WHEN DID YOU REALIZE YOU WERE TRANS/BI/NON BINARY
I've been questioning my gender for a while now, and I wanted to hear from people who are further along in their journey.
One thing I keep wondering is: how did you know you were trans? Was there a specific moment where it just clicked, or was it something that slowly built up over time?
For me, I sometimes have moments where I think, "Maybe I'd rather be a girl," or I imagine what it would be like to look, sound, or be seen differently. Sometimes those thoughts feel exciting, comforting, or even weirdly emotional. Other times I convince myself I'm overthinking everything and that I'm probably not trans at all.
That's actually one of the things I'm most curious about. Did any of you spend a lot of time suppressing or dismissing your feelings? Did you ever tell yourself things like, "I'm making this up," "I just want attention," "I'm probably just confused," or "If I were really trans, I'd know for sure"?
I feel like I keep going back and forth between questioning and doubting myself. Some days I feel strongly about it, and other days I feel almost fine and wonder whether I've imagined the whole thing.
Looking back now, what were some signs that you didn't recognize at the time? Were there things that made more sense in hindsight once you understood yourself better?
@BlushNebula Hey there. I've always had thoughts like I'd rather be female or wanting to act or dress like my female cousins. Those thoughts have never bothered me. Follow your heart no matter what.
@WellsFiction Hi! I'm having similar thoughts too and like constantly wanting to dress, act and like be like other girls, but a part of me is very scared and I don't know what to do next
@BlushNebula No problem. We live within a world where fear such as dressing or acting as a girl or someone else is so daunting it cripples us. I've been learning to just speak up and put the spotlight on whatever thoughts or ideas pop into my mind. Like does desiring to wear make up make me feel more afraid or excited? if I'm excited then that is a good thing I should pursue. It's your choice what you choose to do no matter what anyone else says :)
@WellsFiction thanks that really helps 😊
@WellsFiction thanks that really helps
How did your family/friends react?
@compassionateWater362 Most of them just ignore it. I've only told family members I trust and don't have beef with. I know they'll never truly understand, so I just don't allow their behavior to harm me.
@BlushNebula I hope you find more insights here 🍀 You're not alone, and you truly matter 💜 Sending you all my love 💗💗💗
@BlushNebula
Hi! I just published a book and thought that it could help a lot of people.
What if the person you've been searching for all this time is simply yourself?
🌈Coming Home to Yourself is a heartfelt LGBTQ+ self-acceptance guide for anyone navigating self-discovery, coming out, religious guilt, family expectations, faith, healing, and authentic love.
Drawing from my own experiences as an LGBTQ+ individual raised in a religious environment, J.L. Satori (me) shares the fears, questions, setbacks, and breakthroughs that shaped my journey toward self-acceptance. Through honest storytelling and compassionate reflection, I explored some of the most difficult questions many LGBTQ+ people face:
• How do I accept myself when I grew up believing being LGBTQ+ was wrong?
• Can I be both LGBTQ+ and Christian?
• How do I heal from religious guilt and shame?
• What if my family doesn't accept me?
• How do I come out on my own terms?
• Am I worthy of love exactly as I am?
Inside this book, you'll discover guidance and encouragement on:
- LGBTQ+ self-discovery and identity
- Self-acceptance and overcoming shame
- Coming out and family acceptance
- Healing religious guilt and faith-based struggles
- Building confidence and emotional resilience
- Finding healthy relationships and authentic love
- Creating a life rooted in honesty, peace, and belonging
- Whether you're questioning your identity, coming out, healing from rejection, reconciling faith and sexuality, or simply learning to embrace yourself more fully, this book offers a gentle reminder.
You don't need to have everything figured out to deserve love, belonging, and peace.
Now available on Amazon 📖 https://a.co/d/0dmsS3A2
This Pride Month, give yourself permission to stop hiding, start healing, and finally come home to yourself. 🏳️🌈
@niceCamp7096 Hi omg I'd love that and consider reading it. Also like if we could have a one on one talk because like I have a lot of questions already and getting the answers straight from you and your experiences would be a pleasure
@BlushNebula
Thank you for considering reading my book! What questions would you like to ask? I'll try to answer it honestly :)
@niceCamp7096 well like some things I wanted to ask are firstly what are some things you would want in someone to first come out to.... I do have a person in mind but don't know if I should tell her yet like even though we're super close and it's safe I think I just don't know what to do..... secondly like I can't come out publicly till uni atleast so like what are some things I could do till then to like get closer to my inner self and what helped you?.... I mean like there are many more challenges I could go on with those too but idk like if to do it here only or like connect with you online somehow
@BlushNebula
First of all, thank you for trusting me enough to ask me this. I know these aren't easy questions to carry around, let alone say out loud.
