The Practice of Detachment
One thing I've been practicing recently to help myself be more mindful is detachment. I convince myself that the outcome I really want is not going to happen, and then I come to terms with it. This way I'm not too attached to a certain outcome, and then I don't suffer when the outcome I wanted doesn't happen, and if it does, then it feels that much better. I hope this helps you. 
@Probius
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@RumpleSteeleSkin. Stupid question. What are
@yzzil
Yzzil hi I don't know stupid questions but I do know the answer to your important question
Taglists are used for people here who are interested in a certain area in the forums. Whenever things are posted from that area-say here mindfulness, we use that "taglist" of names and an alert goes out to all those people. Sharing "Hey you all- I just wrote things great go read it" lollol
@RumpleSteeleSkin. Rrrrriiiggghhhtttt, but isnt there supposed to be a post attached?? Today I got two taglist notifications with no post. Im confused. 🤓
@yzzil
Yes the taglist I posted with Probius forum thread I attached the list
@Probius
HI Probius great post. Do you mean on the lines of abandonment too?
@RumpleSteeleSkin Thanks. :) I'm not sure. What do you mean by abandonment?
@Probius
haha what do you mean by detachment?
@RumpleSteeleSkin By detachment, I mean not being attached. I try to focus on not being attached to ideas or things, in that I view them as good, enjoy them, but I try not to feel like I need them for my own happiness. I hope that makes sense. :)
@Probius
thank you for explaining as there are many things for detachment so I want to make sure I had it right how you were explaining it
Hey there. That's great post, @probius :) But... how do you keep yourself from having the expectations? How do you convince yourself? Don't you get a little anxious for the outcome you wanted, even if you keep saying to yourself it's not going to happen? How do you discipline yourself? (I'm so sorry for all the questions, I'm trying to practice it myself, but I'm having a hard time).
Thanks! :)
@jjoycesantana Those are great questions. I know that I will have expectations, but then I challenge those expectations. I keep a running dialogue in my mind, and when I begin to have these expectations, I tell myself that I can't know the future and that my expectations are not necessarily going to happen. I also try to imagine what will happen if things don't go my way, and I try to see the good in that negative outcome. I can see that the world will keep going and that I will still be able to have a happy life even without the outcome that I want. I will still get a little anxious, that's true, but the more I convince myself that I don't need my preferred outcome, the less anxious I feel. It's a spectrum, and I can be anywhere on that spectrum. If I only succeed a bit, it's still better to be a little less anxious, and I know that if I keep improving a bit at a time I will get to where I want to be. Slow and steady wins the race. :) I think the key to disciplining myself is to not be too hard on myself. I will have ups and downs, and I know that I have a tendency to judge myself when I don't live up to the expectations I have for myself. So, I keep reminding myself that I am learning, and I try to take valuable lessons away from my failures. As long as I feel that I am moving forward and getting better, it's okay to fail sometimes. Every day I get just a little better at detaching myself from these expectations and needs for certain outcomes, and I can already feel more inner peace in my life, even though I still feel anxious about certain outcomes sometimes. I hope that helps. :)
@Probius, thank you so much for answering! :) And you're absolutely right. The more we make sure to remain realistic about some things, the more we avoid the anxiety around the expectations that come with them. I really appreciate your answer. :)
@Probius ok sort of letting go and let it be? I can defintely try that
@Probius I'm curious how what you describe as detachment is any different from pessimism, where one convinces oneself that what they want won't happen, and perhaps not even worth pursuing as a result? Couldn't this lead to more depressive thinking? "It's not like it really matters to begin with..." Trying to convince oneself that the wanted thing never mattered to them in the first place in order to cope with the idea of it not happening?
Why is it necessary to attempt predicting the future in order to practice detachment? Is it necessary to practice at all? Could one instead desire an outcome, make no predictions about whether or not they're receive it, but have the skills ahead of time to cope with the emotional results, if the results end up being that we don't get what we want; such as the skill of self-compassion?
Rather than preventing suffering from ever occuring by never expecting things to go your way, why not simply let the result be what it'll be and be able to embrace and soothe one's suffering with mindful self-compassion? What is the advantage of practicing detachment as you've described it over other methods?
Hi @Zeraphim, great questions. I don't think it's necessary to practice detachment. I've found it to be helpful, and it could help others, but it's not the only way. I think detachment is different from pessimism in that pessimism means that I don't think anything good will happen, and I'm sad over this belief, but detachment means that I don't really know if a certain outcome will happen, but I realize that I will still be happy even if it doesn't.
I think the purpose here is to not predict the future. I wasn't very clear here, so I'll try to clarify. Suppose there are two possible outcomes, A and B. I want A to happen, but I don't really know which will happen. So, I try to imagine what the world would look like if B happened, and I realize that it won't be all that bad. It's okay if what I want to happen doesn't happen. It's okay to want an outcome, I just try to not feel like I need that outcome to be happy. Self-compassion is also very helpful, especially when I make mistakes. As Aristotle said, any virtue taken to excess becomes a vice. So, I don't think total detachment is something I want to shoot for, because it's okay to want things, but I can want them too much. Here, I shoot for the middle way.
I don't think we'll ever prevent all suffering from occurring, and I don't know that it would be a good thing even if we could. But, we can eliminate needless suffering. There is plenty enough suffering in the world that we don't need to add to what is already there. So, after I eliminate needless suffering, I will still need to practice self-compassion to help with the suffering that will always be present. I don't see detachment as an alternative to self-compassion, but rather another tool. There are many tools out there for us to use, and we can pick those that help us, and choose not to use the ones that don't.
Thanks for your reply.
@Probius
I really liked how you explained the difference (pessimism vs detachment) here and also how you practice that in moderation. :)
I do that too. Like, life is ever changing, and I try to mould with it and have a sort of "maybe" attitude towards everything. That way, I am neither too disappointed nor overly happy over things. Just try to sorta let them flow naturally, I guess.
@Probius
Me too, use detachment day to day to keep sanity alive. I find it is a great way to be mindful too. Attachment to people or material things bring on expectations and often when expectations are not met then comes disappointment along woth fustration and so on. Therefore if you can maintain that detachment it helps being more self aware and adopt the attitude that ok, this road is not for me, I'll try another road. Being detached for me has helped to live each day as it comes, not worrying about the past or the future. I leave home in the morning with the thought, this maybe the last time I'll be home, that way when I return in the evening I feel more appreciated that I have a home to return to. Being detached, no expectations of outcome is hard work to maintain but with a little perseverence can be achieved.
@Probius
Tha KS for the reminder. I too need to not be so attached to results.
@ReservedExcitement You're welcome. :) Remember that it takes time to learn to practice detachment, and it's okay to take your time.
I suck at detachment. I practice but am less successful than I wish to be. I will continue to practice though. ☺️
@yzzil That's the key, practice. Just a little improvement each day make a big difference. :)
