Gender Dysphoria
I just wonder how you can learn to live with the pain?
I have been experiencing life threatening levels of dysphoria for many years but cannot do anything tangible to improve my situation. I can’t afford the surgery I would need… I can’t do anything to affect my body image issues because of the dysphoria. How do you guys learn to live with the pain?
I appreciate you. Thank you so much for this beautiful response.
I have lately been experimenting with clothes and such and that has been the most incredible experience. There are certain things I wear and feel like I’m breathing for the first time. But I can’t wear them. Even in my free time, I live in an area that is not safe for me to express myself (and cannot afford to move either, so I feel extra stuck) so I am stuck as my pre transitioned/will probably never transition self.
It would help *so* much to be recognized for who I am, but revealing it would be dangerous and I would risk violence to myself and my kids.
@peachScarf5552 I don't experience this, but I experience other kinds of clinical dysphoria, and all I can tell you about that is that it's a really horrible feeling and you deserve to feel better. I wish you peace and safety.
Dressing the way you want, even if only when you're alone, may be helpful, as you note. I wonder whether you might also be able to dress in a slightly more neutral way when out in public, i.e., as an example, just jeans/t-shirts/sneakers as anyone might wear, so that you're not necessarily wearing clothing that feels especially wrong to you.
I'm hopeful that a future will come where we can all be more of ourselves, and I am also hopeful that you'll get to see that, too.
I will continue to make small changes that help, but I cannot hide the parts that give me the most dysphoria, sadly.
I have hope for us too. Things had gone in such an amazing direction and this… well, it’s a lot of steps back but we will push through, I know we will.
Wishing you the absolutely best as well.
Do you have any specific tips you use to minimize the emotional pain or your dysphoria? I understand it isn’t the same, but maybe there is something that could cross over.
@peachScarf5552 I wish I could provide a better answer for what to do with feelings of dysphoria. Mostly, for me, I have to ride them out. But I guess I do have tools for riding them out I didn't always have. Sometimes, distractions are what I need, through hobbies I enjoy like cooking or jigsaw puzzles. Sometimes, writing it down in a journal, or making some art to channel the feeling and get some of it out. Basically, anything that has good feelings, or helps reduce the bad feelings, is good. Knowing that I am not my feelings and that there are things dysphoria tells us that are not true is also helpful.
I know you ultimately need other things. But sometimes we just need to make it to tomorrow. We can't bear to take on more than that all the time. So narrow it down: How do you make it until tomorrow? Eventually, it adds up, and we get more skilled at it.
I can do that. Make it until tomorrow. Over and over. This is honestly just what I needed for now. Thank you.
@peachScarf5552 As hard as it is, accepting that this is the body you have (for now) can be a huge help. I've never had body dysphoria but without going into too many details I have a part of me I've wanted to get reduced for years and it's caused me a lot of issues, accepting that I'm kinda just stuck with them right now has helped me focus on other things. I know it's not exactly the same, but it might be your best bet in the long run. Remember that bodies are not always indicators of gender and that how you feel about yourself personally is the most important thing.
@peachScarf5552 I've had this problem for around five years and there's been a handful of things I've found helpful. I'll list a few with their pros and cons!
- Binders! They can flatten your chest wonderfully! But it will take a lot of time to find the right brand or size that's comfortable. And if you wear them for a long period of time they can deform your ribs and would make top surgery hard once you're able to afford it.
- Hair styles! You'll definitely feel better after getting it cut or styled based on your preference of gender. But you'd have to get it cut/styled more often if you wanna keep it a certain way.
- Telling a few trusted people you want to go by certain pronouns. It will make you feel better to be referred to as the gender you want to be, but sometimes people won't remember or want to.
- Avoiding certain clothing. Your parents would probably force you to wear the clothes you're trying to avoid, unless you tell them.
These are just a few, but if you want to try something else go ahead! Also acting like the preferred gender could help a lot but that takes time like everything else. But sometimes you might not even need to change your looks to be what you want. As long as you view yourself as the specified gender, you wouldn't need to spend much money at all!
I somehow missed this response.
I have told a few people and it helps so much, so I’ll keep doing that as I build trust with people online and in person. :D
You’re right about the clothes. I can’t avoid them. Not about my parents. I’m 40, so I couldn’t care less about that! BUT, I have to wear dresses and such at work. I am currently trying something in my head and it’s working. Every time I have to wear something that goes against my gender expression, I treat it like a costume. “Ah this is the character is get to play today!” Somehow it is making it hurt a little less and I am
able to tolerate it.
