Sapphic woman, with a fear of being outed
Hello I'm a 22 year old woman. I have known for a long time that I like women way more than men but today I just downloaded a LGBTQ dating app for the first time. While I uploaded my photo I was horrified because I thought...what if somebody who knows my family sees it and outs me?
My family is quite homophobic sadly :((
Do you think my fear is justified or irrational?
I think you'd be fine tbh, if your family is homophobic then they probably won't be on an LGBTQ dating app
@loverrgal
It can be hard, I know when I go to pride events I always worry that "what if my grandmother sees me in something they show on the news", and even with online dating apps, as you say if someone else sees you and says something. While I would hope anyone looking at LGBTQ+ dating apps would understand why outing another person to anyone is not okay, likely because they are LGBTQ+ themeselves, I think some degree of fear would be normal and valid. I don't think it is likely that it will happen, but I think many of us are scared that the wrong person will see in whenever we open that closet door a little wider so to speak.
What do you think you would do if your family did find out? What would that mean for you?
I find sometimes just having a plan even if it's unlikely to ever be needed can help ease the fear.
@loverrgal your fear is totally justified. With a homophobic family, it's absolutely normal to be scared of a possible outing, it's a very common reaction!
However, it's unlikely that your family will find out, and people on that app know very well that they shouldn't out anyone: you're all in the same situation, you're all aware that you're part of a community that is still very stigmatized and no one wants to be outed against their will, so no one should want to do that to someone else.
Ultimately, the question you should ask yourself is whether this very small risk of being outed is worth it: in my opinion, you should be free to express your sexuality and connect with people you like and could potentially love, and this freedom is totally worth the small risk.
However, the decision is up to you, you're the only one who can decide what's truly best for you.
Also, as you've already been told in another comment, it might be good for you to have a plan and think about how you would handle it in case your family found out about your orientation. Even if it's not because of this app, it still could happen someday, so it might be reassuring for you to have a plan and feel more ready.
I wish you all the best!
