How do I see trans people as who they are? (genuine) /tw
Also meant genuinely: I think there are a lot of things going on here, but one of them seems to be that you think that something bad is happening if you don't automatically know what gender someone was assigned at birth. It may be worthwhile for you to ask yourself why and in what way that might actually do you any harm. It seems to me that nobody has done anything that is going to harm you if they've made YouTube videos and you didn't know about them being trans. And the trans guy you know is also not harming you. But being upset suggests on some level you feel harmed. So that could be a place to explore more.
@convivialStrawberries8026 Thinking about this led me to a realization, and partial understanding. I treat men and women differently. Because men are generally less open emotionally and, can't deny it, because I'm a teen with puberty hormones, I tend to talk more to women.
Before any boundaries are set, i see some of them as a potential partner (or, if online - a fantasy) - probably the reason for me feeling "harmed" - i expected one thing and got another, and didn't want to be a**hole so stuck around for some time.
After she sets a boundary (have a bf/gf / not interested), we usually stay quite close friends and often talk about emotional topics (mental health) which i'm rarely comfortable with talking to men about.
Except for that trans guy, i only have women friends (2 so not a big statistic here). I suppose this explains why i feel this way. About him - i felt lied to by his appearance, i was more open opposed to what I would've been with a guy and I was interested in talking to him which I don't really talk to guys that much (i sound like a niceguy™/pickme but idk i just don't have much in common with guys. not *** on them at all, u do u, but currently most guys act in a way i don't like). And about that youtuber, a fantasy gets changed.
Now the question is what to do with this...
@fkImTrying
But here's the thing: guys can be emotionally open. And if you came across this trans guy and he's a good person and you have good conversations with him or he can be a good friend or he's not emotionally closed off, then what's the problem? His gender has no bearing on his personality and whether he's a good person to have as a friend or not.
@Aayla I'm in no way claiming that i'm the center of the world. I know that trans people face a LOT of difficulties and I don't think i'm owed a coming out. And the issue is not at all me using a wrong pronoun on mistake. I said that I have no difficulties with using the words they want me to use (pronouns, gendered descriptive terms, etc.), i'm literally having trouble seeing them as their gender rather than what they were assigned at birth, and I used to think it was because of their looks (my only example being a pre-hrt trans guy) but it became apparent it wasn't only that. I see it as a serious problem because it hurts the way I talk to them (read my reply to the 1st comment) and I feel like a bigot which I don't want to be. To make a disclaimer, i fully agree with them having rights, hrt and operations, i support them as a human being with their goals, but I'm in a fight with my brain thinking of them in terms of what they were assigned at birth. That's the best explanation I can give currently.
hey man, trans man here :) first of all, dont worry about the morality of it, you are actively trying and that is a noble thing to do. as i understand it, this is not a thing you are very familiar with, maybe you didnt grow up knowing much about trans people, so this being the first time you actually interact with a trans person its natural to feel out of your depth and unfamiliar with how to act and pose yourself towards it. but dont you worry, you just gotta give it time and persist on using the correct pronouns and terms as youre already doing! eventually it'll just click. id say also, dont think too hard about it! for example whenever you catch yourself thinking of your friend as a girl, just shut it down these thoughts quickly by just saying in your head "he's just a guy, nothing more nothing less to it" or something. its a fake it till you make it situation of sorts! dont worry about stumbling a bit at first, just give it some time. and if you have questions or doubts about trans men generally, personally i am here, we can talk about anything!
@fkImTrying
You're not a bigot. You feel bad about your reactions, which shows how you really feel. You're just presumably not used to being around trans people or used to seeing them as who they are. Part of it might just be that you need time; the more you speak to and interact with trans people (in person, online, watching their YouTube videos), the more you'll see us as multifaceted and complex people where being trans is one aspect of our whole lives. There is no deception or mask; body parts don't amount to much outside of very specific few situations. Think about your own body parts: how important are they to your friends, acquaintances, strangers, etc.? Should it matter to them enough that if they found out your body parts are different to what they'd assume (not that they'd likely even think about it enough to assume anyway), they'd think you were playing pretend? Not really, because it doesn't play a part in almost anything. There is no pretence because body parts or what we're born as doesn't really impact who we are or how we express ourselves.
Might just be a social conditioning thing where you still feel strongly that x or y characteristics means someone is male or female, and something deviating from that surprises you because you're still viewing gender as something to look at and know rather than just taking it as what someone says.