My mom won’t use they/them pronouns for my friends
My mom refuses to use they/them pronouns for my genderqueer friends. I asked her (I am a cis woman), if she would use they/them pronouns for me if I was genderqueer. She said no. I said she didn’t actually love me then and that her love was conditional. She reversed that same comment to me back. I am hurt that she wouldn’t use pronouns that would make me feel loved and at home in this hypothetical situation because it’s “her house” and her belief of two genders is apart of her identity. How do I make her understand this is hurtful to my friends? Should I just let it go?
@SongBird527 what you wrote in this post and the other one make me thing that your mother can be quite manipulative when it comes to justifying queerphobia. Standing up for your right to be who you are doesn't mean your love is conditional. We all are who we are and there's nothing we can do to change it, but other people can change the way they treat us, and should welcome who we are in order to truly love us.
As I said in the other post, route number one Is always dialogue about the specific reasons for not accepting something. There's more than "I simply don't like it", if she's not accepting something she should explore the reasons behind it - there isn't even a logical one for being intolerant, but she has to figure it out by herself, with some help if necessary.
When dialogue doesn't work, rule number two: limiting the damage. You don't have to keep trying to change her mind if it leads you nowhere and it's only emotional labour for you, but you can protect your friends by limiting contact between her and them and standing up for them if they're harmed by her behavior in any way.
@SongBird527 first of all- im sorry shes acting like that, it really sucks, my deepest sympathies to you and your friends. maybe you could ask her why she thinks theres only two genders? if she gives you an answer it could be easier to disprove, and if she cant maybe itll give her something to think about. either way i would hang out at your friends house rather than your own if you can, they shouldnt be around someone who wont respect them.
(and obviously this goes without saying, but your need to be loved no matter what matters more than it being 'her house' and if she cant see/provide that its not your fault)
She simply believed that young generation is stupid and wants attention.
You gotta make her understand that their feelings matters for you