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  3. I'm pretty sure I am trans but don't know how to tell my parents.

I'm pretty sure I am trans but don't know how to tell my parents.

User Profile: HornetASpiderOfThreeMothers
HornetASpiderOfThreeMothers October 29th, 2025

So for context, I am 14 and born a male with divorced parents, but for the last 2-3 years I have been sure that my gender identity is not male, about 5 months ago I felt pretty confident that I am trans and just last month I came out to my friends. The problem is I don't know how to, or if, I should tell my parents, they both know that I am Bi which makes me happy but the problem is that my dad and his family are really Christian, and he almost brushes it off and acts like it is fake, so I'm worried he won't be able to accept that I am not a male. My mom, on the other hand was glad to hear that I was honest with her about being Bi, but being the oldest I have always been the disappointment and the guinea pig of the family, and my mom always talks about how she is happy she had only boys to raise (because all my siblings to my knowledge are straight males) because it is easier than raising kids of varying genders. Another thing that has steered me away from telling them is that I have been growing my hair out for about a year and they have both had gripes about it, dad thought it made no sense, and mom was gripping that she thought she wouldn't have to take care of hair or teach how to when she had all boys. I just don't know what to do and how to work with this, it has been a huge confidence boost to tell my friends and gotten a lot of weight off my chest, but the majority of my stress has been about how to and if, I should tell my parents. Any ideas? 😣 

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User Profile: Amanda84
Amanda84 October 29th, 2025

@HornetASpiderOfThreeMothers

I'm glad you are able to open up to your friends.

You are going through so much.

But I want you to know, your feelings matter.

You are not weird or strange and you are enough.

I hope in time, you'll find the space to be able to open up, but there's no rush 💜💕

i-love-you-love-you.gif

1 reply
User Profile: HornetASpiderOfThreeMothers
HornetASpiderOfThreeMothers OP October 30th, 2025

@Amanda84

Thanks, It has been confusing but my friends being there have made it so much easier. It is hard to grasp but it has been getting easier to understand as time goes on.

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User Profile: Aayla
Aayla October 30th, 2025
@HornetASpiderOfThreeMothers It's never easy, particularly when you're so young and you rely so much on your family.
There are no universal rules on when and how to come out, you should only do it if and when you feel ready. If you think the freedom to express yourself outweighs the uneasiness of dealing with their reaction, then you can consider doing it. If you still don't feel ready to face their reaction, it's ok to wait. You don't owe a coming out to anyone, it's something you do for yourself, and if you're not ready you don't have to force yourself into it.

However, if you think it's worth it and if it's becoming too hard to keep it all hidden, you can consider coming out with a letter, if you feel like facing them directly would be too much. You'll still have to talk to them and help them navigate this eventually, but you'll have time to get ready. 
At the end of the day, what should truly matter for a parent is their child's happiness. It might be hard to understand, but if they truly care for your freedom and happiness, they will eventually make an effort to understand you and at least hear you out.

It could also help you to come out to supportive friends first, so you'll know you're not alone and there will be someone by your side when you'll face the hardest coming outs.
Whatever you do, hold on and remember that it's your right to be yourself and be happy. Those who truly deserve you will understand.
1 reply
User Profile: HornetASpiderOfThreeMothers
HornetASpiderOfThreeMothers OP November 2nd, 2025

@Aayla finishing off the long week and coming back to this support means everything to me. Thank you <3

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User Profile: bestJet5874
bestJet5874 November 5th, 2025

@HornetASpiderOfThreeMothers make sure you have an escape plan so that way if they don’t accept then you have somewhere to go like a friend or an aunt or something like that if they have already supported you being by then, they probably won’t care if you’re trans

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