A space for @Cottonn and Berry
Heyyy! @Cottonn I'm creating this thread so we can talk. Thank you so much for your support, and please remember, I'm here too if you need me. 😊
@exuberantBlackberry9105
I'm here for support and to support
@Gwen21 Hey! Thank you for your offer. We sure can talk if you want. Maybe not on this thread though, but we can certainly create a special place to talk if you'd like. 😃
@Cottonn Hey, sorry for my delayed response. How are you doing?
That makes sense, but I don't think the nights are cold as yet. They're just cooler than they were during those two rainless hot weeks a few weeks ago. I like to think of it as autumn till mid-November in my country. 😃
I agree with you on that, parents do treat kids based on what they think of this generation. Living in such a situation is hard, and it does make me want to give up. I'll either get something or learn something as long as I'm trying? But what if I don't want anything?
I like that quote, it makes a lot of sense. My mother grew up in an abusive home, and was abused both physically and emotionally. Here I am growing up with emotional abuse. I'm incredibly grateful to have been spared from physical abuse, but emotional abuse is hard too. My grandmother's pain was transmitted to my mother, and my mother's pain is being transmitted to me. There is no way I'm passing that on to the next generation. Even if that means never handling children, or even never living till I'm old enough to handle children, I simply can't ever get my pain out on children. I know how hard dealing with domestic abuse is, and I can't have my children (if I ever have any) go through that. Yep, I'm 13, and I've decided on that from right now.
By the way, just thought I'd tell you, when you don't see a reply button on one of my posts, it's totally okie to go ahead and create a new post (and tag me there) to reply to it. This thread is all ours, so we are free to create a new post every time we don't see a reply button! Of course, you can find the previous reply button and reply to that, but it's not necessary since this thread is just for us two. 😊
@Cottonn Oh, hey there buddy!
It's so nice to hear from you! I understand about the internet problems. Internet problems absolutely suck. But anyway, I'm happy to hear that you're fine. Have you been able to get your internet all fixed?
Sure thing, take your time to reply to my last message. I realise it's a very very very long message, and I'm sorry about that. Please take your time and don't put yourself under too much pressure. 🤍🤍🤍
Well, thanks for asking. I'm very sorry to have to say this, but nothing is getting better, and I am not handling anything well. The best way that I can think of to answer "how is everything" is "in a mess". I'm so worried about so much, I'm not able to focus on doing my homework, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what's wrong with me. I just don't know what's going on and I don't know what else to say.
@Cottonn Heyyy Cottnie! I am really sorry for my late response. I've not been wanting to talk about how i am feeling because somehow i am too ashamed to talk. And i didn't feel like replying to you because how I'm feeling is what we're talking about. I'm starting to realise that by not responding to you, i am just pushing away a source of love and support. Also, it's not fair if i dont reply, beacuse you are spending so much of your time and energy to help and support me. So i finally decided to respond to you and share how I'm feeling, even though i am embarrassed talking about that. I am sorry for what I've done and i hope you'll forgive me. Please dont take this personally, Cottnie. 🫂
I'm very happy to hear that you're doing great. Sadly though, i here am feeling totally opposite, this week had been really hard for me. I'm glad your brownies turned out well on your first try. Well done, I'm proud of you Cottnieee!
I totally agree, making friends is not at all easy. Forget about true friends in real life. I've never had one and maybe i never will have one in school. I think it's my fault i dont have any friends, even "so-called friends". Maybe it's because I'm too rude and unfriendly. We have a such a story in our Hindi textbook which shows a person who used to have lunch at work sitting all alone. Then someone came and told him that he needed to change his attitude and build relationships, not money in life. And then he became more friendly and his life turned around. I really hated the way the teacher taught that story and i kinda hate that story too because i feel like the whole class who sees me eat alone in school will think that i dont have any friends because i am too rude. I barely managed to hold my tears back in that class. But then, i also think that maybe i am too rude so no one wants to be "friends" with me.
About my father, i dont know if there's anything i can do. Maybe i could try to hug him or something. But that would be very strange beause i haven't hugged him in months. Also, my mother doesnt like seeing me with my father, so i really dont want to risk it. So i dont think there's anything i can do about him. Regardless though, i am very happy that my father saw a psychologist this Thursday, and the doctor says that he might have bipolar disorder, though he is not officially diagnosed yet. I've had suspicions about that for a long time, and i might have been right about that. Keyword: might.
