Is this OCD?
I've been researching OCD and it seems really.... relatable. Under a LOT of circumstances (money, time, no doctors in the area...) I don't know if I will ever get an official diagnosis so... if this sounds like OCD let me know? If it sounds really severe, or if I should get help, I'll try to bring it up the next time I go (which is never). Likewise if it isn't OCD, let me know what else this could be?
I've been describing myself as a germaphobe for years but I think it's OCD. I don't like touching anything and I Germ-X immediately afterwards if I do. Sometimes twice. If i don't I stress out. I prefer Germ-X over handwashing since using sinks is unreliable imo (especially public sinks). Germ-X is problematic however... I use it so much my hands start to hurt. :/ I hate being NEAR anything dirty too. Like a dirty table at a restaurant or a spill. In middle school I always had to sit at messy tables and it would stress me out until I cried (this was ~8 years ago maybe?). I'm deathly afraid of getting sick too. Whenever something goes around, I sanitize my hands even more than usual and hate doing anything. I get real panicky when something big goes around (ebola, swine flu).
I've seen other things that say people with OCD try to like... regulate autonomous functions by themselves..? I don't know if I explained that right but for example: Sometimes I feel like I don't breathe enough, or that my heart is moving too fast or too slow, so I try to pace myself even though it's unnecessary. Another example is sometimes I think I forget to blink, so I pour all my attention to making sure I blink. It's really distracting and I can spend over an hour making sure I'm breathing and blinking up to my expectations.
I have a lot of other things I do but I don't remember all of them. I'm really paranoid about a lot of delusions that would be considered "obsessions" (people potentially kidnapping or poisoning me) but I don't act or do anything about them
Onto the questions:
But such a common thing (even stereotype, really) about people with OCD is that they're neat freaks. Is that ALWAYS true? Am I disqualified if I'm not? Like I said, being near anything stresses me out and I break down whenever I clean anything. I'd rather burn everything than sweep up crumbs, honest. I don't care about my surroundings, but rather safety of myself.
With that in mind, what's working with such an intense fear like? (I haven't had a job before...) The only work out here is fast food. They probably want me to clean bathrooms. I can't do that! I'm probably never gonna find a job that wants me, right?
@pinkDrum9405 Hello, sorry if this is a late reply, but hope my answer helps somehow.
Seems your fears are interfering a lot with your life, to the point of causing you anxiety and even getting in your day-to-day life or getting a job, like you later mentioned. OCD isn't only about the compulsions, or else anyone who is organized would have OCD and it isn't the case. Pretty much it means "obsessions and compulsions" and both play a part. Obsessions are high-intensity fears or intrusive thoughts (thoughts that are really hard to ignore or "remove"), and the compulsions are what you do to manage those obsessions, in a way. Your fear of germs causes you anxiety and to manage that, you clean. Cause and effect, in a way. If it is OCD or not - I can't say, because only a doctor could diagnose. But labels aside, you're struggling and that's what matters.
About the questions you mentioned: OCD is not "neat-freak". That's a misconception that can make OCD itself sound like an adjective - and it's not. People can have OCD and be disorganized, keep their room messy even. It just means that their obsessions/compulsions are different. Not everyone goes through the same obsessions and compulsions, it's normal.
About working with an intense fear, depends from person to person. Seeing a doctor would be appropriate, or even a therapist since obsessions can come from fears you have, and talking through those can help. But you can manage the anxiety, yes, with the right tools and help/support.
You mentioned some delusions you experience, what you said as being paranoid and that's something that can come from your anxiety or some fears. They sound like "intrusive thoughts" which can be classified as obsessions. Either way, what matters most is how it makes you feel and how it affects your life. Diagnosis are just names, and while can be an "answer", it's not what makes your suffering "real" 