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lavenderBranch2559
March 15th
I found out a month ago that It was Gay to be attracted to men. At first I said I was Bi but I physically just knew that I was Gay and that It was a way of denial... Now I come from a quite very homophobic background (for example my French Grandmother thinks that Homosexuality is more or less an American invention, and my brother uses the word "Gay" as an insult to say "dumba*s"). I grew up with that Ideology and I was actually disgusted by the Idea at first but well that aint something you control, and then, when I said It out loud to my friend, It just switched a panic mode inside me and I had a massive mental breakdown. I have chronic depression from past sibling abuse (from the same brother) so I sort of really don't know what to do and this absolutely aint helping at all....
Bryghton
March 15th
@lavenderBranch2559
Hi. So you realized you're gay, and now you're scared what could it mean for you and your family. And I'm sorry. I wish I could say to just come out and just be yourself, but I know it's always that easy, especially when dealing with homophobic family. I wish they're more supportive to you.
It was brave of you though, to accept it to yourself. That took courage and you did great. Even if it's hard to say it out loud. It's great that you can admit that to yourself internally.
We may not be able to change your family, but I can assure you that it's okay to be gay. You're not defective or broken, there's nothing wrong with you. It's a completely normal realization some people have when growing up.
Being gay is nothing to be ashamed of. And I hope someday, you can find a place where you can be freely as yourself.
Rest assured though, you are completely accepted here.
Aayla
March 15th
@lavenderBranch2559 I know it's hard, but trust me, you're not alone and you are definitely not wrong or broken or whatever prejudiced people might say about you. You've made the very brave step to overcome denial and see yourself for who you are. This is already something huge, considering that some people go on their entire life never fully acknowledging who they are. This doesn't make things any easier, but if you already made a step like this, you can make more, if you give yourself time.
Considering your backgroung, it's totally normal to react the way you did. Don't force anything for now: maybe you just need to come to terms with who you are and accept yourself more before letting other people now. Yes, you might know rationally that's it ok and normal to be gay and there's nothing wrong with it, but one things is knowing something at a rational level and another one is truly feeling it at an emotional level. So take your time, familiarize with side of you, allow yourself to fantasize, to imagine life and relationships the way you want them to be, the way they should be, without judgement or shame or fear. Let that sink in. Hold on to that. Process the fact that not only you deserve that, but it's also possible.
Once you'll feel a bit more confident - perhaps not fully, 100% confident, but surely more than now - it might be easier to open up with other people. Also, remember you don't owe a coming out to anyone: coming out is a personal choice that should only be taken if and when you feel like sharing that side of you with other people will make you feel better than hiding it. If you don't feel safe or comfortable yet, don't force yourself to do it. Life is a long journey and so many things can happen that will help you deal with it all. Allow yourself a chance to feel free and happy at your own terms and in your own time.
Also, reaching out to the LGBT community (whether online or in person) to share experiences and feel more supported might make you feel more confident too, but once again, don't force yourself to do anything unless you really feel like it. To each their own path. I wish you the best on yours.