How do you "mindfully" handle rejection?
Live your life for you not for anyone else. Dont let the fear of being judged, rejected or disliked stop you from being yourself. ~Sonya Parker
"What did I do wrong?" or "Why don't they want to talk to me no more?" or "I'm just not worth it to anyone" I bet hearing these words make you feel you not someone good enough-right? As unpleasant as "rejection" is IT'S PART OF LIFE, and even me and mine is not exception. As time went by and I had kids and allowed myself to engage in the worls, I invited rejection into my life. A crush I had only wanted to be friends. Something I ran for in school I wasn't elected. I didn't get that promotion. Wow rejection friggin hurts!!!
Discussion:
1. What does rejection look like to you?
2. When you are rejected how do you think and feel? Can you explain this?
3. Now that you shared on how you are feeling and thinking, how do you think mindfulness skills can help refocus you and give you some grounding?
4. Can you share on some skills that help you desculate the negative feelings/thoughts when you are dealing with rejection?
Some helpful mindfulness exercise:
Why We All Need To Practice Emotional First Aid-Ted Talks https://bit.ly/1vTarDo
How to Handle Rejection as a High Sensation Seeking, Highly Sensitive Person https://bit.ly/2iwiyu6
Dealing With Rejection https://bit.ly/2nO6er1
4 ways Mindfulness can help with rejection https://bit.ly/2w2rjkn
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@RumpleSteeleSkin Nice discussion!
Hello I'm tammie a listener from the uk
@tjb28 Welcome Tammie to Mindfulness Community! :)
We'd like to have your inputs on - How do you mindfully handle rejections?
@ASilentObserver
Hiya Silent thank you for being supportive
@tjb28
Hiya Tammy Im glad to see you here. How are you doing? Can I ask is there anything you like to know/ask on mindfulness SC?
1. What does rejection look like to you?
An act of pushing something or someone away!
2. When you are rejected how do you think and feel? Can you explain this?
When with given personality and abilities you try to get someone or something due to rejection, it feels like Disappointing. It feels like how could it be possible to get rejected after having some nice abilities and resources with you. In that minute, you feel like you're NOBODY in this earth. Feels lost!
3. Now that you shared on how you are feeling and thinking, how do you think mindfulness skills can help refocus you and give you some grounding?
Mindfulness allow you to
==> Understand that you're not alone who faced this rejection.
==> Understand that possibly something was missing in you which led to rejection.
==> Understand that if you could work to figure out missing thing and fill the gap, you could become better and chancs of rejection would be less. Example, a fresher generally rejected in an interview for an experienced role. So, if he can start from Scratch and Earn Experience he can re-apply for the role and get that!
4. Can you share on some skills that help you desculate the negative feelings/thoughts when you are dealing with rejection?
==> Remind yourself what struggles you faced to accompish something in past. It gives you motivation to stand on your feet.
==> Feed your mind that "It's okay to get rejected because it allows you to know where you're lacking." So you can improve yourself and become better.
==> Write down your thoughts on a paper and feel clean space of your mind. It allows you to generate new ideas and thoughts to move on!.
==> Introspect yourself at the end of the day. And see what good you did and what bad happened. All in all, it allows you to be mindful.
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These were my thoughts on dealing with rejection, my way!
Determined to learn yours! Care2Share
@ASilentObserver
Hello Silent thank you for participating in this discussion
AAwww to feel disappointed and feel like a nobody isn't a great feeling to have. Rejection is a very strong word that has many strong unfair reactions to many. Yes I to agree that when dealing with rejection that mindfulness can help you understand and accept that you are not alone and also it may help you to work on some personal growth as well. Wow wonderful skills on mindfully remembering past situations and feelings you had before and how you worked through them. As well as writing things down, as new ideas come in you have a whole new page of new skills that can help deal with rejection and other sensitive and ovewhelming feelings.
This is wonderful!!
@RumpleSteeleSkin Thanks Rumple :)
@ASilentObserver
Welcome Silent
@RumpleSteeleSkin - that is a tough one. painful feelings and emotions are probably one of the biggest drivers of distraction or avoidance of mindfulness but probably need it the most so they can be expressed and then let go of?
