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I accidentally outed my crush :(

User Profile: wrenrainygardens
wrenrainygardens May 15th, 2025

There's this girl I like, and recently I found out she likes me back. We haven't talked about it or anything, but I went to a choir concert of hers recently and decided to buy her flowers. She seemed happy about it, but apparently her parents (who are Mormon and homophobic) saw me give them to her. She felt like she couldn't lie to them, so they now know she's queer and have said some pretty awful things from what I've heard.

It feels like this is my fault. I didn't know they'd be there, but I knew she was closeted and I should have checked. Our mutual friend said she seemed more frustrated than anything, and I worry she's upset with me or doesn't like me anymore because of this. We haven't seen each other or talked since then. I know how awful it is to not come out on your own terms, and idk I just feel horrible. Any help/advice?

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User Profile: Aayla
Aayla May 15th, 2025
@wrenrainygardens you didn't mean to do that, I don't think you should feel guilty for it, but I understand that your partner's going through a hard time right and might be frustrated with you too. Not because she actually thinks it was your fault, but simply because we're feeling so down we're just mad at the world. It's an irrational feeling that make take time to process, but in the end I think she'll realize you would never do anything to hurt her.
And maybe she's not even frustrated with you at all! Perhaps she's just going through a rough time because of her family and she needs some time for herself to sort out her feeling and process everything, and that's why she hasn't reached out yet. Or her family might have gotten in the way.
The only way to know for sure is by having an open-hearted conversation with her in which you both explain everything you feel and you discuss where you're going from now on. I know it's tough to have a conversation like that when you're dealing with guilt and fear of losing her, but it's the only way to make sure things can work between you two. You care deeply for each other, your effort will definitely be worth it! 
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