Need urgent help, closeted religious gay who has been super lonely and depressed for years now...
Hi everyone i just wanna reach out as a last resort as i am desperate.. i am a closeted religious 26 years old male gay who has been bullied, harassed and being lonely for the last 12 to 15 years. All of that has traumatized me and i have developed extreme trust issues. it took me almost 10 12 years to reprogram myself so it is'nt obvious that i am gay but it still gets out sometimes. Tomorrow due to society's pressure im gonna be marrying a girl and then ill be moving to Ireland. im scared to death about everything and even though i dont think end.ing your li.fe is an option but i do think sometimes how easy it would be. i guess im looking for someone who has gone through the same experiences as me who can help me in anyway.
Thannk you.
@bluePlane2709
I am nobody to be able to help guide you through your journey. However, I started in grade school , around 1st grade, learning how to hide my true self deep inside. I buried myself deeper and deeper every second of every day. I am in my fifties and regret immensely not being true to who I am . I have been severely depressed and closeted as well for over 45 years.
I have been so miserable while hiding ang pretending I am someone else that I am starting to realize that coming out to myself and trying to truly accept myself completely when I was young that maybe I still wouldn’t be happy but I could at least be comfortable in my own skin and I wouldn’t be as far down this endless pit of darkness that I am still in.
I also married someone partially for normalcy. We were together for far too long and she had children from a prior marriage and our issues created a miserable life for them growing up. After one reached adulthood they did end their life. I take that fully on my shoulders, I failed them .
Too much info , for that I apologize. I am just hoping that you at least figure out a way to accept yourself for who you are. You are the most important part of your life. Nobody else is inside you controlling your every move. I don’t think that there truly is a “normal” out there. What is normal. We all have similar traits but we are all different individuals. We are all unique, like snowflakes… I don’t know if this helps but I have been through a lot and from what you stated here you are starting life making similar decisions that I did and for me they were very big life altering mistakes that I made.
@Iamwhoiamwhoami do you have kids of your own?
@bluePlane2709
No, I don’t.
Dear bluePlane,
I'm happy you're trying to figure out a way to live with your spouse to be. I think you are going to make it.
Religiously speaking, I'm happy as an atheist, I hope you choose your God wisely, or else your religion would reap some challenging emotions in you.
I'm closeted gay as well, I know how cruel the world can be to us. We can't speak freely of what we love, we cannot show our true self and emotions.
@elyo20 yes exactly and thinking it is going to be the same in the future and the constant fear of someone finding out is just too much!