How do you "mindfully" handle rejection?
Live your life for you not for anyone else. Dont let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself. ~Sonya Parker
"What did I do wrong?" or "Why don't they want to talk to me no more?" or "I'm just not worth it to anyone" I bet hearing these words make you feel you not someone good enough-right? As unpleasant as "rejection" is IT'S PART OF LIFE, and even me and mine is not exception. As time went by and I had kids and allowed myself to engage in the worls, I invited rejection into my life. A crush I had only wanted to be friends. Something I ran for in school I wasn't elected. I didn't get that promotion. Wow rejection friggin hurts!!!
Discussion:
1. What does rejection look like to you?
2. When you are rejected how do you think and feel? Can you explain this?
3. Now that you shared on how you are feeling and thinking, how do you think mindfulness skills can help refocus you and give you some grounding?
4. Can you share on some skills that help you desculate the negative feelings/thoughts when you are dealing with rejection?
Some helpful mindfulness exercise:
Why We All Need To Practice Emotional First Aid-Ted Talks https://bit.ly/1vTarDo
How to Handle Rejection as a High Sensation Seeking, Highly Sensitive Person https://bit.ly/2iwiyu6
Dealing With Rejection https://bit.ly/2nO6er1
4 ways Mindfulness can help with rejection https://bit.ly/2w2rjkn
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Be empathetic towards the other person who is doing the rejecting. Usually there is a good reason for it, and the majority of the time - that very reason is always none of my business! :)
@LotusFlower2018 I think that is a great idea as the person that judges others really confines themselves to a narrow point of view.
Handling rejections might seem to be tough but when we know our self worth then it becomes so easy... Rejections doesnt make the person who rejects us as a bad human being, its just that he/she isnt ready to accept you for that situation... When an orater delivers a seminar... Half of the audience may like it... Half of the audience may dislike it... But that doesnt mean that the orater was bad or good or unworthy... Being mindfull abt ur self-worth would always provide u with a power to face all the rejections and once u accept the fact that u cant please everyone or every situation might not favour u... Then this mindfulness being conscious abt thr value of the self makes it easier to accept and combat rejections
#StayBlessed #StayPositive #BelieveYourself #SelfLove #SelfWorth 😊😊
@HealingAngel4u Every situation might not favour us, yes. Guess what matters is to still pursue what feels true to our heart, regardless the acceptance or rejection. Self-honesty has such power to leave an ever-lasting influence eventually. :)
Thanks for saying 'it is alright',,It is certainly, not all times and moments would be encouraged by the outside world, but if we can observe, evaluate, forgive, and rework within us, through the support and love of ourselves and of close ones, there is nothing breaking us ever. :)
@Fristo
Very well said... It amazing that whatever i think and sometimes when i m an u able to express it in words... I have few angels like u in my life to help me grow and all others 😊😊
@HealingAngel4u good grief, so much philosophical feel-good fluff for responses to this question. It sounds like I'm in LA-LA land. 🙄
Yeah, I'm being a stick in the mud because rejection and abandonment is still a huge, huge problem. I've learned to be more cynical and untrusting since most listeners don't give a shit and management simply turns the other way.
(Sigh) And now I suppose this is the point where everyone will apologize for this happen to me and tell me to be positive keep trying, right? So cliché. I get so sick of everyone pretending to care. 💩
@Ranmusic
I m so sorry dear for ur terrible experience here but that doesn't mean we don't have the best listeners here... 7 cups of tea is the best platform for getting helped u just need to approach the best listeners... They work like magic... And helps to change the thinking pattern of our life... Wish u get helped soon... And yes, rejections comes to those who are strong enough to handle them... I m proud of u for ur efforts for the self care... Bless u 😊😊
@HealingAngel4u what I can't handle is not knowing if anything is being done about these issues. I can't get answers at all. And your reply is very typical. Sorry, but it doesn't help. I'm sure you're a lovely person but you sound like someone who was coached to say what you did.
I've been complaining about this issue for two years (I think) and all I get are replies like this. I guess that means nothing is being done about it. Sad.
@Ranmusic
I m amazed that atleast u took time to speak up about the reality... And i personally appreciate u for this... Here, none is the boss and none commands us to behave in a particular way... Its all upto our choice... When we go to market to buy a product u may get ur product in the highest as well as lowest quality... It depends on u which one to choose... If u didnt get good listeners u may explore more... 7 cups is not a scanty place for best listeners although some comparitively satisfactory listeners might be present too along with the best one... U should try them too... Its not that if u buy a downgraded product from market as if it means the whole product thing is bad... Insulting the unconditional and selfless service of the truely dedicated best listeners here is not a good option if u didnt get the best one... One badly rancid apple on the tree doesnt make the whole tree bad... Try being little optimistic... Stay blessed... 😊😊
@HealingAngel4u
Let's see, how do I reply?
1. I always read profiles carefully.
2. I have talked to listeners whose profiles and interest have followed mine.
3. I have talked to listeners whose profiles and interest have NOT followed mine.
4. I have talked to "veterans".
5. I have talked to "newbies".
6. I have talked to women, men, and non binary people.
7. I have talked to both young and old.
8. I have talked to 5-star listeners.
9. I have talked to 1-star listeners.
(And everything in between)
10. And I have talked to management via email several times.
So there is nothing you can tell me I haven't done.