You know, about looking for apartments, yesterday my parents visited one and they took me along. The parking was terrible and was extremely difficult for my father to park there. Both my mother and i had got off the car while he was trying to park. And he was having such a hard time. He thought be was going in front, but the car was on reverse and he was pressing the car against an iron gate. It hurt me so bad to see the car getting damaged like this, because it is over 14 years old and hardly has any visible damages and yesterday had to be the day i had to witness it pressing against an iron gate. It was painful. But i dont think it was suppsed to be that way. The car was getting damaged, nothing was happening to me. But I was shouting "Aaahhh" as if i was getting hurt. Fear and anxiety hit real hard, my mind was racing and my heart was beating so loudly. I even imagined somehow putting myself before the gate to stop the car from getting damaged. That would have been an absolute crazy thing to do and i am thankful i could stop myself. Or I'd be in the hospital today. Seeing the car get damaged was a terrible experience though, and i cant really process it. I mean, its just a car, not a person, plus it's my father's car, not mine. Why do i care about it so much? What the heck is wrong with me?
By the way, after that difficult experience, we saw the appartment and it want suitable for us because it was too small and cramped and still expensive at 35,000 rupee rent. We're going to see another apartment tomorrow. My father already saw it today and my mother and i will see it tomorrow. He says it's bigger than yesterday's apartment but 40,000 rupee rent. That is too expensive! I dont know if we can even afford that. Our current appartement rent is 28,000 rupees.
Well the problem with schoolwork is that we don't have deadlines for hw. We just have deadlines for projects and activities. But anyway, even if i try to get hw done and successfully put away youtube, i get reminded of something i need to do on 7 cups. So i will usually do that first and then do my hw.
As for my skin, i mostly have some acne, hyperpigmentantion and very oily skin. And my mother wont allow me to use anything much for that. Yes, to some extent, it does sadly affect how i see myself. I feel ugly. I could talk more about it, but i think this message is long enough already. We can talk about why i think i dont have control on all these things in another message.
No, they dont exclude students if they didnt travel. It's just that you cant find much to talk about if you didnt travel.
Right, it is officially winter here too. Take care Cottnie and have a nice day. 💙 💙
@Cottonn Hey hey! I realise that my previous reply was kinda rushed towards the end, so lemme write things down properly this time.
Well, I feel like I don't have too much control over my own procrastination because i have a pretty strong urge to do whatever i remembered on 7 cups so i tend to put the hw off for later. So while i do have some level of control, i feel like i don't have complete control over it.
As for my skin, my mother won't allow me to use any treatment products other than this specific hyperpigmentation product i use right now. She keeps telling me that she'll let me use something else but after she takes me to a derm. She's been saying that since may 2023, and i don't think she'll do anything about it anytime soon. So wile i do have some level of control on taking care of my skin like washing moisturizing and sun protecting my skin, i don't have control over many things that affect my skin.
About the travelling, no, nobody asks students to travel. It's just something that many students do. I didn't quite get your question " Don’t they exclude students who can’t travel?" and i think i misunderstood/misread it when i responded to it in my previous message. But anyway, it's just that if you don't travel, you don't have much to talk about with other kids, so it's not a matter of talking about it with a teacher.
By the way, i realise that I haven't responded to your response in our convo about god. Don't worry though, i will read it and hopefully respond to it soon. 🫂
@Cottonn Me finally responding to your message from 21st november, lol. Im taking ages to respomd to it, and i dunno why ive been putting it off for so long.
Haha, true. It happens sometimes, and it it very annoying when you have to type everything all over again.
I agree, i think its all about finding the right balance between hopelessness and hopefulness. I dont have to be either of them. But you're right, this is easier said than done. Its hard to balance these things.
Sadly, majority of teachers these days arent good. They dont care about our mental health, ir evwn about us as people. Many people become school teachers just because they didnt get any other job.
I agree, many trachers work hard. Not all do, but many do. But dealing with so many kids and teens at a time, and doing that all day must bot be easy. The ones who do work hard for us deserve our respect.
Yes, i agree that some teachers are far from deserving their career. Well, we already have strict rules for teacher, but they arent always enforced and if they are, sometimes they are taken advantage of by the teachers. I agree, there should be rules for teachers as well, but who'll enforce them? Our school already has rules about teachers' hairstyles, but this rule is far from enforced.
"I think people’s feelings are not always the same, we get affected in different levels, maybe they don’t focus a lot.. maybe they are good at hiding their feelings. Or maybe they are positive? Sometimes there are some people who have this beautiful joy and strength, they don’t allow something to change their mood." I agree, but i didnt get the context of this. Let me be honest, we havent discussed this topic in a while and i am coming back to this after almost a month lol.
Oh, nice. Youve made a goal about not letting anything to touch your inner peace. How's it going so far? Yeah, i could join you, i'm just not sure how I'd go ahead with it. How are you trying to achieve this goal?
I understand the suposed purpose of singing a morning prayer. But does it really keep us safe through the day? Does not singing the prayer mean that i am unsafe throughout the day? Does singing the prayer half heartedly, just for the sake of it, without knowing its real meaning and without closing my eyes, really count? On holidays or weekends when i dont sing any prayer in the morning, am i unsafe?
