azurePondering with a Bear

@azurepond

Ohhhh you got jury duty… tht explains y u said u were in court in ur previous message. How was the experience?

It was a experience. I enjoyed finally getting to see it but the case was a boring one that would have gone over my head with all the new words, so I am glad I didn't get picked.

I definitely picked up on the Medusa vibe but I didnt want to make assumptions or put you in the spotlight.

No you're good to tell me what stuff looks like, helps the process and sometimes gets laugh's! But also thank you for the consideration.

Izzz fine… I don mind long playlists.

Good, cuz uhhhh I might be still adding songs,  it is like 120+ songs now or something. 😶 They are still in no particular order, might be best to put the playlist on shuffle? Idk tho

It’s not technically the first short story Ive sent out... I sent 3 different stories to 3 different magazines. One rejected me...  Im still waiting on a response from the 3rd and the 2nd one actually got selected.

Ahh I see, still getting one accepted on the first batch you send is really impressive!! 

I wouldnt exactly call myself a published poet… well... technically I am. I published an anthology in my 2nd year of college. I didnt write much afterwards. It was decent but lets say I wasnt entirely happy with it... even tho I got gud feedback. It didnt feel right bcoz I published under my own name instead of a pen name and I think I mentally censored a lot so it wasnt as raw as my 7cups poems. So it didnt feel authentic to me even while ppl praised me for it. 

That's interesting. It's also understandable that you aren't fully happy with it as it wasn't a hundred percent you at the time. But I am glad you can get safe feedback on your work here.

Anyway.... thank you for being excited about it… really Bear... heartfelt thanks and hugs.

I am excited!!! Cuz it's awesome!! My oldest sister M wrote a children's Christmas book (she even drew on every page for the story) but didn't publish it, it was just a school project. So very excited to know some who has published something!!!!! 

Yeah... when I said “friends  I meant my friends here on 7cups. I didnt tell anyone else... well I told Z that I might send stories to magazines. Nobody else. It was a whim one midnight... I opened G00gle... looked up open submissions and sent 3 stories I already had in a folder. I didnt even knw what I was doing.

I kinda assumed that you meant 7 cups but I wasn't sure if it included someone like Z or anyone else too. Even if you didn't know what you were doing, you did something right.

Of course Id share. You’re part of it too, Bear.

Thanks you!!

I havent won the prize yet tho that’ll be announced at the end of the year.

Fair enough, tho still hope you win!!

“Help with the gate?” What does that mean? Sometimes things get lost in translation for me.

Ahh I wasn't very clear about that, we were installing a gate opener. So after 5-7 years I don't have to get out of the car to open the gate every time we leave, just click a button and wait 7 centuries for it to open

Yeah new friends definitely. He has a team now... at first it was just a vlog but now he does it "more" professionally. It’s kind of fun seeing the behind-the-scenes process... not that they filmed while I was there but you get to see the agenda, the script, the angles they aim for, clickbaits, their thoughts on how algorithms work… its cool.

That's great ya have some new friendos! It does sound really cool to see the behind the scenes and even get to talk about their thoughts and ideas for the vlog.

Thank you, Bear. I will pass the message to them.( about my grandparents)

Ahh what message was that??? Lol I forgot.

"It’s always interesting meeting someone you know somethin about or know through family but have never actually met"---- Yes.  I actually missed that. Back when I lived with my family, there were always visitors... friends of friends, acquaintances..  but after I moved out, the only interactions I had were with my friends or family.

Sounds busy, I like meeting new people occasionally but we rarely have people over, (a whole family of introverts) so I don't think I could handle that much people interactions. 

You wouldnt invite a stranger to ur apartment, right?

*Blink blink* uhhhh totally not, not me. No sorry I don't have a apartment so I couldn't even if I wanted to. I seriously wouldn't let a stranger in, (I would have to know them for 5mins to a century first! ^ ^ )

So I missed that excitement of meeting new people and learning new things esp since I dont go out much for socialising now.

That's fair, glad you got some of that experience again!

