Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
  1. Forum
  2. LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support
  3. I think i might be gay?

I think i might be gay?

User Profile: jillibob
jillibob May 21st, 2025

Hi i’m a 23 year old woman, and i live in the smallest country ever (population 53.000) with a heavy rooted history and love for christianity

The reason why i think i might be gay, is because i have dated every type of man, but the longest i have ever dated one was for 8 months.

I Find men interesting like no other, And really every single time I give it all that I have, but I always reach a point we’re just all fades away in an instance, and I question myself if I even liked them at all in the beginning

And then I thought maybe I don’t like men like I thought I did, maybe I just really love the attention. I crave that they like me and I crave that they pursue me, and as soon as I know they do, I just leave and it makes no sense.

When i see a handsome man i never think “oh i want to do him so bad” my first thought is always “i want him to chase and crave me” so i flirt, for no other reason then me wanting them to confirm to me, that they want me.

Also I’ve always had this fascination with women. But I always thought it was like a normal appreciation for women but lately, I’ve been questioning if it’s really a little deeper than just a appreciation, I see beautiful women online and see happy lesbian couples and it makes me feel a certain way

You’re probably thinking well it’s easy to figure it out, just date women and you’ll know, but really it’s not that easy. My country is so small that you can only imagine what small percentage of it is openly gay, and the people I know who are gay just don’t peak my interest at all. And the thought of living with a man for the rest of my life scares me, but the idea of living with a woman don’t scare me as much.

I’m confused and I don’t know what to do and I’m wondering if there was anybody who have felt the same way and came to a conclusion.

Thank you for listening - J

1
User Profile: Aayla
Aayla May 21st, 2025
@jillibob I'm bisexual, but I can definitely relate to a part of your story: the deep "appreciation" for women that eventually turned out to be something else. It's quite common to dismiss any feelings for the same gender as anything other than attraction: appreication, inspiration, envy, friendship, solidarity... We've been brought up in a heteronormative world that taught us that these were the only possible options, so it's very common to discover your sexuality by looking deeper into those feelings.
The next step is exploring fantasies and imagining possible scenarios, which you've already done: it turns out those scenarios feel desirable to you. 

Your sexuality is yours to determine, so if you feel like you are gay, than this is what you are. And based on what you've said, it definitely sounds likely. Your orientation is based on your feelings rather than your experience, which means that even if you haven't explored gay dating yet, you can still identify as gay: your feelings alone are enough to identify as that. After all, straight people have no problem identifying as straight even before they start dating, so why shouldn't queer people do the same?

Of course this still leaves the problem of how to meet women with whom you can explore this part of you. Have you looked up for LGBT associations in your country? They're getting more and more common even in countries that used to be less open-minded. If you have the chance, you might even look for chances in a bordering country (if it's close enough to where you live) or even try dating apps. Queer people in close-minded contexts like yours tend to look for more "private" ways to explore rather then going out and meeting someone. Maybe there are already women around you on dating apps looking for a more discreet way to engage with other women. You might consider giving it a try.
*Support Forum Disclaimer
My communities
Community guidelines
Report an issue
Talk to an expert therapist
Throughout our lives, we are faced with many challenges and counseling can help...
Talk to Amanda Now