About coming out to someone for the first time, I think one of the most important things is emotional safety. If you already have someone in mind and she's someone you trust, that's a really good sign. But you also don't have to rush into telling her immediately if you're not ready.
One thing you can do first is sort of "test the waters" a little. It doesn't have to be obvious. You can bring up LGBTQ+ topics casually and see how she reacts. Ask her what she thinks about LGBTQ+ people in general or mention something you saw online. Pay attention not only to what she says, but how she says it.
You can even use a third-person scenario if you don't want it to feel personal yet. Something like:
"Hey, can I ask you something? A friend of mine recently realized she has feelings for her female best friend and she's really confused. She asked me what I thought. What would you tell her?"
Or:
"Do you think it's weird if someone suddenly realizes they like someone of the same sex?"
Or even:
"Could you ever see yourself being open to that kind of relationship if it happened naturally?"
Questions like those can tell you a lot about how someone thinks without putting yourself in a vulnerable position before you're ready.
As for not being able to come out publicly until university, honestly, I don't think that means your journey has to be on pause until then.
What helped me a lot was allowing myself to be curious. I read stories about real LGBTQ+ people and their coming out experiences. I also read LGBTQ+ fiction because sometimes seeing pieces of yourself reflected in stories helps you understand feelings you don't yet have words for. The more I learned, the less scary those feelings became.
I also found people I knew I could trust. A close friend. A relative. Just one or two people who knew the real me. Don't underestimate how valuable that can be. Having even one person who knows your truth can feel like putting down a heavy backpack you've been carrying alone for years.
And honestly, my journey wasn't some sudden transformation where I woke up one day completely confident. It took years. Small steps. Quiet realizations. Little hints here and there. I slowly became more comfortable with myself before I became comfortable sharing that part of myself with other people.
The other thing that helped me personally was my relationship with God.
For a long time, I carried a lot of fear, doubt, and questions. I kept wondering if I was doing something wrong or if I would still be accepted. Eventually, I stopped trying to carry all of that by myself. I started bringing everything to God honestly—the confusion, the fear, the questions, all of it. I surrendered the burden instead of fighting it alone.
I can't say that every doubt disappeared overnight, but I found peace little by little. For me, faith became less about fear and more about trust. Trusting that God knew my heart better than anyone else did.
Most importantly, please be patient with yourself. You don't need to have everything figured out right now. You don't need a perfect label. You don't need a perfect plan.
You're learning who you are, and that takes time.
And if you have more questions or other challenges you're dealing with, you're always welcome to share them. You don't have to carry everything by yourself.
@niceCamp7096Honestly, thank you so much for taking the time to write all of that. It genuinely helped more than you probably realize.
@BlushNebula
For the small things, I think what helped me most was giving myself space to explore without pressure. I read a lot of LGBTQ+ books because it helped me visualize experiences similar to mine and understand things I couldn't really put into words yet. I also joined some LGBTQ+ group chats and communities online. Just talking to people who had gone through similar feelings made me feel less alone.
Looking back, there were definitely signs I didn't fully understand at the time. One that stands out was in high school. I was dating a guy back then, but I remember feeling really awkward and getting this weird spark or tingling feeling whenever a girl held my hand or got close to me. It confused me because I had never felt that same feeling with any of the guys I dated.
As for your sister and family, I don't think you're cheating anyone by figuring yourself out. You're still the same person they know and love. The only difference is that you're learning more about yourself. And honestly, that's not a betrayal—it's growth.
Also, I'm really happy to hear that the person you tested the waters with turned out to be supportive 😊 Having even one safe person to talk to can make a huge difference.
And if you're open to it, I'd honestly recommend reading my book, Coming Home to Yourself. I wrote it for people going through the same questions, fears, and self-discovery journey that you're experiencing right now. This is also based in my personal experiences. My hope is that it can be a safe space whenever you're feeling confused, overwhelmed, or alone.
If you do find it helpful, I'd be incredibly grateful if you could recommend it to other LGBTQ+ friends or communities you know. There are so many people silently struggling with these feelings, and my goal in writing the book was to offer support, comfort, and hope. I truly believe it can help people emotionally, mentally, and even spiritually as they learn to accept themselves and find their way forward. https://a.co/d/0dmsS3A2 thanks a lot!
Omg that's super awesome! I will definitely read it. I want to write a book someday too
@agreeableSkies9889Thank you so much! 🥹 That honestly means a lot.
I really hope Coming Home to Yourself can be a helpful and comforting read for you. It was written from a very personal place, and my goal was to create something that feels like a safe space for anyone going through self-discovery, healing, or trying to accept themselves.
And please don't give up on your dream of writing a book! I used to think writing a book was something other people did, until I finally decided to start. Your story matters, and you never know who it might help.
