have a supporting mechanism through gaming, and maybe you can even discover more coping mechanisms with time. You can give yourself the time and space to experiment and express your identity - even just in the safety of your own home - and maybe to express yourself through the way you look or other things that make you feel more confident in yourself.

Whatever happens, don't let the hate get to you. No one can decide who you are, only you know that.
You are a woman, and you deserve freedom and love just like everyone else.
1 reply
User Profile: Rainy2017
Rainy2017 OP March 10th

Reading 'You are a woman' made me so emotional and happy. I don't even know what to say, but thank you for seeing the real me. It means more than you can imagine so thanks 😢🩷

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