The city... busy and loud and fun if youre an extrovert who enjoys extrovert-y things. (Not a extrovert lol) I mostly stay inside lol. (Fair) Honestly my life is pretty much the same everywhere (sorry... I’m bad at answering this... I dont hav much of an outdoorsy life now. When I was a teenager, it was different but now it’s mostly the same every day… you could drop me on Mars and Id still live the same way) 

Lol OOf, would you at least go see the sights on Mars??? Lol

I use buses and the subway. Mostly buses since I dont have a license. I also use my bicycle or  rarely.... book a driver.

Double oof, I forgot subways were a thing... Buses, I have seen a few of those but never been on one. And bikes, I can ride one!!! Lol

T and his team are from abroad..so they wanted to see if the script was culturally appropriate and not offensive. They just wanted a local perspective. Thats where I came in.

Ahh yes the local shut in perspective, jk jk I know you clearly know a lot about the place, I mean you showed the around the city and speak the language, and maybe (?) grew up there

Thank you, Bear. Yk that sociological experiment.. the 6 degrees of separation? The idea is that everyone is 6 or fewer social connections away from each other. Idk if it’s scientifically accurate... but it’s possible we only have 6 people between us.

Yes I know it!! There is no way to truly prove it, but it is pretty close from all the experiments that have tested it. My biggest question about it is are the closed circles in it? And yes it's totally possible it's only 6 people, or it's possible it's more or even less 🙃

Thank you for responding even in the midst of your worries and other engagements. I respect that.

I try don't always find the time, or the motivation to write, but I try!

Also Bear how are things on your end? Did you hear from the job provider? I dont want to pressure you tho

Ahh things are life and life is things. The one I told you about responded to say they'll respond and have since ghosted me for weeks (it seems like.) and I have been sending out applications, not enough but I have been sending some out but no body responds to that, so I just got to do better.

I think I read it but didn’t reply about K… Congratulations on the news! Pass my best wishes and prayers to K and her husband. May God bless the family and keep them safe.

I passed it on, they were a bit confused, cuz I don't really have friends I talk to. Especially ones they don't know. . . Oof that sounds so depressing about me. . . Anyways they said thanks! So yea

Bear, how are you feeling now? You mentioned feeling panicky after hearing the news… we can talk about it if youre comfortable  or if you’re past it, thats fine too.

I uhhh I don't know for sure how I feel now. I felt terrified, like should I even be around, should I leave so I don't ruin the kid somehow. What if the kid gets attached and then I leave for a job or whatever reason in the future, how can I do that to a kid. ECT ect lots of thoughts that night. Now I am back to a pretty honest monotone, so yay me *sarcasm dripping like honey on the yay me* 

I understand that a baby is a big responsibility... not just for the parents but for the whole family. It’s true that it takes a village to raise a child. The fact that youre worried about ur influence as an uncle shows what a good uncle you’ll be.

True. I like your optimism but just cuz someone worrys or wants to be good doesn't mean they succeed. Especially when it comes to something as complex as a child. But I get your point so seriously thank you.

You admit you’re influential but don’t stress... you have time to learn and prepare. You’ll be the best uncle, Bear. You’re empathetic, kind, curious, full of light and love. The baby will adore you.

I thanks I hope it goes as well as you say. 

Take care, Bear. will do chief! 🖖🫡

Peace and love Pond 🩵

@Azurepond

Hey Pond, idk what to say 

How are you? You been okay?

I am bored, sick(ish), and not feeling the best,. 

Think fast

It's a couple of croccats

Idk

Love ya byeeeeeeee---- 🩵

@azurepond

Hey Pond, how are you? (Sent previous message asking about you ankle and head, but I'll ask again in case you miss it, how you healing?) 