If you do read my book, I'd love to hear what you think. ❤️
@agreeableSkies9889Thank you so much! 🥹 That honestly means a lot.
I really hope Coming Home to Yourself can be a helpful and comforting read for you. It was written from a very personal place, and my goal was to create something that feels like a safe space for anyone going through self-discovery, healing, or trying to accept themselves.
And please don't give up on your dream of writing a book! I used to think writing a book was something other people did, until I finally decided to start. Your story matters, and you never know who it might help.
If you do read my book, I'd love to hear what you think. ❤️
@niceCamp7096
I'm halfway through it btw and it's so beautiful omg!!! 😭 There's so much I relate to. You're a great author! I hope more people find your book!
@agreeableSkies9889
Oh my goodness, thank you so much! 😭💜 Your message truly means a lot to me. I poured so much of my heart, healing, and personal experiences into this book, so knowing that it resonates with you is incredibly meaningful.
If you enjoy it after you finish reading, I'd be so grateful if you'd consider leaving an honest review on Amazon. Reviews help other readers discover the book, and they also support me as I continue writing.
This is actually just the beginning of my journey as an author. I'm currently working on future books inspired by my own experiences and reflections on topics such as faith, family, resilience, womanhood, healing from broken homes, the struggles of breadwinners, and finding God beyond religious labels. My hope is to continue creating books that help people feel seen, understood, and less alone.
Thank you again for reading my book and for your encouragement. Knowing that my words connected with someone like you gives me even more motivation to keep writing. 🥹💜
My experience has been I've always been non-binary and pansexual, but I only recently discovered this was "a thing". I'm 64. A bit late. But I always felt this way yet confirmed to the patriarchal/societal standard. God how'd I'd love to wear a skirt and blouse!
@compassionateWater362Honestly, I don't think it's ever too late. ❤️
I think a lot of us grow up trying to fit into the roles society expects from us, and sometimes it takes years—or decades—to realize there's another way to understand ourselves.
The fact that you've come to this realization after all these years doesn't make it any less valid. If anything, it shows a lot of courage and self-awareness.
And for what it's worth, I think everyone deserves the freedom to wear what makes them feel comfortable and authentic. 😊
Thank you for sharing your experience. Stories like yours are exactly why I wrote Coming Home to Yourself.
My experience has been I've always been non-binary and pansexual, but I only recently discovered this was "a thing". I'm 64. A bit late. But I always felt this way yet confirmed to the patriarchal/societal standard. God how'd I'd love to wear a skirt and blouse!
@BlushNebula
When I was a kid, I was indifferent to how I was perceived, but knew that I felt more aligned with the boys than I did with the girls. I was still friends with them, but neither group had made me feel truly like I belonged. I was too boyish to really connect with the girls and looked too feminine to connect with the boys. I still had friends, but there wasn't a "click" type of connection. I had always played as the dad or son whenever I played pretend with my friends. Around 10-11, I started realizing everyone was getting sorted into their own boxes of man/woman and I felt left behind because I wanted to be sorted into the men's side of society's viewing of gender, but I was a girl, so I was put into the girl box. It wasn't until a few years later that I started really exploring my gender identity, tucking my hair into hats and dressing as masculine as I could with what flannels and jeans I had when it was late at night in my room. I used to think what I was going through was a matter of sexual orientation rather than gender. I couldn’t be able to explore LGBTQ+ topics except for in online spaces. Being in the rural south any topics that strayed from conformity were 9/10 times shut down. Because I did feel very masculine when I was younger, before I came to terms with the fact I was trans, I was out as a lesbian because I saw that as a way to be seen as "socially acceptably masculine" That's when I realized something was off and that I might be trans and bi. From the age of 14, I have considered myself trans, and when I turned 17, I finally publicly came out and started my social transition. Now I'm about to be 21 and haven't looked back. There is always the anxiety and intrusive thoughts of "No one will see you as a real man" or "They probably think you're faking" or "You're too unconventional to date" but those are all not true, just the brain pointing out my insecurities because I have found my partner who loves and respects me even though he may not fully understand my experience because he's cis, he's very open with me about what questions he has and sees me as his boyfriend.
I always thought dresses and girl clothes were really cute and wanted to try makeup but at the time I thought it was normal to wonder what it felt like to be the other gender, but once I reached my teens all of friends became girls and I legit just didn't feel like a guy and when I'd talked to guy I didn't feel like one of them. Then I started to really get distressed about my looks as my body started to develop and I was really sad. I'm still closeted but I hope to one day be able to be myself... I'm starting to explore my gender through online stuff first and art. So I guess I didn't realize at once and it was more like in phases and eventually I was just like "oh... I'm a girl aren't I." Then I'd question that voice until recently where I've felt a lot of clarity about it
