What it feels for you to live with your OCD?

@RaCat I don't have extreme OCD but I do display signs here and there.. And when it doesn't happen according to me, I just become soo angry and mean and I lash out.. And at times I'm even close to tears.. Because I feel like the order I wanted everything in has been compromised..

@RaCat

It's bad because I always have to repeat words to myself. With my OCD, it's not as much repetitive action as it is repetitive thought, and the fear that if I think something 'bad', then I have to replace it with thinking something 'good'. This happens over and over again. It makes it very hard to concentrate and think straight. Makes it hard to communicate becuase of this irrational fear that something bad will happen.

I adore his videos and poems. Powerful insightful stuff. I actually just posted this to another thread but would like to copy it here as well:

"My OCD undulates and on some days you wouldn't even think I had it, but on others it's a continual hinderance. Most people's OCD's (from my experience) can be viewed in physical actions or tics, like an aversion to germs or flipping a light switch a specific number of times. Mine is mostly in my head and while I obssess on some things, others don't bother me at all.

My jobs requires a lot of math and using a 9-key calculator. I have to check and recheck my numbers and say them, sometimes outloud, because I worry that the 7 I punched may not be the 7 I am saying. Some days I get so stuck in repeating I have to take a break. On the really bad days I am unable to recognize that the total on the screen matches what is on my paper.

I will turn around and check locks, stove knobs, fridge doors, faucets, laundry vents, ashtrays for still possibly lit smokes. If it could lead to a breakin, flood or fire I will check it - a lot. Not because I need to check it a certain number of times but because I honestly don't remember locking that door 45 seconds ago, and instead of reassuring me my brains goes "Are you sure?".

I will touch things to move them 'just so' when I am feeling anxious, it soothes me.

I have a routine when I get home and on the weekends of cleaning in a certain order in a certain way and if I am interrupted, even by a surprise date night, it irritates me - leaves me feeling incomplete and at unease to not be able to do them. I am working on that.

I play with tape constantly while at work. It used to be cuticle picking or lip picking but after a bunch of really nasty infections and loosing a few nails I found that rolling a piece of tape between my thumb and forefinger helps a lot with that nervous energy. I usually have a piece stuck to my pants just in case.

I respond with angry panic when my things are moved, even when it is a good idea or is just for cleaning. I want to be the one to touch them, to reposition them. I can immediately notice when something has shifted position.

On the flip side, germs don't bother me and I generally don't feel the urge to repeat myself or repeat an action a certain number of times.

However, at any given point in time I have at least 3 todo lists in various places and at least one digital copy on my phone. Everything from Shower to Get Groceries to Take Out Trash. I don't need them to remember everything but I worry I will forget important things if I don't write it down - and I have.

I hope this helps for some insight."

I have constant intrusive thoughts. Paired with tinnitus I never have a moment of peace. Everything has to be an even number. I can't handle when things (cords for example) hang off the tv unit. Everything has to be flush with the edge.

Im also a skin picker. I have to pick at all my current wounds multiple times daily. I follow this with a self cleaning ritual.