Questioning
Hello! I have identified as bisexual since 2014 and am currently wondering if I am actually a lesbian. I've written out the thoughts that have been bouncing around and if anyone has the time, I would love an outsiders perspective. Here we go
1. None of my male relationships (with the exception of 1) have lasted more than a couple of months. Sure, I would find guys cute, but then when I start dating them theyre just average at best. In high school, I wouldn't want them to hold my hand or kiss me or anything.
2. During my long term relationship, I loved my man with all my heart. but: (a) he was abusive. could I just be projecting my mistrust onto other men? (b) when I was dating him, I thought we would get married. That being said, I was always a bit disappointed I would never get to be with a girl. (c) I never really found his body, or ANY male body, sexually arrousing, but we still had good sex.
3. I think some guys on the street are cute; could this just be because the possibility of dating them is impossible/intangible? Even guys I thought were cute only a few months ago have lost their "spark"
4. I havent been friends with a queer woman since early middle school. Maybe I am only dating men because they are whats available?
5. I know about compulsory heterosexuality, but like I said I had grown up with queer friends early in life. I dont think I feel that being straight is "mandatory", but that doesnt mean im not acting subconsciously on it?
6. I dont know that "lesbian" feels right, or maybe I'm just not used to it.
@cottoncandycloud96 Hello there! Whilst this isn't the case with many people, sexuality and gender can be fluid, or labels can fit, and then a decade later they don't. As we age, we change, and we learn to understand ourselves and our identity better. Only you can decide what you "are". Use whatever label makes you most comfortable, as long as it does actually fit to your feelings.
1. I know a lot of people who are aesthetically attracted to people, but not sexually/romantically. This means you like the way they look, but you wouldn't want to engage in sexual acts or romantic acts with them.
2. It is very possible that you are projecting your trauma onto your identity. It is also very possible that your trauma has had an influence on your identity, and as identity and labels are fluid, your perception of yourself has changed. Sex can feel good, even if you aren't aroused by the person themselves, as erogenous zones cannot be controlled.
3. Again, liking someone's appearance doesn't always mean you want to date them, or have a romantic/sexual relationship with them. Some are aroused by the idea of sex with a stranger, or a relationship that seems forbidden or secretive.
4. That may be. However, you can always look online to find queer women near your location, and see how things hit off. Identity can take trial and error, so they're no problem trying things out.
5. Compulsory heterosexuality is deeply engrained into society, so it may be that you're subconsciously dealing with it. However, this may not be the case as you have expressed previous attraction to girls without a problem.
6. You do not have to use the term lesbian. There are many alternatives. Alternative words for lesbian, if you feel that label describes you but you don't feel comfortable with it, can include: queer, unlabelled, questioning, sapphic, and wlw (women/an loving women/an). You do not have to label your sexuality or gender.
I hope this helps <3
I am in the same boat . Currently in a relationship with a much younger woman . Our love is very deep and true love . Neither of us want to be gay or live that lifestyle . It’s much tougher and she has a 4 year old son to make things much more complicated . We are considering splitting up and trying to remain
friends so she
can get married to a
man . I was married also for many years . Just go with your gut what feels right .
U stated the same things I'm carrying atm! So that means I'm BI too?
