azurePondering with a Bear

@azurepond

If it's not inappropriate or too personal to ask, what your situation with faith like? 

@7Bear7 
Hello Bear.... I hope you are good <3

@azurepond

Hey Pond, sorry about being slow to respond, I was semi busy and tired and in an antisocial mood, sorry. 

Ooh have you thought about joining a gym or maybe getting a trainer or even just someone to work out with? Having an accountability partner really helps build momentum in the beginning.

I have considered it, but it's just not super feasible right now, any gyms are far away, and I have other things to focus on. And I generally do calisthenics which doesn't need much if any equipment. 

 Working out and journaling are both brilliant for mental health. Idk why  but I always feel happier once I’ve ticked them off. It’s like I’ve actually been productive happy dance  I haven’t properly got back into exercising yet though. I was told to rest and I still have body aches and a bit of breathing trouble (I had pneumonia as a kid so my lungs are a bit weak and even a small fever hits me like a train lol) For now I just stick to some stretches and  not yoga though as that can be risky without someone to keep an eye on you.

They definitely can be great for mental health as long as they don't control you. I generally feel calmer after a workout, so yahh definitely should get back into it, just don't have a ton of motivation. Tho I might soon??? Who knows? Rest is definitely a good thing, treat your body right and it will try to treat you right. Breath trouble doesn't sound fun at all, I know running can make breathing feel like trying to exhale sticky r@zor wire for me occasionally but other than that I am generally fine. Pneumonia sounds super unpleasant sorry you had to go through that and the continuing after effects. Blink blink what's the difference between stretching and yoga? I know some yoga has some spiritual stuff to go along with it but most people don't practice that way anymore from what I can tell, even then how is it dangerous??

Oh no, earworms… “my little soda pop”...  it was cute until I realised the lyrics were about su.cking the soul out of you🙃

It's still cute just in the ohh no I am gonna d¡3 to a catchy (sometimes annoying) beat ;)

Work wise *** it depends on the job or client but I’m used to it by now.

 Thanks for saying that btw.

You're welcome

My dad keeps telling me I don’t need a job right now that I should just rest for a year and then go to law school. But I feel like I need time to figure things out first. Maybe by trying different jobs I’ll discover something I actually want to do yk? And law school… it would mean graduating and then practising under my uncle, joining his law firm, which would tie me back into my family again. I don’t know if it’s selfish but I don’t want that. It’s not that I don’t love them but… ahhhhhh here comes the existential crisis again.

Yeah, its something alright, wish I could just have some great ambition with motivation and go do it but nothing really calls to me. It's just the occasional full whisper that fades regularly for everything. Trying different jobs shouldn't hurt, gives you a idea of different industries and respect for the people who do them? Law School doesn't have to tie you to your family right? And trust me I get the loving your family but not knowing if you want to be tied (especially financially) to them for the rest of your life. Breath, in and out, I don't have a solution but I am hear to listen and bounce ideas off of if you want.

So you’ve been avoiding it? May I ask why?

Ehh a few things, like I have said before, I am not a very brave person mentally or socially. Like if it something physically like someone getting hurt I wouldn't hesitate to jump in. But doing anything not already part of my social habits is kinda scary, and I hesitate a lot. Also had multiple falling throughs with things I was hoping would pan out, so just got unmotivated. And just I have never had a job and didn't want things to change while also desperately wanting things to change?? Idk that stuff I guess?

 Meanwhile, I’m actively job searching when I really should just be resting.

Oof maybe we need to switch, me go search and you take a nap, lol 

For now I’m sticking to online therapy sessions... at least for the next few months and then I’ll gradually transition to in-person once I’ve found someone good here.

Sound like a good plan, hope things go as smoothly as well oiled ball bearings! 

Yes about the maid.. Well not technically a maid.. I’ve got a housekeeper now (they call it “house manager” these days, apparently) She’s from an agency, properly vetted with background checks and everything. We (as in my grandparents lol)  contacted the agency, I met her and now she’s on a set schedule for cooking and cleaning. On cleaning days she tidies, does the household chores, orders essentials and then leaves. On cooking days she comes at set times, cooks, does meal prep, restocks the fridge, even orders groceries and cleans the kitchen before heading off. Sometimes she leaves post it notes on the fridge like “heat this in the oven at this temperature” and so on. The hiring help is much needed because my PTSD breakdowns can be really draining. I can’t stand messy spaces but on some days I just don’t have the energy to deal with it. Same with cooking.... there are days I can barely get out of bed and if there isn’t something already consumable in the fridge, I end up fasting lol. That’s why meal prep and the ready-to-eat salads, chicken wraps and soups have been a total lifesaver.

