Queer guilt
I feel like we don't talk about the guilt you feel for being queer enough. My mum is a single mother and we're obligated to turn out "good", I try my best but a part of me says I'll never be enough cause I'm a lesbian. It'll hurt her, it'll turn her against her family. I just feel like I can never be enough no matter how much I try.
@loyalTown2415 I know, we queer people often have to deal with a sense of guilt for something that we could not decide or change, it's just who we are. And it's so unfair, because there's really nothing wrong with who we are, it doesn't harm anyone and it shouldn't be treated like something shameful. People who hate on us, people who judge us, they're the one who are doing something wrong, because they're doing so much harm to people who only want to exist without having to hide and pretend in order to fit it.
Whether or not you're a good daughter has nothing to do with your sexuality. It's about your values, the way you treat others, and so many important things that your mother has been teaching you all her life. She can still be proud of you, and I'm sure she will, a loving mother wants happiness and freedom for their children more than anything else. She might be scared for the things you'll have to face in life as a queer person, but if she truly cares for your happiness, she'll be by your side and she'll give you a chance to be your true self openly. It's going to take open-hearted conversation and a lot of empathy, especially if she's not familiar with the LGBT world, but you can navigate it together, as I'm sure you've navigated so many tough stuff in your life. If the rest of your family won't accept it, it's not your fault. You can't change the way you are, it's a natural part of yourself, just like the sound of your voice or the color of your eyes. Once she'll truly understand what it's all about, she won't blame her family's possible reactions on you.
If you're struggling with coming out, though, you don't have to do it right now. It's a personal choice that one should only make if and when it feels right. You can take your time, make sure you're more comfortable with the idea of showing this part of yourself, maybe even come out to other people first - maybe some trusted friends that are particularly close to you and you guess would be supportive. Or you can keep reaching out to the LGBT community - online or in person - to share experiences, fells less alone, grow more confident.
Whatever you do, don't let intolerance get to your head. Who you are is perfectly ok, and you shouldn't have to hide it.