My day was interesting, woke up to the dog barking. Turns there were some dogs way up at the gate, so we let ours into eat and be quiet. Kind just chilled and watched YouTube or listened to music. Ehh had to air up tires, eat some food, applied to jobs I probably won't get, ect ect. uhhh what was interesting again? Idk ohhh yeah at some point I found this really cool, (but pretty sad, almost cried myself but when I am alone I get to almost crying easily but then don't cry and get frustrated like either cry or don't, but don't just get watery and stuff, lol ahh) animation. It's called "green world [animation]" give it a watch if you want, or not. I might write a (hopefully short cuz I never finish anything long) story loosely based on it. Uhh worked on that one poem I'm not done with yet some more, got a first draft done, now just gotta redo it so it looks and sounds good and isn't full of filler words (and maybe change a section or two? Idk maybe not tho??). Ohh also wrote a 400ish word description/outline of the story loosely based on that animation, and then later started drawing some eyes to go with the main character, (obviously different from the animation, yet also similar sorta,) not done but will share the eyes eventually. Uhhhhhhh oh yeah also found a few(3-5) of the books you recommended in physical copy that my mother owns, so might do a mix of finding audiobooks online and physical copies, idk exactly the plan yet. 

Ohhh somewhat unrelated, theres a mobile game called "Alter Ego" it's a self discovery clicker game, has three endings, you have to get both of  the first two before the third one. Anyways it's pretty deep, and I just finally got the third ending the other day(by far the best ending, also all the ends are cannon like they all happen but also don't? It's weird but fun) and it unlocked some extra content. The game also has reference to quite a few books, so might also try to find a few of those to read. 

Also IDK looking back on the day it seems more productive, fun, and successful, than most yet for a lot of it I still felt kinda down/hollow/sad idk what the right word is. Any ways it's frustrating (but also not) to have a "good" day and still just not really feel? Idk idk hhhhhhhhh sorry random sad boi moment 

Anyways anyways, how are you? How are you feeling? Any troubles? Need/wanna talk about anything? Headpats, hugs, ect/whatever is best.

Ohhh also been stretching again, my thighs haven't liked that, or my knees, or ankles, or I guess anything that could be called a part of the leg except the parts that did like it? Lol sorry

Uuhghhh I am being so random tonight but it feels nice so hopefully not to annoying.

Anyways for like the seventh time, (don't feel like counting but took a guess anyways, does that one count? Maybe 8 now???)

Sigh

And now the sad goodbye, no make it a happy goodbye, no it must be sad for that has the best drama,  but happy makes the heart better and that's what we all need!,  very well perhaps a grayish melancholic goodbye? , ehh no, just a Good bye and happy birthday and a merry new year and all that jazz?, no just a Good bye good bye, for one from the heart could be any of these?

Lol got no clue what I was doing their sorry????????? Lol

Anyways (for the final time hopefully)

Bye for now Pond, please take care. Sending the best hugs and prayers for you, love ya 🩵

@7Bear7 ohhh my last message was the 520th reply to the og message, so that makes you're next one(unless I say something else, sigh) 522th 

Oeace

@azurepond

Yoooooo didn't awhile back you say you like everything white? Like pillows cloths couches dishes counters etc everything! Will I guess me  cause you

Like yim and yang

Cause like everything is black, pillows sheets, clothes, hoodie, hats, shoes, chair ect

Crasyzyz

Like I am sorta an a mood tonight and this popped into my head sooo yah know

Anyways you yang

Also how are youuokuui

Are you good? Alieve

Hopefully not dead, I might cry if so cuz like whatill do that? 

Uhh bad rambes 

Your head and got better?

Any fun or bad or good?

Had a very frustrating day my self, sorry so now I am sleepy and frustrated and excited and sleepy as. rambling 

So love you bye! 🩵

@azurepond

Hey, are you okay? It's been awhile so hopefully things aren't horrible. How are your injuries? Anything interesting happen?

Sending prayers hugs And love 🩵

@azurepond

Hey Pond. How are you? Really hope you're doing better and healing up good. You are our of the hospital? Thats what it sounded like from your update. If so that's good, still rest is needed, but the proper amount of exertion is also good for healing. However that proper amount is dependent on the injury so I won't tell you what to do (not that I could even if I knew) but will advise to get the needed rest for the recovery.

