A space for @Cottonn and Berry

@Cottonn Heyyy there! thanks for asking. to be honest though, i'm not doing very well. what about you? how are you doing?

well, i hope they don't affect me for a long time hehe, but i don't see that coming...

yeah, thanks, talking might make me feel better. the hindi class on wednesday was really terrible. firstly the chapter ma'am is teaching is a bit of a disturbing chapter - a 12 year old dies because of leukemia. she was really hopeful about her future and really wanted to survive but nothing could save her. other than that, ma'am was also talking about an upcoming field trip we have the coming monday, when we'll be visiting "a home for physically and mentally challenged people". ma'am went on an on talking about that. she mentioned a lot of very disturbing things that make me want to cry. the hindi teacher may not have told me something to make ME feel bad, but the things she said so make me feel bad. bad not in the sense bad about myself, i mean bad because i feel like crying... i guess i'm being very unclear right now.

well, i don't just face some self esteem issues, i practically have no self esteem. (this reminds me that i have to go check out Hope's posts.) awww thanks for saying that, cottnie. i needed to hear that. but i really don't feel valuable...

oh, thanks for the quote. but i feel like god also put things like mosquitos and ants and viruses and what not. did god really think earth should have those things inside? i don't know. they aren't really valuable, are they? you might say ants and mosquitos contribute something to the food chain, but what about viruses, specifically the dangerous ones? i don't think they are valuable. i don't think i am valuable.

ah, writing every small task down in a notebook sounds nice, i probably should give it a try. but that will take me at least 2 hrs lol, i don't know if i could do that.

aww yes, i'm giving myself some time to chill and enjoy but i sadly don't enjoy anything even if i gave myself the time. anyways... 🤍 🫂

@Cottonn haha, it would be great if it turns out better than expected but i dont have a lot of expectations. 

i never said i use a good type of pads. the stayfree pads my mother makes me use absolutely suck. many of them dont have a good sticky part and they love to move around. but yeah, my mother just bought me some reusable cloth pads and some period underwear. i just started using it yesterday. before that i was using the normal disposable pads and had a very severe pad rash. the cloth pads are much less issitating in my opinion. i had a very very bad pad rash this time and the cloth pads have helped a bit with that. i havent tried the period underwear yet. but my flow has reduced at this point (it's day 6) so i dunno how much of a mess the cloth pads or period underwear really will prevent but I'll try them for my next period.

thanks for the pain tips though. yeah, i take a warm shower everyday. i cant shower whenver i feel pain but i do shower once a day. and yeah, i use warm compress when its possible. i use a heating pad. but no, I'm not able to tell my mother to make herbal drinks right now because there's a lot of tenstion between us. not carrying heavy things through my period? that's not possible. i just have to carry my school bag, and it sure is a heavy bag. i dont wear socks at home because it's very inconvenient. i do keep my feet warm by wearing flip flops at home. i can try massaging my feet though but i dunno how it's supposed to help. hmm sleeping and eating well is a really hard thing to do lately.

"Do you do anything to help you with the pain ?" yeah i do, i use a heating pad on my belly and take pain meds if i need to.

"i would recommend you reading some period important instructions, sometimes small bad habits can cause similar problems." i didn't get that, could you explain that please? 🤍🤍

@Cottonn hmm i see. but i have to sag that I've never thought that I'm the only one going though this. many people in my life would be silently struggling, just like i am (in real life, I'm not so silent on cups, haha) i just dont know that they are struggling and they dont know that i am struggling. but i realise that I'm not alone.

i dont think that everyone but me is happy. many people are great at pretending to be happy even when they aren't, myself included. i can sometimes put on a happy smiling face even when I'm breaking apart on the inside. that doesnt mean I'm happy. I'm sure this same thing applies to many other people.

but sadly, i do believe that nothing can fix the mess in my life.... but yeah, i can agree that understanding that others struggle too is a good thing.

honestly, i dont know what happiness means to me. i dont know how to define it. maybe it's a state of being satisfied with your life and at peace with yourself and having hope for the future, but i dunno. what does happiness mean to you, Cottnie?

i really dunno the beautiful side of life. i never enjoy anything so i dont know what to call the beautiful side. i really dont know.

good to hear that your day went well. ooh, what was the show about? I'm sorry it made you cry. did you like it though? (sorry if this is a stupid question, but sometimes i could still like a movie even if it makes me cry or something).

