hi purpleHemlock3913
@purpleHemlock3913
hope this works
i know you said you tried thought i would too
@stormieandpaws
Thank you for sharing that. I admire your faith, Stormie. How do you feel God's presence? Do you always feel it like you have it in you or what makes you stand strong in faith? I did have an experience in the past that I thought it was God. It was like divine intuition that someone might be lying and it turned out they were. It happened three times in a row and I felt like it's too weird. I can't explain these things. Some people may call it psychotic but no this one was a voice warning me about someone was lying all the time. Because this person is a very convincing liar. I was also convinced but there's divine intuition warning me he is a liar. Crazy, I know. It turned out that divine intuition was right. I'm more open-minded after that.
I admit I was skeptical about some religious people telling their spiritual or supernatural experiences. Then I started having mine and I was still skeptical but I was becoming more open-minded. It wasn't grand it was just as if God telling me not to be with that person because they are liars.
Anyway. I hope you have a nice week, Stormie.
@purpleHemlock3913
most think i crazy but first time i felt God was in the near death at age around 16 months my brother the bad one was teasing me with rubber ducky mom had left us tree kids him in pool and us other two out of the wading pool other brother followed her into house so he was teasing me moving it close to me then back i fell into the pool i remember being in like a tunnel with light people on each side they being angels without wings i later came to see that but in the tunnel i heard a voice say my child it not your time then within the tuna i felt this amazing love too then i was in like a big hand with water going throw it and looked down a man had my body over a car seat hitting my back it was like i was put back into my body i remember taking a deep breath and hearing she alive thinking my mom thought i was dead that was only the first time in a near death i felt Him i had many near deaths
i accepted Christ at 3yr some say i could not have the the pastors at the church questioned me over and over on what it met and they was shocked how well i understood so think God always been close to me i can not really explain everything i felt and seen most would not believe me even within the sexual abuse i could feel Him close one time i remember looking up seeing a man like being with tears running down His face i to this day believe that was God too
my faith i believe come from a deep understanding that we will suffer in this life it not God fault it due to the sinful nature of humans and Him giving free will in that i came to not blame God for the evil things of this world but to know He with me no matter what i going through it not about not suffering it more about knowing ones not facing it alone having faith not change the stuff one going through but it is how we suffer that matters i many times have felt this peace that no one can explain even in the abuse even in the 24/7 high pain most want to blame God for the bad things in life but same ones never thank God for the blessings in life see if we did not know bad how could we know good if you never saw darkness then how would you know light
to me faith id putting ones hope into the unseen one as in God
for me due to all the times i saw God and yes heard Him in my spirit i know He real
think the scariest time was one night when i was in my bedroom my now ex hubby was chanting burning hair ect i saw the floor open up and beings coming out of it the whole floor was on firer then i looked up say like a war going on between what i call light beings (angels) and what i believe were demons fighting all i could do was stay on my bed and pray yes i was very scared but stuff like that i always felt and even seen at times like i said i can not explain way and yes most would think i was crazy but i only can say it what i seen felt and heard most my life
@stormieandpaws
A memory around the age of 16 months, wow. It must have been an experience to memorize something vivid as early as that. Have you ever felt scared of seeing spiritual beings like them? I've never had that in my life. I don't think you're crazy for having these experiences, Stormie. I'm sorry if someone ever dismiss you like that. Some people have never been through that and don't understand it.
I agree about suffering. I think it's inevitable, and most of those are just humans hurting each other. It's a cycle of hurt. I think what draws me to Jesus is seeing that He (I use the capital he for respect because He is Lord for some people) also suffered. I don't understand the miracle parts of the Bible but I can relate to the crucifixion part. That must had been humiliating and on top of that exceedingly painful. However, Jesus could still show some compassion to those who hurt Him until the very end. I think it's admirable and it showed humility to be able to do that. I'm always drawn to the cross because of that. There's something hopeful about it even though I don't believe He resurrected (I'm sorry about that, but I'm not on that level yet).
Thank you for sharing these stories, Stormie. What a life you have been through, and yet you're still here giving hope to people. It's beautiful. Keep finding hope. You are a blessing.