Uhhhhhhh amz very sleepy ha d a long day, church, eat with sister and her friends then play ames then church then home and help take care of mother. She's ok just in pain and sore and tired, she had a thing done but I won't say more cuz she doesn't want any of it on the Internet. just tired I guess. But also worried about you (and some other stuff I suppose) and frustrated with myself but also not idk idk idk it's idk now I feel bad rambling about stupid stuff while you were (or are) in the hospital. Like seriously are you okay? Maybe it's just my American senses but hospitals make me scared and nervous. Or I suppose it could be anytime I have been to the hospital for someone else it's been death, near death, or life changing... Or at least most of them and definitely the ones I remember. And now I am rambling about more stupid stuff and probably making you worried or stressed reading it sorry 

Ughh of course my brother in law had to piont out how half cup empty my family is with our words. Like we say 'sorry for bothering you love you bye' when ending a call rather than 'thank you for talking with me, love ya bye' when talking with family. Or other stuff, like I already knew I was a not the best now I am pesamestric instead of just being polite and considerate of their time?!? Ugh sorry this is stupid ramble is 

Love you get better, sending prayers bye 🩵

@azurepond

I hope silence doesn't mean something bad happened again? Okay to be fair it's only been a few days, lol. But seriously how are you doing? Still couped up in the hospital? Hope you are healing well.

Shamefully I have to admit I haven't prayed as much as I should have especially after specifically saying I would. Don't get me wrong I've been praying for you but I just don't pray as much as I should in general so that bleeds into not praying for others as much as I should.

I've gone back and read some of your older poems (I say older, but really only like a year or so ago, but it was before I even got a cups account so that's older! lol 😭) they are really good and I need to comment on more of them.

Been cooking a lot recently cuz mother can't, it's both nice and not. I like cooking but I also don't like cooking if that makes sense? 

My cat became a purring puddle on my lap yesterday so that was nice.

Ya know how some days can be weird. Where like part of it was amazing, part was horrible, some was meh, others good, others bad, others peaceful, some stressful, and it all comes together at the end of the day. When you getting ready for bed and that's the moment when you're finally moments and actions determine your view of the day, but then you realize despite the last moment being (good or bad) the day had some of both and the you just sit in apathy because how do you deal with it? No? Just me? Lol jk 

Does your hospital room have a view? 

Ya know some days I wanna art so bad I have the ideas and motivation, but when the pen meets the paper (or fingers the keyboard in the case of writing) just nothing real comes out and you just stew in creative passion but nothing to do with it? My either cuz I described it poorly but ya know the something sort like it? Right puddles?

I've missed you. Quite a lot actually. Despite having some other Internet friends and some decent real life acquaintances, I don't feel nearly as much at ease with them then you. Ya know, like I love em and enjoy time with them. But it's still straining or draining, or frustrating (those don't seem quite like the right word, seem to negative, but tired vrian can't thing of right words.) not that I never stress with you, especially when you go throwing yourself down stairs (jk sowy.) but it's different idk ya know?

Anyways I'll be trying to pray more often and constantly for you and others and me.

Sending love and hugs,

Bear 🩵

@azurepond

Hey

@azurepond

Hey

Sorry I forgot to say happy thanksgiving. So late happy thanksgiving. . . Hope it was decent? You make it out of the hospital yet? How are you doing, both recovery and like mental/spiritual? If you need or wanna talk I am always here, but don't feel a responsibility either. . . I have some patience lol . . .

IDK what to talk about. . . I finally posted that poem I've been spending more time than usual on. I'm not super happy with it but it finally felt presentable, and I knew I would never post it if I waited to much longer too. It's about trees and plants and stuff. . . 

If you could do one thing with no bad consequences what would you do? (including like injury, so like the bad consequences of jumping from a military building is you get hurt and get arrested if you survive. Hence no bad consequences you don't get injured or arrested.)

Idk pond I just don't know. . . Perhaps not knowing is the answer but it sure is a frustrating one. But the smoldering kinda frustrating, the one that boils you until your just formless mush of tiredness or even evaporated with no will left. Idk tho maybe it's not the answer, especially when I don't even know the question. . .

You said at one point you like white everything (sheets, pillows, counters, dishes, ect) you also said you've been in hospitals a lot (or I think you said that? Or maybe that's sleepy me being a itdor) is maybe part of the reason you like/need white because of that? Or I

Thanks for listening 

Hope you feel better, have a blessed night/day/life

Love ya 🩵