Mindfulness Daily Check In April 4, 2018
Morning everyone or evening
I am happy to see each and everyone one of you today
As you all know April is the month for Child Abuse Awareness. So for today I really didn't want to over think this and throw out skills after skills. I wanted more so to connect with you all today on this topic. So please if you are comfortable and feel safe, share of your thoughts on child abuse or anything you like.
So please share thoughts, poems, a pictures or anything to support no more child abuse
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@RumpleSteeleSkin
Difficult subject...
I would ask people to pause and think a moment about when sibling rivalry and "typical" sibling fighting and how sometimes what happens between siblings isn't normal. A lot of sibling abuse survivors don't want to step forward because they are told they're "whine babies" (no matter their age). Sibling abuse is a difficult subject to engage - at the time it's happening, the child survivor doesn't have the words to convey how bad things are. Later in life, when a sibling abuse survivor feels secure enough to open the subject with someone - it's just like any abuse survivor - it's painful to endure reliving and wanting someone to believe you, people walk away because they don't know how to respond or cope with what the sibling abuse survivor has said, and people deny it was that bad (oh, come on, all siblings fight).
Just like any abuse, sibling abuse contains a level of aggression beyond what is "fun" and what is "typical". Siblings can abuse other siblings and it looks like any other type of abuse -- closed fist punching, kicking, forceful slapping, hitting with objects, stabbing, mental torment and abuse, intensive verbal abuse and more. Few adults intercede on a child's behalf because somewhere it's been said oh it's just how siblings are or oh that's normal. Sometimes, it's not normal. Sometimes, it's torture. Sometimes, it's abuse.
There's a point in time when the "typical" isn't typical between siblings and people need to pause and look at the interactions between siblings and evaluate if it's beyond playful, beyond rivalry and falls into the harmful.
Sibling abuse doesn't have an out for the victim - well, any positive ones.
I'd like to continue on this subject.... but I don't have it in me today. This is too close to home.
@diplomaticconfucious
I have never thought of anything like this, thank you for opening my eyes to this.
I think this is very brave of you to start this conversation. As you say, it hits close to home, and lets be honest, child abuse is a terribly hard subject to start on even if it isn't something someone has personally experienced.
Thank you for starting the conversation anyway, and even though there isn't much I can add because I have no experience with this type of abuse, the fact that I've never heard off it proves to me that you are right: this needs more attention.
Take care
@JayTheBird14
wow this is heavy but true
@JayTheBird14
Thank you Jay.
I hope this is a conversation we can eventually continue here at 7cups.
@diplomaticconfucious
HI Diplomatic good to see youBut before I get into my reply hugzmany if you need them hun! I do understand you on your example here totally. Siblings will always fight to a degree-its natual. But parents or loved ones who care for them should be sharing positive ways to handle anger. Those reactions from others who don't understand what abuse survivor goes through....well they need to stay in the corner!!!! I do agree with you on the levels of sibling fighting are. Still parents or loved ones NEED to show them right from wrong.
"There's a point in time when the "typical" isn't typical between siblings and people need to pause and look at the interactions between siblings and evaluate if it's beyond playful, beyond rivalry and falls into the harmful." love this alot well said!
I want to thank you for sharing your thoughts on this even tho it was hard for you. Thank you for feeling comfortable here
My neck and head are killing me and I saw my PCP MD yesterday and she did NOTHING!!!!!! I told her what my pain mgmt doctor and the ER said and she refuses to do anything. I escalated the pysc MD refusal to help also and she won't help with that either. I really don't know how to get help anymore and really don't know what to do anymore or who even to talk to anymore.
@DanaMH
Dana, you sound lost and I believe that you are in a lot of pain. The feeling of not getting help is just awful. I wonder what you could do to help yourself to get at least some breaks?
@DanaMH
Hey Dana <3 I appreciate you checking in. I want you to be able to be heard, would you be interested in posting about your experiences in the general entries subforum? I'm afraid you won't get the support you need in this thread because it is a mindfulness check in on the topic of child abuse. Good luck and I wish you well :)
@RumpleSteeleSkin
I believe that it is very important to make children and teens feel loved and protected within the family. Too many of them have to bear the pain which was inflicted on them for the rest of their lives. In no way it is excusable to me if a child/teen is harmed or molested or even more and it is awful if those things are ignored or "made unvalid" just to keep up "a good picture". Children and teens usually are too young to defend themselves.
@amiablePeace77
Hi Peace good to see youYes to have all age groups of kids they need to feel loved and important. Someone special instead of the "little one" or " your not an adult yet" aawww that got me a bit emotionalno matter what abuse is not right and should always be heard. But I know for many it's not. That is why I am appreciative of 7cups allowing us to honor and become more aware of this. Thank you for sharing this and feeling comfortable and safe here
I saw a movie recently that had child abuse references. I hope it encourages parents to think about their behaviour and also bystanders to intervene.
@Longing4peace
Peace hi good to see youhey if a movie people get awareness more then so be it!! Show it daily you know. And also the special by standers that know all but walk away.........
I think also there needs to be more support for abusers. Most people dont grow up thinking I wanna abuse my kids when Im a grown up. They just dont have the skills and resort to what they know. Theres so much stigma and shame. People are afraid to come forward for help and the abuse grows in the shadows.
@RumpleSteeleSkin (This was a lot longer than I thought it would be and I'm not sure whether it's quite on track 
oops! Apologies for the ramble 
)
The one time (as far as I recall) I witnessed child abuse and recognised it immediately as being unacceptable was when I was about 8, sister was 1, having a tantrum (as they do!), so I went downstairs to see what was going on and found my dad in absolute fury, shaking her and yelling. I just remember pulling her and pushing him away, getting her safe and breaking down crying (which was really unusual for me) cause I was so confused as to why he was doing that to a baby – Id never witnessed him (or any adult) treat her or my brother (or any kid) violently before.
That said, my dad was abusive towards me in a variety of ways growing up, fortunately anything physical has become relatively rare after he was ill a few years ago. I only really recognised it all for what it was in this past year and its definitely been a big one to get my head around – ongoing process really and somehow life feels a lot more complicated than it did 9 months ago. I guess on the mindfulness side of things, its helpful in recognising when my thoughts/actions are logical or if Im thinking that way because of any of the things that happened, as well as being more aware these days of when hes acting inappropriately – though its all pretty confusing and hard to be sure of any of it 
The one thing I get most stuck on with trying to rationalise is whether I am or have been abusive towards anyone myself, (for example Im very emotionally detached around my family and dont like them coming too close to me so probably come off as cold/uncaring, but I can usually deal with some emotion and touch from friends – so makes me wonder if that would be felt as me being emotionally abusive towards family members or if its more like a coping mechanism...) cause obviously I don't ever want to hurt anyone. I think on one hand being aware of that is helpful because Im usually very aware and careful of the things I say and do and how it might affect people, but on the other its definitely gotten me into a lot of situations where people have taken advantage.