hmm thanks Cottnie. 🤍🤍

@Cottonn I'm not sure what happenned, but all of your posts seem to have disappeared. i just came here to reply to your last post that i hadn't responded to for a week now, and all your posts seem to have poofed. i checked some other threads too and all your posts everywhere seem to have vanished. have all the posts vanished from your side too? is everything alright, Cottnie? how are you doing? 🤍🤍

@Cottonn i am making what hard, buddy? did i hurt you by saying that i cried? please don't feel bad because i cried. i cried because i love you and i will miss you so much. and it was more of other things going on in my life that made me cry, it wasnt just you. plese dont blame yourself of feel bad.

you really stayed on cups all this while for me? that's so sweet of you buddy. 🤍

it's okay. i dunno if we can undelete posts, but d ont worry, i guess I've come to terms with our convos being gone...

thank you so much for agreeing to stay on cups for a bit. thank you sooo much.

oh yeah, exams got over long ago, 13th jan in fact. but we have exams starting from 28th feb again. dont worry, you aren't distracting me or anything. 🤍

@Cottonn awww cottnie 💙💙 I'm sooo sorry for the delay. i had it saved on the laptop and i couldn't get on in yesterday or the day before. but here i am on the laptop right now, so lemme send it you today.

well, i might not need to, but i really want to give you something. i know you enjoy talking and sharing, but you still deserve something special for you.

ah, thanks. you can give it a thought and decide what you wanna do. 😊

what stops me from feeling great these days? depression, school, my mother, honestly, just so much going on lately. there's lots of things going on in school right now and this is the last week of school before annual exam. i can't believe 8th grade is nearly over, it's been a real hard year. my mother is also being quite bothersome lately and I'm just trying to deal with her....

woah, this time tell you if what kinda listening style of yours i like? i would say it's really good either ways. it's really about you deciding when a longer, more detailed message with suggestions feels better and when a short and sweet message is better. and i think you really do figure it out very well (and i know that's hard because my posts are usually necessarily long, but you've been doing really well). 🤍

anyway, here you go with what i made for you. i hope you like it. 💜

@Cottonn aww thanks, cottnie. 

how I manage without studying properly will always remain a mystery, lol. woah, I have advanced abilities? honestly that's funny to think about. but it kinda feels good to hear.

I have really good english? well, could I ask what's so good about my english? a lot of people tell me this but I really wonder what's so different about my english? I don't use correct capitalisation or punctuation all the time, I don't use very fancy or complicated english, so what's the matter? (by the way, I'm actually 14 right now, I turned 14 this january). mmm you're impressed by my language skills? what language skills? come listen to my hindi, you won't be impressed anymore.

do i think my teachers opinions is a good reason to keep me pressured about marks? no. just no. but teachers opinions still do keep me pressured. because I don't want to be scolded and embarrassed in front of the whole class because teachers can say a lot of things if you normally do well but didn't do well a certain time.

finding a reason to make me wake up early and go to school everyday? that's impossible. nothing will ever make me want to wake up early, I'm a night owl. does that mean i never wqke up early? no, i do because i have to. nothing will ever make me want to go to school. I hate school. does that mean I don't do to school? no, I do because I have to. (but I've been staying home from school quite a lot lately and I have no motivation to go to school. school really sucks).

"I do know it’s hard to not believe something when everyone says it. But i think realising the fact everyone’s experience is different can help. It can be really hard for those students who don’t study, and it’s logical that things are difficult and complicated for someone who doesn’t study. The reason why your principal and people around talk like this is because they want those students who don’t care to start taking studying seriously since the next year." that actually makes a lot of sense. I get it, you do have a good point. thank you so much for saying that, it really means a lot and it's good to hear. it gives me a little hope.

awww you wanna stay till my exams are over just for me? that's so sweet of you. my exams arent over until 12th march though. I might be busy and unable to talk much but I do hope we can continue talking during this time. I love you. 💙💙

@Cottonn hey, i've been missing you. i hope you're doing alright. my exams just got over today, and i'm wondering if that means you'll be leaving cups today or tomorrow? also kinda curious if you've decided to delete your account, or if you're just gonna deactivate it? i love you, and i'll miss you loads, i'm missing you already to be honest. 🤍 *hugs*🫂