Wow that sounds amazing! I know if my sister M lived by herself (she doesn't) she would probably need someone like that, especially the cooking part. She has POTS and maybe some other things. Makes her feel m¡serable and d¡zzy, gives her low bl00d pressure, sometimes makes her p*** out, and generally low energy. But I am really glad you have people looking out for you, both hired and related. The chicken wraps and salads sound pretty good too! 

 So in your family, who usually does the cleaning? Sorry if that’s a silly question. it’s just that cooking and cleaning take up so much time and energy and it’s sooo repetitive. I always wonder how people manage to make time for anything else! It’s pretty normal here to have hired help so I hope I haven’t said anything offensive.

Nothing was offensive don't worry, if anything my question was more offensive lol. Umm well here's the thing. My mother cooks, and tries to clean. I mean I cook sometimes when she is busy, and when I lived with us she would cook a lot. We kids (all technically adults now) help with cooking when she is a lot too. As for dishes, she is pretty good about things that can go in the dishwasher, otherwise it hit or miss on whether dishes pile up. As for cleaning the house. . . Yeah it happens sometimes, I really don't wanna talk bad about us but I'll be honest, we don't clean much unless expecting guests. Like we don't let trash pile and we put away when done with it, so it's not horr¡ble but we don't have much of a deep clean schedule despite my dad trying to get us on one for years and years. Sometimes he succeeds for a few months until some big event happens and we don't have time and then just procrastinate permanently. Sooo yeah that about as much as I wanna say, I want us to be better and would do a lot of it myself, people don't like how I do it a lot of the time and I just get frustrated and give up. Yea I mean I am not the best either, don't get me wrong but idk yea yea yeah 

And yes — it was tasty!

Yay!!

Oh and you’re right....  you can be a godparent to more than one family! I’d forgotten that! Hahaha.

Lol noice, but I won't st3al them from you, your safe for MEOW

Hello Bear, I am your evil gender-bender clone — I too sometimes forget or skip meals for a whole day.

Ya know, miss genderbent clone, it probably a good thing we both skip, because if one of us skipped them all rather than half, that one would be m@lnour¡shed.

Being alone with your thoughts is the worst, isn’t it? It makes everything feel worse than it really is. That’s why writing things out or talking to someone helps so much. Our minds are brilliant at catastrophising, blowing things out of proportion  but when you write it down.... you can actually  see more logically that a lot of those imagined dangers aren’t actually possible. Reality is usually kinder than our fears.

So true, sometimes I wish I didn't have a wise friend who can s@ve me from myself, like let me dr0wn in my d3spa¡r till I cr@ck in peace. Why much people explain what is happening where I can fix it just enough to not br3@k !!!!!! Urhhghhhh. I am not really talking about you but just in general, sorry I went on a slightly dark tangent. But what you said is so true our minds are generally cru3l3r than reality.

You’re always in my prayers. May whatever’s weighing on you find its solution soon. Love you lots and  big hugs 🤍

Thank you so much Pond, you're mine too. May you find success and peace in your future. Love you too with bigger hugs 🩵

Apologizes for all the random symbols replacing letters, it was not letting me post and I couldn't figure out why, hopefully it works this time???????

@azurepond

Hey pond, just checking in on you. I know you sometimes disappear for a few days (and I do too (sorry) ) but I miss you, sorry. Anyways I hope you're healthy and things are going smoothly. Still keeping you in my prayers. Love you lots take care and stay safe! 🩵

@7Bear7 Hey Bear, are you around? feels like we’ve missed each other quite a bit... with both of us going through our own things. Are you free for a chat???? maybe a little catch up or just some casual talk to take our minds off everything? you here?

@azurepond

I find it hilarious that no matter what our replies always get longer and longer till it's like chapter length! 😭🤣😭

Also have you ever played Hollow Knight?

Sorry I am eating and can't type fast I will reply to stuff in about 3 minutes 

@azurepond

Hey hopefully you are either already asleep, or will be soon. Rest is good for ya, if your not tho I will try to reply faster if ya still wanna chat. 

Anyways sweet dreams and good night hopefully! 🩵

@azurepond

Hey pond, how was your day, or yesterday, or night? How about this, how was your last 25 hours? 

@azurepond

Hey checking in on you, hope today went better? 

Pink or purple?

Purple or pink or green?

Violet or green?

White or black?