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
HIya there Krinkie Glad to see you here in check-in today. I agree with you that it is very tough and painful for many. As well as plenty of reasons why we avoid as well. That is why I introduced mindfulness to rejection. Its a very painful and unfair feeling to deal with and most deal with it alone. Mindfulness teaches on many levels how we can learn how to ease the intensity of the feelings and thoughts, to gather the facts on situations where rejection is involved, as well as to learn not to judge ourselves but more so to be kind-loving to ourselves. I think I'm going to be doing more posts on this level
@RumpleSteeleSkin - great idea! i think we all need to work on that sometimes.
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
Very true Krinkie but I challenge for you to take this in and let it settle within you........................
As I do the same!
@RumpleSteeleSkin - thank you!
@KrinkTheMellowUnicorn
Unicornieee any time ya here
@RumpleSteeleSkin
1. What does rejection look like to you?
Rejection looks like scary thing that we have to go through because in that condition we are unacknowledged or unapproved.
2. When you are rejected how do you think and feel? Can you explain this?
I feel disappointed and anger would come with it. But I think that there
@adaptiveLight27 Nice points Light :)
@ASilentObserver
Thanks, Obs!
@adaptiveLight27
Light hi and thank you for participating in this discussion I am sorry that rejection feels so scary for you as well as not feeling approved Yes I can understand that rejection can make you feel disappointed and angry as at times you just don't really understand why-you know.It is good to hear you are thinking on why and how to fix it. But do you ever think it's on the other person and not you? How would you "fix" it? Communication on how the person has you feeling? And you have every right to feel this way!!
Wow I so love how you explained how mindfulness can be some grounding of accepting rejection. Awesome- yes mindfulness can really focus us on not to ignore the negative feelings but also see or search out for the good as well as goals. I agree with you on finding some positive support to help out on dealing with rejection. Self care is a great thing as well. As it helps look in on you. Wow you inspired me here some-thank you
@RumpleSteeleSkin
Hi Rumple, yes I think about other person and not me, but after me first 
If nothing I could do to fix it, then it lets me know that is not my fault or something wrong with me, and I could learn something new by those experiences. So, I can move to find another area which I can be approved and worth to me.
Im glad to hear that, Rumple! Thank you for sharing great tips and deep discussion!
Hi Rumple- great post!
Rejection looks like to me: pushing me away, silencing me, ignoring me and or not paying attention to body tone. For example, i felt rejected by my friend last night. After opening up to him about some difficult things (huge for me) he had no comment and then started yawning as if bored. I understand the tiredness but he didn't even apologize for the yawn and it hurt with no response back. It makes me question if he was listening you know?
I think negatively. I am hurt in so many ways because I feel like I have been rejected all my life. It makes me question if I am even worthy of love. If i even belong here.
Just being aware of the negative and hopefully able to shift my mindset to more of a positive frame.
Umm i don't think i got any here.
@fighter23
Hello Fighter thank you. Also great to see you participating in the discussion Oh no- how you feel when someone rejects you is not nice or right. I'm sorry it makes you feel pushed away, silenced and ignored. That isn't a good feeling and wrong.You know Fighter I am so glad you opened up to him EVEN tho he had nothing to share with you. It is right for you to feel the way you did or even questioning it to. BUT that behavior or the way he acted isn't on you-but him. You were great to open up and share on something heavy and bothering you. It isn't on you how others react.
Awww Fighter- here I want you to have a voice! I want you to be free to share whatever it is you feel comfortable with! I want you to be able to feel safe and wanted here. Here I want you to be you- CAUSE YOU ARE WANTED Good to hear that you are being aware of the negativity but hopeful that with mindfulness skills your midset can change to some positive. Fighter- be patient with yourself. Allow yourself room to fail and get up and know you can do this. Self-compassion
@RumpleSteeleSkin Hi ya Rumple! Your comment just made me cry! As I think about how I want to respond I got nothing. Your kindness is incredible! <3
I know my friend's actions are on him. It sucks because we are best friends and he is a great person. He is all I really got and I have to keep the big stuff away from him which hurts! :(
Sadly I have never really experienced having a voice so that one is more difficult to start doing! Your paragraph of you wanting me to belong, to be wanted and to be safe to say whatever I want is like my biggest goal in life. I have never felt accepted, worthy of love and so on. Trying to break that has been the hardest thing because I am so mean to myself at this point. Working on self compassion with my awesome therapist. One day it will stronger than it has ever been. I know I will get it down eventually! <3
@fighter23
aaww Fighter thank you for feeling I am kind to you I so do understand how having 1 good friend you trust and are comfortable with. But again as I said before it's on him not you. Do you think he can fully understand your trauma stories? Do you think it might be overwhelming only cause he might not know how to answer you right? Sometimes that could be the issue. Give it some time, maybe share little stories as not not overwhelm him.
