What are Microaggressions and How They Affect LGBTQ+
We often talk about overt acts of discrimination as they’re easy to spot, but there are deeper underlying layers that can be harder to identify, much less call out. These are known as microaggressions.
Microaggressions, loosely defined, are the subtle, often unintentional, yet deeply harmful statements or actions that LGBTQ+ individuals frequently experience. They chip away at our sense of belonging and well-being, and it's crucial to acknowledge their impact.
Microaggressions are tricky because they're often disguised as compliments or well-meaning questions (however not all of them are). While some individuals may genuinely be unaware of the harm their words or actions cause, others may harbor underlying biases that manifest in their behavior. But the message they send is alienating e.g. you're different, you're other, and you don't quite belong.
Microaggressions can range from subtle comments to more overt behaviors.
Microassaults: These are explicit and intentional discriminatory actions, such as using derogatory language or displaying offensive symbols.
Microinsults: These are verbal or nonverbal communications that subtly convey rudeness and insensitivity, demeaning a person's heritage or identity.
Microinvalidations: These are communications that negate or nullify the psychological thoughts, feelings, or experiential reality of a marginalized group.
Regardless of the intent, microaggressions contribute to a hostile and invalidating environment.
Here are some examples of microaggressive commentary:
❌ "You're too [insert positive trait] to be gay/trans." (Implies that being LGBTQ+ is inherently negative).
❌ "I'm not homophobic, but…" (Followed by a statement that is, in fact, homophobic).
❌ "Why do you have to be so open about it?" (Suggests that LGBTQ+ identities are inappropriate or shameful).
❌ Asking invasive questions about someone's body or sexual history. (Violates their privacy and dignity).
❌ (An example of prejudiced microaggression): misgendering someone, even after being corrected, disregarding their identity.
❌ These seemingly small comments can accumulate and create a sense of constant invalidation and isolation.
Now with this new information in mind, let’s spark a discussion! Please answer any of the following:
What microaggressions have you experienced or witnessed?
If you have detailed a specific scenario, what do you recommend should have been said or done instead?
How do these microaggressions make you feel? (and/or) What strategies do you use to cope with the emotional impact of microaggressions?
What ways can we educate others on the harm that microaggressions cause?
By engaging in this discussion and sharing your insights, you're actively contributing to a broader understanding of microaggressions and helping to spread crucial education on this topic!
Let's use this space to build understanding and find strength in shared experiences. Your voice matters in creating a more inclusive and informed world! 🏳️🌈
@Heather225
not sure if this is a microassault or microinsult, but reading this was somewhat made me feel as this was relatable.
growing up, my parents didn't often speak about LGBTQ+ and when they did, it was always negative, that's why I never wanted to come out to either of them but obviously, life had other plans for me and my decisions made me come out accidentally.
whenever It came to LGBTQ+, my mom was the first to be homophobic about it. growing up I heard her say how all gay people are disgusting and she and her side of the family and the family she made, will never be like them. it shattered me hearing this before coming out to her, me, a little closed gay 10 year old child, hearing her badmouth a community I've been so close to. since I was 6 years old, I figured out who I wanted to be, and I wasn't wrong, for 7 1/2 years. I was part of the LGBTQ+ community and not even she can stop me and she's controlled and manipulated me my entire life, don't get me wrong, I still love her but her point of view on something she can't control.. not so much.
there was many jokes from her to my father about him being gay as well, during the times he teased her and she didn't like it she would make me question if life was worth living if being gay was a sick joke, sometimes I wondered if I could be a "normal" child for once, a straight "perfect" child for her.
then, was my father, who was honestly chill enough where I didn't think he was homophobic, until low and behold, it was just recently, i'd say about a couple months ago, or last year when I was 12, when I heard him talking on the phone to who knows who (probably his cousin, whom he talks to daily) badmouthing LGBTQ and talking politics and eventually he was talking about this with my mother and they both agreed.
i don't remember what either of them said growing up, but it killed how I thought of myself.
I see so many different LGBTQ+ creators on so many different platforms getting shamed for being LGBTQ+ as if its their fault for loving a certain person or not being their birth gender. s-n-a-p-c-h-a-t is the second most homophobic app, and i-n-s-t-a-g-r-a-m comes in first being the most homophobic app with ruthless comments from so many homophobes telling LGBTQ+ to go 🔪 themselves, which Is really sad.
I have also been told at school, a supposedly safe place for LGBTQ+, considering my school is in an LGBTQ+ dominant neighborhood, death threats for being who I am. ironic, isn't it?
Microaggressions and anything similar make me feel, uneasy honestly. uncomfortable. lately, I don't speak much on my sexuality and/or gender and when I do, I normally hear normal things about it, which I wish those came sooner, I only speak of LGBTQ+ when it comes to my friends and this wonderful community on 7cups.
I wish I hadn't grown up within such a cruel environment where being LGBTQ+ made me feel like garbage, but I guess this builds character.. 😅
@Nate715
Thank you so much for sharing your story. It takes a lot of courage to open up about such deeply personal experiences, and I truly appreciate you sharing your vulnerability with us.
Your experience with your parents' negative views on LGBTQ+ individuals is unfortunately far too common, and it's heartbreaking to hear how those comments affected you, especially at such a young age. It's completely understandable that you felt shattered and questioned your own identity. No child should have to endure that.
It's also incredibly difficult to hear that you've faced discrimination and even death threats at school, a place that should be a safe space. It's a stark reminder that even in seemingly accepting environments, microaggressions and overt hostility can still exist.
Your feelings of unease and discomfort are totally valid. It's natural to feel that way when you've been subjected to such negativity, but I'm glad to hear that you've found a supportive community here on 7 Cups and among your friends.
Please know that you are not alone, and your feelings are valid. Your identity is something to be celebrated, not hidden. It's not your fault that you grew up in an environment that didn't foster acceptance. You're strong, and building character doesn't mean you deserved the pain you endured. <3
@Heather225
I'm not out, so a lot of the things that sting are definitely unintentional. But there are some that I'm not so sure about with my parents, since they know about my identity. The first is that I love making dumb jokes and such with them, but specifically if I ever make a joke about not being a boy they either get irritated, go quiet, or pretend they didn't hear me. When I first explained to my little siblings what it means to be non-binary and trans, my sister responded with "I still want to think of [Kind of deadname but not really because my parents would be upset if I told them I want to change my name so I haven't told anyone] as a boy though..." which kinda stung. She's like eleven though and this is a Mormon household so absolutely nothing against her, it just kinda hurt. Some random people called me a slur after somehow figuring out I'm non-binary (though I didn't respond and they assumed they must've been wrong), which really stung. Every time I try to find wholesome memes to make me feel more comfortable during dysphoria, transphobic memes show up and agitate me. I'm in a government class and have to keep up with current events for classwork, and the amount of horrifying events taking place in the US right now is suffocating. The most supportive community I've ever been part of is now closed off permanently as my parents don't trust my online friends because of a "bad feeling" (yes, that is legitimately the reason). I'm just tired of this. Other than the slur, nobody's been particularly hateful. It just wears on you over time...
@chaoticEnbyAxolotl89
Thank you for your reply! I understand you're facing a lot of challenges, especially with your family's reactions and the hurtful experiences online. Even unintentional comments can be deeply hurtful, and the constant exposure to negativity is exhausting.
It's tough when safe spaces feel invaded, and losing your supportive community must be incredibly isolating. But you're in good company with us on Cups and we're here to support you. Thanks again for sharing your experience <3