I agree, knowing the real meanings behind something really helps. But who will teach us the meanings?
I'll consider reading that story, i havent read it yet.
Multiple beiefs about god does make evrything confusing. I dont think its possible for me to listen to all opinions, there are too many opinions around. But yeah, i have listened to many opinions, and what seems most logical to me right now is something that doesnt really draw too many conclusions.
Yeah, i did find that complex. Would you want to help me understand, though?
Well, i never follow what i see. I seem to have questions about everything, lol.
I agree that this is a difficult and complex topic for me, but that doesnt mean i dont want to talk about it at all. It's difficult talking about these things, which is why my brain was putting off replying here for so long, but its okay, we can still talk. You're allowed to go as deep as you want to.
Okay, so if death happens naturally, its in the right time. But suicide is not dying at the right time. Okay, okay... What about murder or execution? Is it supposed to happen, and does it happen in the right time? Is it concidered natural?
Yeah, i do like learning about my body, i like human biology. But i that's more of school style learning. Yeah i do realise that every cell is working to keep me alive. Maybe if i didnt have any value, they wouldnt keep me alive. The purpose of off my cells is to keep my body finctioning. But also cells die everyday but get replaced. And the new cells have the same function. Why cant i die and get replaced? And the replacement can do my function?
What i say about myself comes true by time?? If i say i am a bad person, will i become a bad person by time? If i say i deserve to have to dreedom to die, will i get the freedom with time?
I agree, there are some good things about me... but there are also many bad things about me.
@Cottonn It's so nice to hear from you. Im happy to know that you're doing great.
I know, i avoid people who make fun of others behind their backs. I mean, a little talking about others is okay as long as you're not making fun of them, but laughing about weird moments others have had is definitely not something great. But the truth is, most people in school do that, which makes me think, is it even possible to make some real friends in school? Won't everyone go and laugh about us behind our backs?
Cottnie, dont think my grandmother was that nice a person. When my mother was little, my grandmother abused her both physically and emotionally. And she never apologized to her about that. But yeah, she did love and care about me and i liked her. Plus, my grandmother did change as a person after she realised what kind of a person she made my mother marry. (Yeah, I'm talking about my father. He used to be incredibly abusive, though he's not as abusive anymore.) Anyway, leaving all that aside, while i do regret not talking to my grandmother before she left, it's not something that bothers me anymore. I've moved on.
You hope i am feeling better now? Better about what?
The thing with my father is that i didnt know he was mad at me before i hugged him, or I'd have apologized. I only realied that he was mad after i hugged him, so my apology came after the scolding. But leave it now.
Sadly, I'm still not feeling back to work. I know right, i will probably have more energy when i go back home, but thats not until 31st dec. I long to go back home. Well, theres not much to feel better about after my grandfathers passing because thats not something thats not something thats upset or bothered me. What is seriously upsetting me is living in my grandparents house. It totally sucks.
I know right, nobody really has perfect skin. Some babies and young children do, but as we get older, our skins do get some or the other imperfections. I like how you've changed how you feel about your skin when you look in the mirror. Yeah, what you say does make sense, and I am and have always been proud of my skin for serving its purpose of protecting my inside body.
I'm sorry to hear that you've dealt with acne and eczema. I know acne is hard enough by itself, and i cant imagine how hard it would be to have eczema along with it. Thanks for sharing your routine. It's nice to talk to someone on 7cups about skincare because it's not a ver talked about topic here since because many people dont realise that our skin can have an effect on our mental health.
Yeah, i wash my face too. On school days, i wash it once in the morning, once when i shower after school and once before bed. I know thrice a day is a bit too much but i dont know which wash i should skip. Any idea? And yeah, i moisturize at night and sun protect during the day, I'm pretty hard on myslef about sunscreen. What is a face scraping product though? I have no idea.
I know, i know i need to do a lot of research about skincare and what'll suit me. Actually I've already done a lot of research. Skincare is something that used to interest me a lot, and i ended up researching a lot, so i know about a lot of skincare ingredients, their uses, benefits and so on.
Seasons haha! We miss them when they aren't around, and when they are, we suddenly regret missing them. Happens to me too. Actually, i am at my grandparents place right now, which is in a different part of india than were i normally live. And its pretty cold in here. The problem is that its cold and humid, which makes it a recipe for disaster. I got really sick here, i was super sick yesterday. I'm sick today too, just a little better.
I know, what we eat really matters, but sadly i dont get to have much control over what i eat. I just eat what i am given. But yeah, i do drink water. I'm having a bit of a problem eating right now, I'm depressed and i dont want to eat, plus the food I'm being given is super tasteless, so I'm not able to finish all the food I'm being given, but yeah.... I'm still eating something.
