my partner has ocd

You're such a caring and supportive partner, trying to be there with them as they tackle their challenges. A lot of times people just need our patience and understanding, and for them to feel comfortable with us, about anything they need us for, I feel. ❤ Don't forget to take care of yourself as well. @modestSpring1974

@modestSpring1974 Hi Spring, I can relate to it being tough on a partner of someone who has severe OCD. It was very hard on my husband when I was going through treatment.

I think the biggest thing my partner had to learn was giving support without reassurance for OCD. It is counter intuitive because we are use to reassuring people when they are upset. Unfortunately, since OCD is a "doubting disorder" the reassurance will actually fuel the cycle.

What people with OCD can do is something called "reassurance seeking" and here are some good articles that describe it in detail:

https://www.treatmyocd.com/blog/reassurance-seeking-ocd-anxiety-how-to-stop-cycle

https://impulsetherapy.com/reassurance-in-ocd-an-enemy-not-an-ally/

There is also the fine balance of understanding what is reassurance seeking vs information seeking. So it is okay to ask your partner what is their intent. Just keep an honest and open line of communication with them about it because you don't want to breed resentment.

What support without reassurance looked like for me was having my husband not get upset/freak out if I started crying because I ate something that I thought would hurt me. He could hug me and be there for me, but not to tell me "it will be okay, it won't hurt you" because I had to accept the uncertainty that "it might hurt me" in order break the cycle. To understand that when I was battling intrusive thoughts and that I wouldn't act like how I normally would. To not feed into compulsions if I asked him to wash his hands an unreasonable amount of times. He would simply just have to say "no, I am not going to do that, I am sorry."

Of course, ask your partner what they need! But hopefully that gives some idea of what it might look like.

Also just so you know, there are out-patient Anxiety/OCD centers. Some of them offer free support group for OCD (even if you are not a patient there) and for partners/family as well. Not all centers offer that, but might be worth checking out. For us, it was remote video calls so we could do them at home (in case you both need more IRL support). I found the resources there to be helpful in addition to seeing a private therapist outside the center.

I am not an expert, so I can only speak from my experience and offer support as a listener.

Next week we have an OCD support chat 12/21 12:10pm-1pm ET if you would like to join (located in the Support Session pop up room).

We are here for you!

@modestSpring1974 Sorry! December 14th Wednesday 12:10pm ET - OCD hosted by ShneurZ

@modestSpring1974 I can tell that you really want to support your partner, this is a great first step- being open minded to learn!!