Chat Between @jesusredeemedme2425 and @cyanessence
I had a really hard night last night…
@jesusredeemedme2425
Do you want to share what's on your mind? Or would you like to talk about something lighter?
I was up multiple times helping Mom. Didn’t sleep much…
@jesusredeemedme2425
I pray you can get proper rest at some point. I'm sure you don't mind helping, but it takes a certain toll. I just feel for you both.
Stay Alive by Jose Gonzalez came on, made me think of you. Stay strong friend.
I am very, VERY broken, and trying to pretend that I’m not.
@jesusredeemedme2425
I'm doing the same honestly. In a way I feel I've lost it again, it's just different this time. So I just go with the flow.
What's making you feel so broken if you don't mind me asking? Is it all that's happened recently?
Lost what?
Everything… Mental illness, trauma, fear of men after a man abused me two years ago, feeling alone, everything.
I see your chat with creamyyy is going well ;)
@jesusredeemedme2425
I'm excited. I know almost nothing about them. But they are enlightening me already, talking about the differences between guilt and shame.
Yay! Now make one with Torean hehe
@jesusredeemedme2425
Good idea ^^ I'll get onto that now.
Look up aurastorm’s poems too. They’re deep and hard to read as well…
@jesusredeemedme2425
That's actually the kind of thing I was leaning towards, helping people in need with the basics like food. Good on you for your noble service!
My best friend is also self-taught. You both baffle me haha. Hey that reminds me, I remember drawing a picture of Jesus when I was in high school. I was an atheist then I believe. I'm not sure why I drew it... it was one of my favourites.
Do you ever post pictures here?
I love steam punk! Especially cool that you create steam punk animals ^^ stylised animal drawings are also very cool. I like your style.
I don't tend to seek country music, but I mindfully listened anyway. It's just... the right attitude to life I feel. I vibe with the line "his greatest contribution is the ones you leave behind." I may never have children... I don't particularly want to pass on these broken genes and leave someone stranded in a world on fire. But I do want to make a contribution to leave behind, even if that's just living a good and honest life. "Raised on the ways and gentle kindness." Words to live by.
I like the hope that faith offers. I just can't imagine nothingness, like there's nothing after. It actually seems to be illogical. I've also heard too many stories now of people dying and meeting Jesus, coming back and telling their story. Those people are convicted, I see no reason why they would lie.
Watermelon tourmaline is super pretty! You should check out black opal ^^
Sometimes I feel I've lost my mind again. Things feel like a dream and too real simultaneously. But I'm happy and clear.
Those are big feelings Ki, I would feel broken too. I feel those things. I was abused by my mother, which broke my trust in everyone, including men. But I have trouble trusting men more, they just seem explosive. And I too feel entirely alone, in many ways. It's good to be alone together, it's at least a way to ease the suffering.
I will check out aurastorm!
Yeah… Look where it got me.
Do you want to draw?
I think it meant something, you drawing Him…
I would, except it’s not safe :(
Thank you! I also like geometric animal drawings. I did two of those today, a dog and a rhino :)
I’m giving you songs as I randomly think of them. The radio in my head, as it were lol! Is that ok? :)
Maybe one of your greatest contributions is the people whose lives you’re changing right now <3
What’s stopping you from believing in Jesus?
Yooo those are so pretty! <3
Have you looked into BPD?
Men have hurt me, but women are more backstabby, so I trust men more.
Why do you feel alone?
Aurastorm is an AMAZING writer <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
I do want to draw. I just have so little confidence in that area. I do like origami though, scratches the itch to create. I like pieces that do things, or modular things.
I'm glad you create! Rhinos are especially cool, feel like they're from a different era.
That's exactly what I'm after, your internal radio! I don't really care the genre. I will happily listen to country if it means something to you. The lyrics mean something to me.
If I could make just one person a little happier, I would be thrilled. That is a legacy worth striving for.
