Does This Mean I'm Gay?
I didn't know where to post this, but here I go.
Ever since I was little I've always felt different, but I think it all started when my sister dressed me up when I was 4, which I continue. Later in my teens I was sexual with boys that were my friends, but then it stopped for a long time. But over the years I've ended up getting my own sex toys of my gender, and to this day, I love to wear thongs and even makeup when I can.
But lately I've noticed that I'm constantly, day in and day out, exclusively thinking about men. I'm sure to look at me you wouldn't know it, but does this mean I'm exclusively gay?
I've been thinking I am, but I feel in a strange place and don't know what to do with this if true.
@steven134 hello there!
first of all, thank you for opening up to us about this <3
and secondly, i know how it feels to be confused about your sexual orientation and i am certain it's difficult thinking about how things will be after you openly admit to being part of the LGBTQ.
all i can say for certain is that it's okay not to be 100% certain about your orientation! you don't have to immediately know whether you're part of the community, or even know which term best suits you. what do you think about doing some research on LGBTQ+ terminologies and see which one describes your current situation best? <3
@KateDoskocilova Thank you for your message. 😊 I've been looking at A LOT of terms and information about the LGBTQ+ community, and "gay" is what seems as of now the closest thing that fits, but I thought reaching out to others who know better could identify something I'm either missing, or that gay is it for sure, and or see something more clearly to them from what I've said in my first post.
I just feel a little strange right now either way.
@steven134 determining whethere you're exclusively gay depends on whther or not you also feel attracted, sexually and/or romantically, to people who are not men.
Throughout your message you've only mentioned attracion to men and never to women, so I guess it's a big part of who you are.
For me, fantasizing played a huge part in discovering my orientation. If you try to imagine yourself in sexual/romantic situations with different people of different genders, how do those fantasies make you feel? What feels good, and what not so much? What looks like something you would want for yourself?
It sounds to me like you could very likely be gay, but in the end, you're the only one who can determine that for sure!
@Aayla Thank you so much for your response.
Now that you mention it, I honestly don't remember when it was when I was last sexually attracted to women, it has been so long (more than a year I think), but I do remember that when I was fantasizing over naked women, I was losing - how to word this - losing steam, interest, excitment. The best way to put it.
So, with this and what I've posted above, from what you have read, does this make me exclusively gay? (even just 30 minutes ago I ordred more thongs)
I'm really trying to ask people on here and get an outside opinion (other than my own which was the only one I had). I even took online tests which say I am, but I don't know if I trust them.
These thoughts and feels go WAY back, and there have been MANY signs. And I'm the type of person where unless I said something, I don't think you would know... But these thoughts have been getting stronger, and now not a day goes by.
What you you think?
@steven134 the fact that you lose interest and excitement when you fantasize about women seems like a quite clear suggestion that you don't feel attracted to them. On the contrary, when it comes to men, you feel attraction. Given what you've said so far, it really sounds to me like you are gay! Of course you're the only one who can know for sure, but since you've asked for an external opinion, that's what it sounds like to me.
You've also mentioned things like make up and dressing up with typically feminine clothes. Though gender expression is not necessarily connected to sexual orientation, it's very common for some (but not all) gay men to enjoy a more feminine presentation from time to time, although it's not necessarily a sign of gayness on its own.
@Aayla Thank you again for your message, you have great advice.
I think what you're saying is starting to sound right. I keep trying to test myself, so just now for the last hour or so, I've just been watching adult content of women solo, and a lot of close-ups of their "downstairs". And what I was left feeling was not excitement. I don't mean any offence to any woman, I'm just trying to figure things out for myself, but some of what I saw was a little gross to me. I've not really seen content like in a long time, and all I know is that the last hour or so, I was not excited.
From your perspective with what I continue to post, does this now mean I'm exclusively gay? (I understand that only I can say so, but I'm really looking for as much outside advice as possible)
On a really odd note, all year I've been wanting items with the Pride flag on (I bought one shirt) before I even know what I'm feeling. And I was looking at more items today, and I was actually thinking on buying the flag.
If you still continue with your kindness to respond, or have any questions that you know would help, that's okay.
I guess I just feel a little strange and want a solid answer from somewhere.
@steven134 yes, what you said so far makes me thing that you are exclusively gay, not bisexual
@Aayla I think you are right. I tested myself again, this time looking at male content and getting excited, and then switching over to looking at women, and I lost that excitement.
What do I do with this strange feeling of knowing (I think I knew deep down) that it confirms I'm exclusively gay?
What do people do when they first know it to themselves, and it is a secret? It feels very strange and right at the same time, but what do people usually do at this stage?
So it sounds like you're in the closet a bit right? As a lesbian I was very much in the closet and went out with guys, even married one for a horror story of a relationship, to figure out if I was attracted to guys and I definitely wasn't. Wasted my time and theirs. What you can do is try to make gay friends. I'm not sure of your age. It sounds like you're in your 20s, but you can always meet gay men and talk to them about it. I would say you are gay and trying to figure out how to come out or trying to understand the situation. If you do decide to come out make sure you're in a safe situation to do so. If not in a safe place, then try and figure out an escape plan.