Happy Sunday. Have a blessed week. 🥰
@purpleHemlock3913
thank you see i not think they scary to me due to i always had them type of spiritual things the only time i can truly say it kinda scared me was trigger warning the night my now ex hubby was chanting and burning blood hair and some other stuff and saw the floor open up and firer and beings coming out of the firer i only could pray yes i saw angels and what i believe now demons fighting above me i think at that point i was scared but not as much due to the spirits but due to my ex hubby actions was not long after that when i raw away in the night when he was working just know i needed to get away from him and his actions physically and spiritually
the memory at 16 months i believe why i remember it is due to it was trauma also spiritual parts too but i think it was also my start of faith in God too i know from a young age He was with me even in the abuse
what many not get is the cross Jesus layed down His life no one took it from Him as He had the power to take Him self down off the cross but due to His love for mankind He did not i love the thing He said the word used mean same as daddy and He ask Him to forgive them for they not know what they doing even within the pain and all on the cross He had compassion for the people would be so nice if mankind showed that to each other in our world what a different it would make
i know many who not share my beliefs but first and foremost Jesus was about love not hate at all
i think suffering has made my faith stronger in the end as i know i not in control of even my own life some one bigger is and well i know even in suffering He with me i know odd to some but i can feel Him with me and no matter what i walking through He by my side
one thing i really hate is when other Christians try to scare others by saying they going to *** ect i find it unloving and lacking being like Jesus in actions as no one can force another into truly accepting Jesus truth is believers like that remind me of the Jewish leaders of Jesus time when He was on earth as they showed no love to others and no mercy acted like they was higher spiritually then others too Christian like that why so many dislike Christians too
i even within my spiritual beliefs do not down others or try to scare them into believing as i do just show them love and at times mercy even to my abusers yes i hated their actions but still had compassion for them too
that the big difference between Christians and Jesus followers in today world
@stormieandpaws
you have beautiful faith, Stormie. Suffering demands us to move in humility. It's an unavoidable part of life, yet we must seek help when we're weak or we will perish.
I think of those Christians are still operating in fear, and they don't understand the people they condemn are acting out of pain. It's hard to understand others until you have been going through the things they also endure. To instill more fear into hurting people will drive them away even further. I don't think it's speaking the truth with love, I think it's more about correcting the behavior without caring about the inner life of the person. It's skin deep for them. It's not truly transformational because one behavior may diminish but they move into other things.
@purpleHemlock3913
i feel when others who say they Christian do the trying to put fear of God into them in end they misunderstand what bible mean about the fear of God it means to respected and see that God higher then us i more like putting into us a deep respected for God not like real fear He will hurt us also see many who been hurt spiritually blame God for everything others did to them i came to see other people did them things not God but God watched them do them things but due to free will He did not stop them so God not to be blamed for actions of other humans
i have had my days i yelled at God asking why He allowed the boys to hurt me even swearing at God in the end God did not like throw lighting at me or other bad things He only listened and cared
one time long long time ago i was yelling at God looking at Him i saw tears going down His face i believe every time a human hurts another God cry as He never met it to be like it is but humans be evil due to sin came into the world
suffering part of being a human no one will not suffer at times in this life but it ones actions when they suffering that matters the most too
@stormieandpaws
I agree. Misunderstanding the Bible can carry some catastrophic consequences, especially when they are taken out of the cultural and historic context at that time. Also, Bible verses are often misquoted to manipulate others. It's lack of discernment and spiritual immaturity.
I think I've also done that, getting angry at the Higher Power. Some things cannot be solved, and those things are crazy-making experiences. Reality requires us to move forward, but we do not have the power or equipment to do so at times. Some things are really, really unfair. Those things are hard to digest emotionally. Some days it's hard to be hopeful. Can anything good come after this? Self-help books make it sound so easy. You just need to do x-y-z. Keep going. Keep going. That's the only thing we can do.
Sorry for being kind of negative. I try not to. I try to be kind and do good things. I also like being real. I just would like to replace all the negative memories with positive and happy ones.
@purpleHemlock3913
it ok to be negative at times as that being real many acted like everything always good but inside they crying screaming even but they not want to look bad to others so they pretend everything great even when nothing great to me that a fake person i use to have to be that way or get hurt more so now i am more real not fake person like many Christians be they think they always have to be good and well if they not then they being weak spiritually not a good Christian but as i read the bible even as young child i see the people in the bible were not always positive and not always happy either so not get were the belief come from that to be a good Christian you have to be
i got really mad not long ago with a offline friend was out with her end up having issues with legs what she said hurt me so much she goes we be healed with Jesus stripes talking about when He was beaten before being placed on cross so she was saying i was healed already i just had to believe it have more faith see that another verse many made to be for physical healing when it not what it talking about it talking about spiritual healing through what He went through so when others use it to be about physical or mental healing it really upset me big time
i not been on much been sick a lot again been sleeping most the week even missed 2 appointments and did not go to my small group yesterday either i see the one doctor next Wednesday about the pinched nerve in my lower back hope something can be done about that soon too
@stormieandpaws
I hope you get well soon. Sorry about that friend, you asked for support but you got judgement instead. I agree with you, she misunderstood the verse completely.