I think I do believe in Jesus, it's just new to me so I'm still adapting. Old thoughts are like old habits, hard to break sometimes.
BPD is a pretty apt description of me, except I don't have anger problems. I learned pretty quickly I don't like anger. I've seen too much of it and so just don't go there. Funnily enough the type of therapy I was looking into, DBT, is good for managing it.
I feel alone because I don't think there are words to fully describe what I'm going through. Like, I relate to a lot of people, but at the same time I feel people can't relate to me, not fully. I think it may be a curse we all carry as everyone is truly unique.
I have a book that I want you to seriously consider buying. It’s older, but it works. I tried SOOOO many drawing books over the years and they’re all either cartoons or for experienced artists. Look up “Mark Kistler’s Draw Squad”. Half Price Books is a good place to order from :)
Origami is fun :)
Modular?
They’re awesome :)
Ok, now listen to Cheerleader by Omi :)
I will give you the most random songs my brain spits out XD
I think you made Creamyyy happy by showing them you respect and honor them, and you wish to get to know them better :) That would make anyone smile! <3
I think Jesus is knocking. <3
What’s DBT again?
Like no one can understand what it’s like living with multiple mental illnesses, chronic health issues, bullies, and everything else I endure… I feel like I’m negative too much.
@jesusredeemedme2425
I'm highly interested in that book. I would love to draw again, even if it's not complex stuff.
You can think of modular origami as like paper Lego. You make the same piece that fits into itself over and over again and can make some truly beautiful things. From simplicity complexity arises. I'd love to make a swan.
Good song! I like the remix but I added both to my list. Both have purposes. Embrace the random xD I really appreciate you sharing. If you're ever after new music I'm happy to throw suggestions too.
I learned from you! It's a special feeling when someone takes an interest in you. I am genuinely interested in the inner workings of Creamyyy. And others, but I feel low on time as is!
I can't ignore the knock. It's where my intuition leads me.
DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy) teaches skills for emotional regulation, distress tolerance, mindfulness, and interpersonal effectiveness. Sounds like what I need!
I don't know if anyone human will ever be able to fully understand you, but I do relate. It's not much I know, but your story makes me cry. And I don't even know the half of it, not even a quarter, not even a sliver. That's why I'm glad you have God and Jesus, they would truly understand.
If the feels hit, try to express. That's my main takeaway from my experience. Share the pain.
You good?
@jesusredeemedme2425
Yeah I'm all good! I see there's a comment of yours that got lost in the ether. It bothers me when I don't get notified, especially of your comments. I care a lot about our conversations, I don't want you to feel I'm ignoring you! I eagerly await the opportunity to chat! I'll reply now.
Did you subscribe to the thread?
There’s actually a bunch of posts you missed lol
Me too! I think I value our chat more than most. You make me think. :D
@jesusredeemedme2425
I am subscribed! I did notice at one point there were things I was missing. I might just check back here occasionally to make sure it doesn't happen.
You make me think too.
7Cups is very strange sometimes. All the bugs haven’t been gotten out yet.
That was very poor grammar on my part XD
@jesusredeemedme2425
I've seen comments straight up disappear. I submitted a report.
Actually that may just be because someone flagged it. Were they inappropriate? Crisis posts? Etc.
@jesusredeemedme2425
One was to do with astrology, and it disappeared almost instantly. Could have been flagged inappropriate quickly? Not sure.
The other was a bit of a mysterious post, just a picture of a dark forest with an ambiguous title. Just gone. Maybe not enough meaningful content?
Maybe, but you can also get your own posts removed by flagging them. I’ve done so. Perhaps the writers had a change of heart?
@jesusredeemedme2425
Could very well be it! I know I almost did with a poem.
I have a BRAND NEW KIND OF CHALLENGE for you <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Okay! I'm curious now. What have you got for me?
Do you watch movies?
