14 Day Goal Challenge (Day 7)
Half Way There... Over the hill, as they say. I hope the ride on the other side isn't scary. This is so weired... I can feel myself scaring myself. Today's obligations are "must-dos" and plentiful, as I start back to work tomorrow. No time to worry about Day #7.
@IsayUncle I hope you have a good day and get everything done that you need to. I missed you yesterday. I guess I'll have to get used to you being busy with your bus route starting.
💙
@Psalm139
Yea that's gonna be a bit of a bummer, gonna miss you too. But hopefully we really don't miss too much as we evolve to a different pattern, that's all. Maybe we should just start a Daily Chit Chat Thread. What do you think of that?
My day was obligated and I'm very tired but have to stay up until my tractor is returned.... About 9pm probably. I got kind of lucky though because I was to make the 4 hour trek with the other guy but he found someone else, which is awesome because I really have to prepare for my bus route tomorrow. Sometimes things have a way of working out.
How was your day today and how are you feeling now? I know we talk a lot about goals but I do wonder how you're feeling at times.
@IsayUncle I'm happy things have been better the past couple of days. I hope your first day back with your kids goes well💙. A thread to just talk would be nice if you want. You don't have to though. I don't want to distract you or anything and I know you will be busy.
Honestly yesterday wasn't very good for me. The past few days I've just really not been that well. I was really wanting to burn myself. It just distracts my mind from the emotional pain and it helps. I didn't though. The scars are hard to hide. I don't think I told you about that stuff before. I don't think people that are bipolar struggle with that stuff as much. I don't do it that much. But sometimes. I don't know. I did get a good amount of cleaning done today.
@Psalm139
No, you hadn't told me before and YOU know how sorry I am to hear that. I think you are right about b/P not suffering that too much but a lot of people with b/p probably suffer from self harm too.. You know what i mean? I'm glad i asked, i felt like it was time to to do an "M" check. And I'm really glad you opened up. I felt like getting less time with your listener and now myself ranging out some; might be stressing you a bit.. Probaly other things too. What's got ya bummed?😟
I've learned something about this site. A thread with lot's of comments usually gets looked at less so it's easier to share more sometimes. So do you think Daily Chit Chat is a good thread title?
@IsayUncle You can name the thread whatever you want and just tag me and I'll talk to you there💙 Yeah I'm sorry. I didn't think you would be happy to know about the self harm and I don't always say anything about all that right away because some people just think it's really bad. I've been doing it since I was sixteen though so it's pretty normal for me but I do try not to do it because it is hard to hide the scars and then people worry.
Yeah I think part of it is my listener has been distant. I don't know if it's intentional. Maybe he's just busy. But he tells me I should go to therapy a lot so I think he just doesn't think he can help anymore. And he said something yesterday that was pretty hurtful even though he said it was a joke. I just never should have let myself get so attached to him.
And you have been busy too. I don't want to cause you any stress because I know you deal with your own stuff a lot but it is nice having someone that understands more what it's like to struggle.
@Psalm139
Now M... We all harm ourselves in the craziest of ways, one way or another. I don't think any less of you. That's one of the reasons we're here for. To help where we can and not judge when we can't help. I don't want you to hurt yourself just like I don't want addicts or alcoholics taking drugs and drinking booze. You must have a lot of phisical scars, since 16? so what; you'll stop when you feel like it.
Until then you must tell me if you think that's a cool thread title. or can you brighten it up some? (ps I'm definetly not making light of your struggle). Just putting something on the plate that's a little easier to control at the moment, even if it doesn't matter much.
@IsayUncle also the listener I'm talking about is someone I've talked to almost daily since mid May. Starting on .y old account. Not the other listener I told you about that I am still getting to know.
@Psalm139
The other day, you said sometimes there is a no reply button. I noticed that too happening also. Just a glitch I think.
I'm sorry your listener said something in a manner to hurt your feelings.
Made me think of my last post and realized I may have sounded cavalier or maybe dismissive.... that is not at all how I feel. I believe we'll have lot's of time to sort through things if we/you want. When I said, "you'll quit when you want to.... OF course you probably want to now, maybe not for some reason! I don't really know but i do hope you don't do it and we get to talk about it sometimes. I should have said, "When and if you want to and learn how to" 💚. I'm being to wordy I think... Sorry.
@IsayUncle Yes that is a good title. Just for us to talk back and forth? Are you going to put it here or somewhere else? It doesn't matter to me. Wherever you think is more private maybe would be good.
And thanks for not lecturing me about the SH. I didn't know what to expect. But I talk on other forums and threads with people so if you read something I don't want you to be shocked or feel like I lied by omission or something. I agree there are lots of ways to hurt yourself besides what I do. It's just less accepted than some ways I guess. But I don't do anything illegal and I'm afraid of alcohol because of my dad and sometimes I will just not eat as a way of self harm but then I get dizzy and it causes problems too because the doctors notice if my weight goes down. I try to do yoga and sleep if I can but sometimes when I'm upset it isn't possible and I need something quick. I'm rationalizing I guess. You aren't mad so I don't need to explain but I feel like I do. It's probably my anxiety. I just feel like I'm too much for people and I don't want you to think that.
@IsayUncle I do sometimes read a little too much into things. Honestly when I read that my heart dropped because I thought you were going to scold me. As in. 'So what? You'll quit when you feel like it". But I kept reading and realized that wasn't how you meant it at all. I know I take things wrong sometimes and I think on messages it is easy for anyone to do that. If I get upset though usually I will get over it when I realize it wasn't meant in the way I took it. I do get insecure a lot though. I don't know how much you know about BPD.
What I know about bipolar is that moods shift from depression to mania and they usually last weeks vs in BPD it's more like hours or days. Are there other elements to it? My dad was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder but my sister thinks it was a misdiagnosis and he was actually bipolar.
I do want you to know that if I am depressed or upset it doesn't have to be all about me. Sometimes it helps to think about someone else, if only for a distraction. And if I can help you in any way that's even better. So please don't minimize your problems or not tell me how you feel just because you see I'm struggling. I go up and down a lot so often part of a day I'm ok and then I can get bad really fast and then wake up normal.
Are you feeling ok about tomorrow? What is your schedule like?💙
@Psalm139
We're Good M. Got through that hard chat nicely I think. 
No, I'm not ready for it BUT .... not worried about it either. It's back to the morning & afternnoon runs with chores an jobs inbetween but always have plenty of time to say hey back and forth... Yea?
@IsayUncle
Yes, it will be ok. We will find time to talk and check in. I'm glad you aren't worried about starting back with your driving. I imagine that might be a good thing for you, adding structure to your day.
It's getting later there though so I'm sure you are ready to relax so I'll say goodnight. Please tag me when you make our new thread so I don't miss it. Thanks for being so patient about everything. I know you have a lot going on.
💙
@Psalm139
good night M. It's 9:00 here, what time is it there? I'm very tired. My tractor hasn't showed up yet and I know they tried to call but we couldn't hear each other. I hope they're not lost on these rural back roads with no phone signals.
@IsayUncle. Do you have to stay up and wait for them? I hope they aren't lost too. Can you call them? It is 8:18 here. I live in Iowa so it's Central Time. I know that's not a huge difference but I e noticed you go to bed and get up earlier too. Which is fine of course. I need to work on that. I hope you are able to get enough sleep 💙
@Psalm139
YAY, tractor delivered. Sweet Dreams Kiddo. that was a nice evening of chatting. Thanks.
@IsayUncle Oh I'm glad. Goodnight 💙
