Lesbian in a straight relationship
Hi...so, I was wondering if there's anyone else out there in a similar situation to me.
I figured out far too late in my life that I was gay, I was married by the time I realised why I loathed myself so much, why I was so angry at myself and the world.
One summer....I met a girl, we became friends so fast...I couldn't stop thinking about her.
Then one day, she kissed me.
She saved my life.
I fell in love with her.
For 6 months, we had an affair...it was wrong I know.
I finally came out to my husband...it did not go well.
Needless to say, 6 years later...I'm still married, still in the closet and I don't think I'll ever be able to come out.
I haven't seen the girl who saved my life since I told her I couldn't be with her.
So I'm here now, just trying to get through life I guess.
Anyways...as much as i would love to know people similar to me, I'm hoping beyond hope that nobody is in this terrible situation.
Nobody deserves this.
Hey, I'm so sorry to hear about this. It must be terible to be unable to be yourself.
It seems that this girl gifted you with a great treasure. She helped you realize who you really are and what you desire and need, she made your feelings awake, she reconnected you with the deepest part of yourself that you had been burying all your life. You may not be in contact with her anymore, but the treasure she gave you is still there. It has no expiry date. Yes, she saved your life, but she did more than that: she gave you the instruments to save yourself.
I know there might be a hundred reasons why you're still in a marriage without love. I'm sure it's terribly hard to change your life radically. I never went through what happened to you, but I can imagine how you feel, and I ensure you I understand that leaving this situation to look for something and someone that can really make you happy is easier said than done. I'm only reminding you that there is always hope, and that hope is precisely in that treasure that she gave you. Always keep that treasure close to your heart, let it talk grow with you, let it talk to you. I hope one day, you will find a way to let that treasure lead you the that happiness you deserve!
@Aayla Thank you, for your kind words...for understanding and not judging.
I think of her often, that first moment when the world finally fell into sync and I realised who I truly was.
Your words were beautiful, I have read over them many times... again, thank you for them.
