💗 A kidoo to 4 oldiee's hehe 😆😆
🌸 @AiluraphileLove8tears9 to @RunningMachine 🌸 @Amanda 🌸 @SlappyMcGee 🌸 @LadyInSilence 🌸
💝 : Please don’t upvote, react, or read if you’re not mentioned ( tagged ) here in this penpal. We truly appreciate your understanding 😊.
So what’s this about you partially disappearing, @RunningMachine ?
@RunningMachine
I have been feeling the same. I thought it was normal since we have minimal social interaction in real life. I think its ok to feel this way. We crave to responses but its the responses to our posts or from those we feel connected to. It is similar to real life interactions when being among a support group where we see our progress, issues and sense of deep compassion.
Please don’t feel you have upset anyone. A person as empathetic as yourself can in no way hurt or upset anyone here. You’re kind and caring. Please believe that 🥰
@LadyInSilence
I'm so sry to hear this Lady:( Sending lots of love n embrace ur way ❤️. Hug you closer to my heart' ❤️ you're not alone, atleast not here 😕❤️.
🐈🐾
@LadyInSilence
Unfortunately with ADHD it swings both ways, lack of responses can cause feeling hurt and rejected aswell. Embarrassingly I didn't handle that well at all 😕
@Jesusredeemedme
Kiara, please could you remove me from your taglist for the time being.
Absolutely! No worries <3 Let me know if and when you’d like to be added back again <3
You taking care of yourself is so brave and amazing! We’ll be here for you no matter what <3 *hugs* <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Thank you for understanding.
You’re welcome <3
I can't apologise enough for my recent struggles with emotional control and why I'm stepping back, it becomes embarrassing at times and reflecting back is why I've always been socially awkward and isolated my self from anything more than casual contacts.
I'm hoping DBT techniques might help.
@RunningMachine
Please don’t apologize at all or else I might apologize for only breathing 😄
Take all the time you need. Come back as much as you want. May the therapy works and you feel better my friend.
You’re safe here… Please don’t apologize for having emotions. Emotions are raw and messy and confusing and also amazing, and we’re here for it. We’re here for you for the long run, emotions and struggles and all. Please don’t be afraid to be yourself with us. Rambling and confusion and working things out verbally and everything else, are gladly embraced and welcomed here <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Thank you, just feeling exposed and vulnerable from oversharing, at my age I should of known better.
You can share as much as you want here <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
That's not how it currently feels, I opened up trying to help others and just feel dejected, rejected and hurt.
I’m sorry :(
@jesusredeemedme2425
You've got nothing personally to be sorry for, thank you for your support.
You’re welcome <3
@RunningMachine
Do you wish to talk about it? What made you feel this way? you had expectations from others reciprocating back and they didn’t? Did anyone use anything you shared against you or mocked your feelings? Please get it off your chest. It might help you understand.
@LadyInSilence
I'm off to work shortly, I'll think it over the next few days, might just become a silent member and look for a therapist.
It's a tough lesson and it honestly hurts, it was essentially why I isolated myself for best part of 10 years, therapy apparently isn't all that successful in helping people ADHD cope, but even I pay £1200 Stirling for a private assessment rather than wait for NHS one, they can't medicate me for it due to being on blood thinners for Thrombosism. The medications work by slowing down blood flow which is clearly dangerous in my case.
Just enjoyed a cheeky McD's after my last night shift, it's a night but nice habit 🤪🤪
I'm feeling more settled, still frustrated but going to try and let it go, it hurts feeling that I could of made a difference, I only asked for a bit of courtesy and consideration.
Still going modulate my Cups time, health last few weeks but been good, 3 weeks of GI issues (understand now Kiara 🤪🤪) and an ankle strain that most like caused a small clot (not the first time) has hampered the last four weeks. Past two days managed pain free 5km runs and no pain afterwards, so hopefully back to normal in 4-5 hrs, 10km here I come 😁😁
I can be a little off kilter when I'm not getting my endorphin hit, after close to 50 years of it I get withdrawal symptoms 😁😁
Oh, then you REALLY need that toilet paper subscription ;)
How long is a kilometer lollll
@jesusredeemedme2425
A Km of Andrew toilet paper, hope I Can find a GiF to explain, Amanda will get the reference 😁😁
Oh I used to do that when I was little XD
@jesusredeemedme2425
Bingo, home to sleep 🥱 🥱
What is sleep????
@jesusredeemedme2425
For me if I'm lucky about 3.5 hrs !!
You get THAT much???? ;) hehe
Ailura is lurking but not posting hehe. I see you girl! I love you <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Lol i just randomly enter the penpal... my hands moving on it own. 😂 n heyy 😊 Thank youu... I love youu tooo 😊💞
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
If it helps, I'm sorry for I said, it was out of frustration and you are still special.
@RunningMachine
No, no... it's fine, i completely understand that :) it's just me dealing with something lately. I'll be fine soon... Thank you btw 🌸
🐈🐾
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
The hol scan I had 4 years ago that triggered a lot of my issues shows a vein that is 60% blocked. They has have suggested an operation to chip away the ankylosis that is causing the restriction and most likely the cause of the clot. It will literally be fractions away from my spinal cord, the consultant explained the chances are only 50/50 of it actually helping and the odds of damage to my spinal cord, paralysis and having leg amputated are 80%. I don't fancy then odds unless I'm literally at the point I can barely move or walk at all.