@jesusredeemedme2425
Not all the time, but I love watching what feels meaningful. Inception, Interstellar, The Labrynth, Milo & Otis (bless their souls, can't watch anymore), and I want to watch Everything, Everywhere, All At Once.
But I will watch what you suggest because you provide meaning to my life.
Why can’t you watch it?
I just found a movie free, one I grew up with, that I want you to watch <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
There was animal abuse during production. I was just a kid, didn't know at the time, never crossed my mind. I think about them from time to time.
I'm game. What've you got for me?
Awww
Remind me tomorrow! Night! This is your cliffhanger hehe
@jesusredeemedme2425
You make me laugh! You're so unexpected lol. I will eagerly await, and continue to wonder.
Thanks for bringing a healthy dose of mystery to my life!
You want unexpected??
ITS PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!!!!
;)
@jesusredeemedme2425
You got me again. I feel like a dork laughing in front of my screen!
I wish I were as funny as you but my humour is absurd, I'm not sure what you would even like!
I like the humor of a 5 year old lol… I make a lot of fart jokes lol
@jesusredeemedme2425
That made me smile :P something so innocent about that kind of humour.
I had a mixed day. It was both great and terrible. Now I'm awake in the middle of the night, but happy there's 7 Cups to keep me occupied until sleep finds me again.
I’m a child, what can I say lol
When does your day begin? It’s daytime here lol
What happened?
@jesusredeemedme2425
In many ways I still feel like a child. Especially with my awe at the beauty of the world. Everything feels new and interesting.
I aim to start days at around 6:30 am, but my sleep has been all over the place! Some nights I can't sleep, sometimes I seem to crash and sleep in.
I made good progress on my essay today. But found out yet another friend passed! It hit hard but quick, like ripping a bandaid off. She would not want people to wallow in sadness lol, she was a fighter, a justice seeker, a rebel. Not one to dwell.
That’s soooo good :)
Same, I don’t sleep well.
I’m so sorry… That must be so painful. :(
Everything seems to being caving in, in my world…
@jesusredeemedme2425
I'm sorry. I don't know why it's so stormy for you. I wish you could have a break from it all, that I could give you some of my time. I have too much.
Are there people you can lean on in person?
I'm also happy to listen, talk about other things, or just sit in silence.
I got a break today, my friend took me to run some errands :)
Too much?
Yes, but I barely see them…
Silence is too quiet.
Sorry for being so negative lately…
@jesusredeemedme2425
Good to hear you got *some* relief.
Yes, too much time. No job, minimal responsibility, just space to think. It's nice, but I can't help but compare myself to busier people. Like yourself! You do a lot, I'd like to contribute more.
It's okay to be negative sometimes. I'm happy to listen to all of you, not just parts. You are a whole human, every part of you matters, every part has a reason. There is no shame in being.
I just wanted to give you a heads up (I’m sending this to all my active penpal chats):
I’ve been on 7Cups a lot lately and typing is bothering my carpal tunnel. I’ve also been reaching burnout, and haven’t been accomplishing things I want to do lol!
So I may be slow in responding, while giving my hand and my mind a bit of a rest. Please be patient with my slower responses! <3
ALSO… If I ever take longer than maybe 5 days to respond, the notification may have disappeared. Just send me a reminder post to send me a new notification, to remind me to respond :)
Thanks for understanding! <3
@jesusredeemedme2425
Noted! Take care of yourself Ki. I will reach out if I feel it's been too long.
@cyanessence
Thank you <3
My hand hurts :( And it's all my doing.
@jesusredeemedme2425
Your carpal tunnel isn't your fault.
And you were only trying to connect with people, help, make a difference. It's just time to take care of yourself for a bit. What you've done is really noble and selfless. You recognised it was causing you pain though and made a choice to take some time.
Everyone will miss you, but will understand it's for the greater good. They will eagerly await your return, for you are a bright star. Day and night, waking and rest. It's time to sleep for a bit before a new dawn comes.
Disappearing sounds sad :(
It’s making me sad just thinking about it.
