Is it too much to ask for people to ask my pronouns everyday?
I am genderfluid, and am semi-open about it. Most of my friend group knows about it and respects it fully, but, as part of my gender identity, my pronouns switch every day, maybe more often than that. Some people in my circle of friends only refer to me as she/her, which is sometimes ok, but sometimes just makes me question if my gender orientation is too complicated. In the past I have said I'm ok with all and any pronouns but recently it's been more of a problem.
Should I ask them to ask everyday, or is that too much?
Its not too much to ask people to respect your identity. I am genderfluid too and I get how frustrating it is. My fix was to find a pronoun set that I am always semi ok with, but another thing that I have heard people do is use pronoun pins to help the people around them. It is never your fault that your pronouns change and you have every right to ask people to respect them.
Personally I do think it's probably a bit too much, to request that the burden to know your current pronouns is put on other people in such frequency. I honestly think pronouns don't need to be that big of an issue, if she/her is not as comfortable, why not try to stick with a blanket gender-neutral pronoun, that way it doesn't need to feel so jarring when you're not feeling feminine. At a particular time or day I don't see any problem with asking, "hey could you call me by xx right now?", but wanting others to continually ask does seem a bit much.
@Drover
Hi! Another genderfluid person, yay!
The way I see it is that it might be a bit, for lack of a better word, overstepping for you to expect people to ask for your pronouns everyday. Something better would be to buy like a pin that says one set, and a pin for all the other sets and just wear them day to day. Or those cute little beaded bracelets that come with letter beads?! Dunno, do what you want! <3
@Drover
I think it may be too much to ask of people.
@Drover
It's definitely not too much to ask - your identity is valid and should be respected.
I know a few people who switch pronouns depending on how they feel, they have different ways of expressing this by doing things like sending a text message before we meet up to say what pronouns they want, or they wear colour coded bracelets (eg. Orange means they/Them, green means he/him, red means she/her etc) and they take them on and off depending on how they feel. It could also just be that you say to them I'm comfortable with any pronouns but ask that they do mix it up, rather than sticking with just one set (because that isn't fully respecting the identity). It's easily enough to switch between whichever pronouns it is you prefer.
Some people may find it confusing, and that's the case for anyone who uses pronouns different to what they were originally given, but with time it's possible for people to learn. I know online it's a lot easier to find a community of people who share similar identities and are very good at respecting pronoun choices, irl can be harder unfortunately.
But it's never too much to ask - you deserve to have your identity respected.
😸💖
@Drover people arent used to it
they wont ask
because its not part of them
its not integrated into them
give them time
cut them some slack
patience
ibe send good vibes :)