When I spoke to you about how I felt in my twenties, and I don't tell just anyone about it, I've done my best to just fight for survival every single day since and make the most of every day, ten clots and the hip scan have changed me. I was only hoping to keep inspiring you, you are absolutely worth it. I was hurt and what I said was petulant and stupid, I do apologise.
@RunningMachine ❤️ Ty for sharing that with me, I know it isn’t easy to open up about such personal struggles. It sounds like you’ve been through a lot with your health, and I really respect the strength it must take to keep fighting n making the most of each day.
I understand that things were said in a moment of hurt. Please don’t be too hard on yourself for that. I’m glad you shared honestly. 🌷
I truly hope things get easier for you :) n that u continue finding strength through everything you’re facing. Tc of yourself. 😊🌸
🐈🐾
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Thank you.
@RunningMachine
its good to see you active again. Welcome back 😍
@LadyInSilence
Night shifts are over, I'm still going to be more mindfull, been out playing pool earlier. Tomorrow the push on my health starts and reading a book rather than scrolling so much looking for interactions.
Thank you for all your support it is appreciated.
Curious minds want to know what you’ll be reading <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
The City and It's Uncertain Walls by Haruki Muralami, amazing author the as long as my eyes aren't too tired I might make a start or even finish Strange Buildings by Uketsu. A fiction break, after a few consecutive non-fiction, a Japanese theme.
@jesusredeemedme2425
Damm, I hit back option instead of down to hide keyboard, I typed a lengthy explanation of my love of Murakami's novels, I'm not typing all that again....
@RunningMachine
😄😄😄
The day times been better, but I'm struggling again tonight. I slept pretty solidly on my first night off last night but am struggling tonight, more than tired enough to sleep but just not having it. It's quite often the way on my nights off. Doubt I'll get any sleep until gone 4 am my time, closer to the time I sleep after night shifts.
I've tried my mindfulness, got up and read for a bit and I'm still not sleeping. The urge to look for communication on Cups is overpowering which just makes me feel more alone. I'll see how the next couple of days and nights go and maybe try a complete break for the remainder of my night shifts.
Break time.
From 7Cups?
@jesusredeemedme2425
It's mid night for him, maybe he's talking abt sleep ❤️
@jesusredeemedme2425
Thank you for your support but yes from Cups, I'm going to be quite and work with a therapist to find myself again.
I'm trying to learn a painful lesson, just going to very careful on who I respond to.
That’s awesome! We’ll be here for you when you come back <3
My response explains partly why I close to calling it a day.
https://www.7cups.com/forum/gratitude/SelfExplorationSelfLove_178/Day8ReBuildingSelfTrust_377266/
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
@Amanda84
Aww 😊 peaceful night 💟
How long u sleep in a day 😮 ??
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Six hours usually 🥰
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
@Amanda84
It's night in here 😴 so...
🐈🐾
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
@Amanda84
😊❤️
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Ha, we are in alternate universes 😂😂😂😂
@Amanda84
Lol, n we using this penpal to wish good day/night 😂✨
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Ha, why not 😂😂
You make me smile 🥰
@Amanda84
Yayy...!! that's the best word of day for me ❤️. My soul dancing 😂 thank youu 😊.
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
I am glad, the world needs more laughter, less seriousness 💚
@Amanda84
Yeahhh 😊 I want to party party all the time 😁❤️
Lol, this gif is from an amazing movie 😍💓... good to re-watch it agn 🤧.
I'm going to visit my paternal grandparents today 😊 it's been year's since we met. I'm also nervous 😅 but happy 😁 Yayy..!! ❤️
🤗❤️
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Exciting, they will love you I'm sure. I look forward to hearing how you get on.
@Amanda84
My grandma is soo lovely 😊, she's too kind for this world.. just like me 😂😅. She stay with her daughter. I'm just nervous to meet my aunt n cousin's 😅. i should look goodd... 😁💗
Got to do my hair 😂💕 
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
You will be just beautiful 🥰
@Amanda84
Beauty queen 😂
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
Absolutely 👑👑👑
@Amanda84
Yayy.. I'm so happy, my grandma... she looked so beautiful 😭🤧 I got to lay on her lap, and she gently patted my head 😭 no one has done that for me in so long. And the hug… that’s what really stayed with me 😭❤️…!! It was such a great day, I cherished every single moment. The food for iftar was amazing 😋 my paternal family seriously has the best sense of humor 😅 it felt so good talking and laughing with all of them 💗🤗
I got back home late last night, completely drained… I just went straight to bed the moment I arrived 😴
How's the festival went for u 😮🤗
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵🩵
I needed your presence tonight 🩵
@Amanda84
Awwieee 🤧 i just get to see this post 😭
@Amanda84
Is this posted before our chat from yesterday 😅 just want to know... I'm confused 🤔
@Ailuraphilelove8tear9
No after 🩷🤗
@Amanda84
Urgh Seems like i missed it 🙃