Your produce sample disregards the fact that stores try to buy the freshest fruits and vegetables possible. They do not intentionally buy bad produce. That's what people buy. If they become bad, they are marked down substantially or thrown away. My point is that 7cups NEEDS to put provisions in place to make sure they get listeners who will be as least problematic as possible and that includes some kind of training to teach them how to be respectful and use good manners. Again, like every listener/mentor, you just slide over this problem like it's no big deal. You acknowledge it's a problem but end up saying 'oh well, that's how it is'.
You might as well say "Hey, if you don't like the bad produce, just pick out all the best bits as best you can". If a store had that attitude, it would be out of business in no time!
7cups is not even TRYING to recognize and fix this abandonment problem. And I understand quite well that not every one can be winners. Believe me, if this was just a handful of listeners from time to time, I would not have wasted one minute trying to remedy the problem. But it happens OFTEN and very regularly! That's the problem!
If you walked into a store and saw that 80% of the produce was rotten, would you complain to manage to get fresh items or would you buy and eat it because that's just how it is?
I don't know, maybe you're the kind of person who would order a meal at a restaurant, receive it totally wrong, and eat it anyway because there's nothing you can do about it.
@Ranmusic
Awww... Dear... I totally feel u... To be honest even i have more number of listeners seeking help from me rather than the members... I do agree to all ur points... I feel awful abt u had worst experience here... If u wud like i may refer u to best listeners here... Pm me for having refferals
@HealingAngel4u thanks but no thanks
@Ranmusic sorry you are not happy with the listeners at 7cups. Hope you find the support you need.
I have personally worked with many listeners and have found something beneficial about many of them. I just want to put in a shout out to all the listeners doing a fabulous job. i appreciate you and hope you continue giving your time and attention to helping others.
I'm quite new at mindfulness but here's how I would approach the situation.
Firstly - before it even happens I would ask myself: What did I tend to think when I was rejected in the past. Do I notice any patterns of behaviour, reactions or thoughts about myself or others? How did I cope with it in the past? Did I cope with it the way I think is right? Did I react the way that I think is right? Such self analysis may be a potent weapon against rushing into automatic behaviour. And of course, changing such a situation into a case study may actually let me look at the situation from a wider perspective - therefore changing the meaning attached to the experience.
Secondly - I would try become aware as soon as possible that what I feel is my own responsibility. What's even more important if I would feel disappointment - I would need to realize it's nobody's fault but mine for setting high expectations on someone and it would not be fair to be upset with someone because he does not want to be as I want him to be.
And what I think is really crucial - take a very careful consideration about what has really happened. Rejection is a very dangerous trap that can easily cause one to react to the perception of reality instead of the reality itself. The points I would consider would be:
Was it really rejection? Maybe I am jumping to conclusions? Was the rejection really ment? - people do a lot of things they do not mean. Was the rejection ment to make me feel bad about myself?
What was rejected? Were my motives really pure? Did I really try to connect with this person? Did I have a right attitude, or maybe I was trying to be someone I am not? Were I present in the moment and reacting to reality or maybe I have let myself be dragged into daydreaming about wedding and having kids with this person?
Finally - I would consider what has this situation taught me about myself.
I already posted to this thread, but it popped up again so I thought I would add some things seen as how I have dealt with a lot of rejection throughout my life. A few things I have noticed about people rejecting you (and also true about bullies) is that these people repeat things that have been said to them which makes me think....Instead of feeling rejected I actually pity them in a way. Its not nice what they say, but I try to understand why they are saying it. Its not personal. Its them. For some reason, maybe they feel they can 'get rid' of some things that have hurt them.
@modestTalker1536 I agree that rejection often hurts the person who is doing the rejecting than the person is rejected. People who reject one person have already split their world in two, people I accept and people I reject. That is the recipe for unhappiness
By reminding yourself that everyone have their own choices and you might not be chosen this time, but next time you will, in better time and condition❤️
Well, by getting rejected, you have the chance to find someone who will truly care for you and accept you for who you are and use that thought to pull through the rejection. You could remind yourself that many people also went through rejections, and that you're not alone in this.
How? By letting me know you are rejecting me. By telling me there is no chance. By being honest and even the bigger person. By telling me I am not missed nor do they want to spend one more breath on me. People hurt people...it sucks. How long should someone suffer?
For me, it ruined me. The guilt, the sorrow, the feeling of death, I almost lost my mind. I was so remorseful and I wanted to die. I didn't think I would make it.
All I wanted was a Response. I needed it. I died a little more each day. It wasn't even closure. I needed it for my sanity.
Today, I have regained my sanity. It took years. Lots of crying, hoping, believing, praying, and finally making a fool of myself. Perhaps today I would be better mentally, emotionally, spiritually.
I don't need a rejection. It was there all along but I thought if they saw me, they'd see how I felt.
The last 5 years were tortures and I can't even describe it with words. All I needed was the words "I reject you"
I will never be the same. The whole experience killed a part of me I will never get back.
I believe that people can accept others. It's about love and making one another better people. I will never look back. I will never hope or pray or believe. I love and respect myself. Now I have to put all of my soul's pieces together and I finally don't care I wasn't good enough.
I am reclaiming my life back. All I needed was a response. It's okay to be rejected. I think it's the best thing that can happen. Then you can be thankful that you didn't waste your time.
Possible trigger
Let me be clear, I was horrible to this person and I hurt so many people. I was struggling mentally and was having a manic/depressing episode. No excuse but I was psychotic. I was hospitalized.
I became homeless, had no food, no clothes, no one to turn to. I ended in a shelter in the worst town.
I was rejected, judged, ridiculed, humiliated, made fun of, scared. 5 years and its finally over. I was rejected and he enjoyed watching me suffer.
The sooner you are rejected, the better
