Guilt and anxiety over past relationships with men

@fayesmith12

Do you feel this way about any other items you tried in your life?

what i mean by that is in life we try things before we realize that is not our thing you can see it was a phase of learning who you are.......... but is not a path you are taking .........

I bet this is very common for people who are not sure about their sexuality to try things or maybe try to deny it for various reasons but what is in the past does not define you..... you are not less of a lesbian because you have had other relationships.....

@fayesmith12

Oh my god this is literally me. I am bisexual tho. But whenever I think of past intimate times I have had with men I feel so disgusted with myself. Like I just wanna sit in a ball and cry. I feel so gross for some reason. I can't even shower because whenever I have to undress my body feels so gross. I can barely look down when in the shower. I thought I was the only one. This may sound bad but I am so glad im not the only one who feels like this.

@fayesmith12

As a child, I always had fantasies about being with girls/women... but growing up in a semi-religious family, that was taboo and I thought that I was "bad" for thinking like that. So, I dated guys and I married a guy, and had 2 beautiful children with my husband. But, I was never ... *me*. After 10 years of marriage, I told him I was a lesbian and I wanted a divorce because I could never be the kind of wife he deserved. Well, long story short, he got hurt and hurt me and our kids emotionally and psychologically due to his actions and reactions, but now over 20 years later, we are all fairly okay.

If I hadn't been with him, I wouldn't have my kids or my grands. If I hadn't been with him, I don't think I would have acted on my true self (I was *very* unhappy ... that pushed me out). If I hadn't been with him, I would have never met my wife (because I wouldn't have been in the state I'm in). So, a lot of good things came from it.

Do I look back fondly at our sexual relationship? No. But I do remember our partnership and relationship in other ways.

Be kind to yourself. You are who you are and where you are because of what you did and who you loved ... everything in life is a lesson. *hugs*

@fayesmith12

It is perfectly understandable that you feel this and that you are not alone in your experiences. It can be difficult to process past experiences that are no longer compatible with your current sense of self. It's normal to have these experiences and feel bad or guilty about them. One strategy for dealing with these feelings is to try to practice self-compassion. It means treating one another with kindness, understanding, and acceptance, even in times of difficulty or struggle. It can also be helpful to remember that your past experiences do not define who you are as a person. You have the right to explore and discover your identity, and it's okay if that journey includes detours or switchbacks along the way. Finally, it's important to be patient and kind to yourself when dealing with these feelings. With time and support, you can learn to let go of guilt and move forward with greater self-awareness and acceptance.

@fayesmith12 I can honestly relate to this, I've been in relationships with many men, mainly toxic ones and there was just that one that stook out. And I must say I.. ruined my life being with him and gosh it makes me feel horrible to my 13 y/o self at the time. But I must say I am a very optimistic person and know that everything's going to be ok. I know who I am now and won't let anyone hurt me that way again, and I hope you don't either. Much love to you, and all the people on 7cups. ❤