Understanding Genderfluidity
I'm not in need of any aid or anything, I just wanted to share my experience with genderfluidity and ask if anyone else would like to share! First off, it's confusing because it's really difficult to figure out what's going on with gender in the first place. It's hard to realize you're trans if you don't see yourself as the same gender every day. One day you might wish you were a girl, but the next day you don't have a gender and don't care, so you tell yourself "I'm not trans, that was clearly a fluke. Like, I don't want to be a girl right now!" When you grow up in an extremely heteronormative family like I did, the idea of being non-binary or agender never even gets a chance to cross your mind, which makes it even more difficult.
Once you've accepted that you're genderfluid (which, if you're like me, doesn't happen until after you've accepted yourself as non-binary or trans already), there's still the whole issue of trying to figure out what gender you have every day. It's not always as simple as "I'm a girl today!" or "I'm agender today" or "I'm an expansive mass of writhing tendrils from the depths of the abyss". Oftentimes, in order to figure out my gender, I have to watch my instinctive reactions to being called different pronouns. If I connect to they/them, then it's a non-binary day, which can mean a number of things, but most of them are similar enough it's not worth worrying about, if I don't connect to anything, I'm likely agender, and if I connect to she/her, then I'm either a girl or a demigirl, which can usually be figured out based on whether or not I have chest dysphoria.
Anyway, as you can see, I've gotten it down to a science. But gender is far more complex than that, and my attempts to understand and organize it often don't work, with days that feel vaguely feminine, but not demigirl. Or today where I might be masculine, despite never feeling this way before and hating masculinity.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I doubt any of this would be helpful information to others, I simply wanted to share my experience in case anyone is curious. I'm fully aware gender is far more complicated than I'm showing it now, my understanding of it is limited and always shifting.
In any case, I'm just curious--other genderfluid people, how do you tend to understand your gender? Do you also categorize it like me, or do you simply let it ebb and flow as is? Or something else entirely? I'd love to learn about your perspective!
@chaoticEnbyAxolotl89
Thank you for sharing. I'm not gender fluid. But I'm always interested in other people's reality.
I don't think much about my gender. But reading your post has led me to realise that there are times when I really don't care, and others where I do care, somewhat. And that most often relates to whether other people are involved or not. In a social situation, I'm much more likely to be aware of my gender. Which I find very interesting. How much of gender is a biological thing, a social thing or something else entirely? Maybe we will never know.
I love that you are finding a way that works for you. That's the most important thing, I think.
Best wishes and thanks again for sharing.
@Clio9876
Thank you! I find gender fascinating, too. I also wonder what elements of it come from biological or social elements. Perhaps someday humanity will have enough of a grasp of the way the brain works to fully understand it, but for now I find this generally works for me, and I agree that's the most important thing. Thanks again! Super appreciate your response :)
@chaoticEnbyAxolotl89 hello how did you come to terms or realize your gender identity I struggle with some of the things you mentioned in your post and have been trying to figure some things out lately
