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Coming out at work?

User Profile: ConureConnor
ConureConnor March 17th, 2025

I'm really struggling as a closeted trans man at work right now. I absolutely love my job and most of my coworkers, but I just have not felt confident enough to come out to anyone at all. Working 40 hours a week and constantly being seen and referred to in a way that makes me incredibly uncomfortable has taken it's toll on me emotionally. I feel really, really disconnected from myself, and my relationships, even with people that know of my identity, have all started to suffer because of it.

Has anyone else felt this way? Is anyone else struggling with deciding whether or not it's a good idea to come out at work? Has anyone here actually made the decision to come out at their workplace? if so, how did it go? Do you feel better than you did before you came out? Or do you feel like the reaction you got actually ended up making things worse?

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User Profile: Aayla
Aayla March 18th, 2025
@ConureConnor hi! I'm not trans so I'm not sure how much I can help you through this, but as we wait for someone with a similar experience to share it here, I'd just like to show you some solidarity. It must be incredibly tough to be constantly invalidated as the person you are, and yet fearing the consequences of showing your true self. 

I don't think there's really a right or wrong thing to do in these cases, every choice comes with a risk and a possible rewars, it's all about figuring out what's worth the risk and what type of sacrifice you can bear to make. It shouldn't be this way, and I'm really sorry. I hope you can find a support network, both online and in real life, with people that love you and accept you for who you are.

If you eventually decide to come out at work, make sure to choose well who you'll first come out too. In every place there are always people who are more supportive and other that are intolerant. If you can figure out who is who, you can start with those who will be by your side, so you know you won't be alone if things get tougher. Also, in case you think there's a concrete risk of losing your job, make sure you have a backoff plan to support yourself financially: safety always comes first.
I wish you the best!
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