I am sorry that you never really had a voice. And yes it can be a challenge as to gain a voice and feel confident. But- YOU CAN DO THIS Yes I want you to feel safe, welcomed, having a voice and find and show who you are. It can be very scary, but can I suggest...how about doing it here on 7cups? It is safe, anonymous and you can try this with certain people as you want to. I do believe in you and that is a wonderful goal to make. I'm very happy that you have a good therapist working with you on things
@RumpleSteeleSkin That could be one possible reason. As I have been reaching out to my therapist I have learned that we can't always share with the ones we love. He will still be a great friend I just can't open with the more difficult things. I will find other ways to keep going though.
I know one day I will feel more comfortable and forthcoming but until then I just will keep doing my own thing. Appear when i feel like it and disappear at other points. Though I am not always responding I do try to read every post! <3 Feeling the love! Thank you so much and thank you for believing in me! <3
1. What does rejection look like to you? Failure
2. When you are rejected how do you think and feel? Can you explain this? That I'm a failure and stupid and worthless as if I can't do anything right and I start to believe all of the bad things my dad and others used to tell me
3.Now that you shared on how you are feeling and thinking, how do you think mindfulness skills can help refocus you and give you some grounding? They can help me work on my skills and accept that rejection is apart of life that it doesn't mean I'm a failure idk tbh.
4. Can you share on some skills that help you desculate the negative feelings/thoughts when you are dealing with rejection? Writing down my goals and aspirations and good things about myself is what my therapist suggested and it has kind of stuck with me.
Hello! I feel rejected by my neighbors sometimes. I feel so different than them. I stay to myself these days.
@RumpleSteeleSkin I've been rejected (abandoned and/or blocked) so many times, is almost comical. If there was a '7cups Book of World Records', I would easily hold the record for the greatest number of rejections.
Pathetic, really.
However, I refuse to cower into a hole feeling sorry for myself. I prefer to push back. Hard! But I'm not a soulless troll either. I just want to see some proactivity from "management" in trying to improve this dilemma. I have left numerous post on what the problems are and some ways of fixing them so I'm not going to go through all of that. Instead, I will continue to fight this out.
Having said all that, there have been some really great listeners I've worked with - so much so that I'm seriously considering becoming a listener myself. But it's not only to help others but to bring these issues more front and center than I can as a member. I figure if I put the smack down as a listener, I'll DEFINITELY get more attention, maybe even to the point of being suspended. I know, that's a piss poor reason to be a listener but I simply know of no other way of getting some proactive involvement here.
How the hell can most listeners help others if they can't even help themselves be better at what they do?
Providing more tools for those who are dedicated would help. And eliminating those who have no business being on this site would REALLY help!
1. What does rejection look like to you?
To me, rejection looks like holding on to an idea of someone or something that's being pushed away.
2. When you are rejected how do you think and feel? Can you explain this?
When I'm rejected I feel helpless. I desperately try to cling on to what little left there is of whatever. I feel pathetic, I think that everyone is against me.
3. Now that you shared on how you are feeling and thinking, how do you think mindfulness skills can help refocus you and give you some grounding.
I have to remember that when I feel how I feel that I'm not alone. That I can't control that ONE aspect, I do have control of other things in my life. Eventually things will get better and I'll get over the feeling.
4. Can you share on some skills that help you desculate the negative feelings/thoughts when you are dealing with rejection?
Journaling always works, to write down what you need improvement in. Learning to breathe to help control your feelings. Taking the rejection one day at a time. LET YOURSELF FEEL. Don't bury everything because it'll lead to bad feelings later on.
