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Living With a Bigot

User Profile: GalaxyDino
GalaxyDino February 4th, 2025

I want to start by saying that my Mom is amazing and very supportive and not at all the problem here. It's her husband.

I moved in with the two of them about a year and a half ago, due to a previous bad living situation (and just missing seeing her every day). And things were alright at first, but the longer I've been here the less tolerance I've had for him. He constantly uses my deadname and old pronouns and is just generally subtly queerphobic. He is the type of person who does not listen to you if he doesn't agree with you and will try to guilt-trip you if you upset him, I don't believe communication would do anything here. 

There are other issues I've had but these are the most prominent, and it's gotten to the point where I can't even look at him without getting annoyed. I'm tired of being angry all the time and it's only getting worse. Does anyone have any advice? (Besides moving out and my mom leaving him, neither are going to happen for different reasons.) Happy to provide more information if anyone needs it.

3
User Profile: Aayla
Aayla February 4th, 2025
@CosmicDolphin moving out might not be possible now, but you can still try your best to stand up for yourself while gathering all the support you can. Which means trying to involve your mother into this: her husband's behavior might not be her responsibility, but she still has the responsibility to protect you and stand up for you. Sometimes our feelings make us blind to the truth: your mother may not have noticed how harmful he is to you because she loves him and she wants with all herself to believe that he's a better guy than this. But this can't go on forever.
Also make sure to gather support elsewhere: trusted friends, for example, or getting into LGBT circles where you live, which may provide you with opportunities to engage with people that have similar experiences as you: you can learn a lot for each other, and feeling the strength of a community can be really helpful.

Don't let that guy get you down. You're great as you are, and no one should make you feel bad for it. Best wishes!
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