I want to go back to how I was
I can't sleep without crying over events that happened in my childhood, even if it was a normal day. When it's time to sleep, my mind starts ruminating over the past, not about a specific event but about many, so I escaped by playing video games until I was extremely exhausted, and I fell asleep despite myself. This pattern continued for several months, which of course affected my energy and appetite. I wasn't like this before, so why now?
@willingPond4694
I think sometimes people have these memories sparked by some event that in some small way can remind us of the past. I think all of us can find ourselves ruminating about past events, people or places.
I tell myself each time i think about something that overthinking and "what if i had done this or that." That moment in time is gone it will not come back. It is like a picture of waves in Ocean no moment will be the same. Can you try to think through it or talk about it with someone In my experience trying to avoid it by doing things like video games etc does not settle the thought but they lurk until we have a moment like trying to go to sleep.
"Thank you for caring and reading about my struggles—I truly appreciate it. 🌼
I understand, but the issue is these thoughts are about events that happened long ago, and I obviously can’t change them now. Dwelling on them brings no benefit—only waves of sadness and anger . Honestly, I was just coping by telling myself, ‘As long as I can sleep eventually, it’s fine." But when it started affecting my appetite (I lost weight, and my family criticize how I look now), I considered seeking solutions. I’ve managed to stop these thoughts in the mornings... but evenings are still hard. I also don’t see the point in talking about these events anymore—I spent 6 months repeating them to AI bots with no relief . They gave me practical solutions: normalizing my feelings, self-compassion, and actionable steps but honestly I haven’t used them. I know this might be weird.
@willingPond4694
I have never tried the bot type thing i have only had no success with often incorrect answers and nonsense from bot type things.
I have discussed with myself out loud. I know that sounds weird but if alone at home or on a walk with no one really around i carry phone so if someone does hear me talking they think i am talking to someone on phone. When i do this i am explaining to a complete stranger with no back story and consider any questions or push back a real person might have.....as i see how some things really are not as big as i think they are. Then I can sort out the small things to deal with.
@willingPond4694 i´m so sorry you are going through this. Not being able to fall asleep must be extremely distressing for you.
Do you have a specific thing that triggered this cycle? Are you by chance in the process of self-improvement, therapy or addressing things from your past? If you are, it can happen that your brain just went oh so you addressing stuff now? While you are at it, do this too. At least that was my case, so it exists as an option
Is there a night time routine you could try to calm down? Maybe having some tea, stretch or go for a walk/cuddle with a pet? How about taking the time during the day to specifically sit down to address these thoughts? Maybe it´s things your brain doesn´t have the space for during the day so it is yeeting it at you when it gets the chance. Could setting a time to journal about it, book a therapy appointment or just sit with the feelings talking to yourself like you would talk to a friend in the same situation be a way for you?
@sadcat13
Thank you for your advice and for reading about my struggles—I truly appreciate it. 🌼
Hmm, I’m not sure what exactly triggered this. Maybe moving to a new country with a culture I’m not used to, combined with attending a university I never wanted
I’ll try setting up an evening routine. I have a morning routine, but it often gets ruined by my late nights.
I considered journaling these thoughts, but it backfired—I just spiraled into negativity. Honestly I wish I could delete these memories completely. They’re useless events with no purpos but of course, that’s impossible.
It started with childhood memories flooding my mind all day, leaving me constantly irritable and in a dark mood 😣. Once, I even got into a physical fight over something trivial because I was so emotionally charged.
The only progress that I’ve managed to stop these thoughts from haunting my mornings.
@willingPond4694
I see you went through a lot of changes. Do you do any things that are just for you to rest and recharge?
trust me, screw the morning routine. Nothing good ever comes from stacking expectations on such a *** part of the day like morning already is. Have a bedtime or come home one instead.
about the journaling, the key is to do a brain dump, then address it all point by point like you are talking to your best friend, at least that´s what worked for me. You validate your feelings and include a what do we do about it now point, and it helps to shift perspective, at least for me.
Do you have any ideas what you could try to feel better for the individual things that contribute to your situation?
No, honestly I'm not doing anything for myself. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing all these things I don't want to do, and at the same time, if I don't do them, I'll just isolate myself more — and that would only make the overthinking worse.
Two days ago, I thought about trying to resist dwelling on those events at night instead of letting them drain me. I'll also try drinking some relaxing herbal teas **and working on getting my appetite back slowly by having at least three small meals a day.
I'll see how it goes after I set up a nighttime routine like you suggested.
Thanks again for caring.🤍
@willingPond4694 sure 😊 make sure to make space for small moments of joy or comfort along the way. It´s crucial. Good luck with your recovery 😊
Oh thank you 🥰🤭 I wish the same to you too! Have a good day 💕🫂