@exuberantBlackberry9105
help
@infiniteforever12 How may I help you? 🙂
@Cottonn Hey hey! I like your philosophy, yeah it does make sense, but as you've said, it's hard. How on earth can i be "the beautiful change anywhere"? i always seem to be the ugly change everywhere, i feel like a burden. No, I'm not really satisfied with my own company. It's better than someone else's company, but i was i would have to have the company on my own body either. I'm tired.
I dont have a beautiul heart, Cottnie. I dont. And i probably would never be able to find someone who matches my wierd vibes.
I know i shouldn't share too much emotions with anybody. I dont really trust anyone to be honest, but i still share my emotions like here on 7cups where so many people i dont trust can read about my emotions. At least i can do this because this is online. I understand that you think that emotional support friends can be school friends, but i cant help but disagree.
I really understand that my uncle is having a hard time right now. And on top of the loss, he's having to eat all bland food all the time till 27th dec. I know that's not easy. I was wondering if you'd want to talk about worship and god in this situation?
My grandfather's loss can't be the reason behind this situation. My uncle has always been like this. Even if i try to start a convo with him, he pretends like he disnt hear me, or maybe something is wrong with his hearing and he actually doesnt hear me. I dunno. I will never get an answer if i ask him a question. He wont share stories/memories or anything even if i give him the opportunity to. I dont think the fact that he could still take me out makes him a nice uncle. It doesnt make any sense to just do out and walk on akwardly.
Okay so talking about that horrible doctor, she said that "until you're 18, your skin WILL keep being so oily, it happens because of hormones. You must have learnt about the skin in science and you know it has tiny holes. So if you apply anyrhing like a cream, those holes will get blocked and you will get acne. So we cant treat acne using topical products, its about hormones. You shouldn't put anything on your skin and you should was your face 5-6 times a day with a mild soap. Why do you need to use moisturizer? I've never used any moisturizer in my life. It's all about moisturizing the skin for the inside. So eat a lot of ghee in your food and your skin will automatically get moisturized from the inside."
This is RIDICULOUS! Wash your face 5-6 times a day?! What am i doing? Trying to dry out my face like soild that hasnt been watered in a million years? No moisturizer?! No mention of sunscreen, the most important part of a skincare routine?! That doctor is ............. You know, Cottnie, you can fill in the blank.
@Cottonn Oh hey there! looks like i missed out on this message. sometimes i can click a notif accidentally and not notice a message, and I'm sorry about that. sometimes tagging me helps me not miss out on a message hehe, but it should be okay without a tag tok because I'm sunscribed to this tread and should be checking it often. I'm sorry I'm responding to you the next year hehe. i apologize for such a delayed response, cottnie. 🤍
by the way, happy new year.
i honestly dont know if it can change, and i can stop feeling that way, but leave it.
of course i can talk to one of them, but i dont usually initiate a convo with someone without observing them for a while. and as far as I've observed, i dont find anyone suitable. i dont like talking the risk of initiating a convo with someone without silently observing them because maybe they make fun of people behind their backs and i wouldnt wanna be friends with someone who does that. and i know how much it hurts to be abandoned after one convo and i dodnt want to do that to anyone because i talk to them without prior observation and later realise what all they are doing behind peoples backs.
mmm okay, but are my questions not annoying? most people find them annoying.
i know right? tea or coffee, both of which have caffine is nothing compared to alcohol. it's a huge mystery how for so long I've not been allowed to have tea. i can however let you know that i was allowed to have my first ever official sip of tea on 27th dec. it was the day those pujas and rituals were happening so we had a lot of guests so lot of tea was made and my mother let me have a little tea in a teeny tiny 80 ml cup just so i could taste it. i have only secretly tasted tea before that. i like how it normally tastes but that day it had a little too much sugar in it. but it still tasted alright. but my mother had heated the tea to such a crazy hot temperature that day, i literally burnt my tongue off.
@Cottonn Hey Cottnie, I am sorry about my late response, I've been busy and super stressed lately.
well, you might think I have a sense of humour, but I don't think I do.
I understand that you don't want to talk about your fears right now, and that's okay. Know that I'm here if you want to talk.
Yeah, annoying things always come at once. Well, I really can't help but get affected by something bad someone tells me. I'm already such a depressed and hopeless person, and I'm sensitive so if someone tells me something like that, it is going to hurt me. And it specially hurts if it is coming from someone like my mother.
As for exams, it's not one exam, its six exams. we have them for every subject (English, Hindi, maths, science, SST, French). One exam every day from Monday to Saturday this week. I'm not sure what you mean by "What is the exam about?" though. But anyway, I don't think I will do well in the exams. I haven't been studying lately, but let's see how much I can manage with last minute studies.