Things from your past haunt me today
You know that thing they say ,you live and you learn ... all and everything youve ever did in your life mostly the negative stuff , they haunt you .. forget if your married or something that person knows everything about it ... I'm 49 years old , there's so much I be messed up on in my life I don't even where to start in repairing things in life .. married with 5 children, learning to be a better parent and husband
@SirRoar
hello,
In my opinion too much time is wasted in deciding or debating where or when to start. Look at any big change like moving... it starts when we put things in a box ... does not matter in what room we start.
same with changes in life we start anywhere....... just start.... there is no one right place or right habit or item to change... once we start, we will tackle the next item as it comes up.
How do you deal with the fact that you hear about your mistakes from the pass daily .. while your trying to be better they in day out . That's my issue as of now .. it makes me feel like , what the point on trying to be better when I'm constantly reminded of my pass errors
@SirRoar
Who do you hear from family / friends? What you can do is feel sorry for them as they want to live in the past... perhaps they have nothing going on in their life now. I once had someone not be supportive or wanted me to stay in past with them.
Many people who always tell stories and remember everyone else's mistakes it is because they want to feel superior. the type who re-live glory days when their advice or guidance was needed... when we move on they like to pull us back to remember when you did this sor that
Hi!
This reminds me of what my husband would tell me years ago. He did cheat on me years ago. Of course it hurt like ***, and of course my trust for him went down the drain. I never brought it up unless he said something stupid in an argument that went against what he said he did. So of course, out of anger I would mention something about it. He would ask me why I just couldn’t trust him, and I would clearly have to state my reasoning even thought he already knew exactly why. Over time, I had to tell myself not to bring it up because he was right in a way, he’s going to keep hearing it and what’s the point of changing if he’s just going to keep getting reminded of it? I trust him more now and I don’t ever bring it up now. I don’t want to say it takes time because I’m obviously never going to forget it and it’s always going to be something that hurt me. But if I want to move forward, I also have to learn not to keep bringing things up from the past. I mean if he did it again, then yeah I’m done this time and doing it all over again. I don’t know what kind of mistakes are being brought up for you because I don’t know your situation. I do think you need to have conversations with people who keep being up your mistakes from the past that you really are trying to work on yourself, so they should give you a chance. Not sure if that’s been done before and what their responses were.
My dear SirRoar,
There is an old adage that goes, "You cannot live in the past, you cannot predict the future, all you can do is be the best person you can be in this moment."
After I read this, and made it part of my [mental] self care routine I have achieved a small victory in my struggle. I was first diagnosed in 2000 and, as of January this year, I am a 25 year veteran of working towards a better me.
I am looking at your current issue and the fact that you are working on being a better parent and partner and I, from personal experience, admire your tenacity and I also feel your problem - I've been there.
How did I approach it? I closed down anyone that tried to make me me remember/ dwell on/ justify my past mistakes. Telling people who wanted to drag me down with that stuff, "That's not me anymore." "You can't live in the past." "That's gone and done and all I can do now is be better."
In other words, and this may sound abrupt but shut them down. Send a clear message that you are done with what has been and you are working toward a better place.
Make this simple sentence a part of what you say, to yourself, every morning you wake up and look in the mirror - yeah, take ten minutes in the mirror with just you, your toothbrush and the mirror and tell yourself, every single morning, "I am NOT my past, I am NOT my mistakes."
Every time you reinforce yourself by saying this your mind will become stronger and more resistant to those who would drag you down.
I firmly believe this would help. I hope so.
Namaste,
D.