Stormie, what do you do to cheer yourself up, usually? I don't know I usually distract myself when I'm in pain.
This week I redid some decorations to match them with the room's color palette. I bought acrylic paint, cheap brush, and sand paper to repaint it. I enjoyed how the brush touch the surface for no reason. It's calming. I like it. It's like I'm doing oil painting.
@purpleHemlock3913
still been not feeling good so this first i been on in some time i have another doctors appointment wed and think 2 next week i so use to high pain most the time i just do things like art and crafts i learning to do things in like stages as far as like house work i get most my food delivered from Walmart not really go out much other then when home aid with me or on bus ect for doctors appointments with the being dizzy more and well almost passing out i not feel safe going out alone much i did not make it to church yesterday and last Thursday did not make it to small group miss both them but was not feeling up to going hope the doctors can find answers and ways to help
yes so many misuse verses in bible sadly i got mad at another friend she said i was to smart to live in messy apartment i told her had nothing to do with being smart or not had everything to do with physical health stuff that painful think she did not really get that due to she has a like bad leg that make her walk funny but she still able to do a lot painfree so she not get it and i lot younger then her too so many think due to being younger i can do everything they can and even more
i can not use oil painting due to the smell it make me sick so i only use acrylic paints i like how they look better to me them oil paints you can get a heavy acrylic paint that when used it looks a lot like oil paints as it looks layered more then the normal acrylic paints also can water down the acrylic paints and use like water paints so lot you can do with it
one thing that cheer me up is talking to others online i not get out much around people offline so most the talking i do is online
hope you doing ok
@stormieandpaws
I'm alright. Hopefully you can meet your community soon! It's a blessing to be in a community where we feel safe.
About your friend not understanding it's painful to clean the house. I get it. I had had physical pain in the past it's painful to move or even concentrate.
I've tried oil painting and yes I also cannot stand the turpentine smell it's too much I used it to clean the brushes but the smell lingers for 5 days. Unbearable. I bought cheap acrylic paint for small décor projects.
However, I've been wanting to do oil painting for so long. There's something about it. My acrylic paint set has all dried up. My watercolor paint is cheap I cannot do wet on wet with it. I want to draw landscape with greeneries.
@purpleHemlock3913
sorry taken me long time to get back to you i not been online in a few days with cleaning apartment and pain that all i been doing and sleeping but apartment is clean couled have had a inspection today as the government once over the grant that help some with rent here was inspecting 16 apartments' and not even manger know what ones would be inspected my home aid did help but i end up doing a lot too so in pain big time
yes i understand about wanting to do oil paint at one point i did oil paint but now the smell ect set off asthma attacks so no longer can use oil paints i get a lot of my acrylic paint online at place i used when was in college as it good paint and not to costly lot better then like ones get at Walmart i also been getting more into using the paintbrush markers they look like paint does and can draw with them then use a brush tip pen with water in or normal paintbrush with just water on it if want like a more watercolor look
many of my friends and others not understand how much pain i am in most the time so it like ones who never been in very high pain for long time they just can not really understand the nerve doctor said the dizziness is related to the nephropathy and fibro so nothing more can be done for it just another thing i have to live with long term so i just have to be careful sit down when need to and well allow others to know when i am dizzy who around me
@stormieandpaws
It's alright Stormie. I'm just glad you're alright. I imagine it must have been a long week. What's the task that requires much energy? I think dust can accumulate from the forest fire as well, or not?
My living space is small. I don't have much furniture or things but kitchen needs to be cleaned every day especially stove top because I always cook. Other than that I only dust tables (I have minimal table decorations). My books are mostly inside closed bookshelves (like cupboards) so I worry less about dust there.
I know about the acrylic markers! They look great. They are cheaper than Copic markers as well. I used to buy just the grey Copic marker for shadow and green for trees. I'm now trying digital painting. I bought a cheap drawing tablet that I can attach to my computer. So far I only doodled things. I love it. It's still difficult to draw but it's fun.
About pain, people don't understand just because we're not crying it's not painful. I had those days it's hard to think straight it's hard to make decisions. I saw your new post. I gave it a heart. I hope you can see I'm sitting with you, in the middle of the storm. Some pain does last long. We can only go day by day, minute by minute. What's part of you that is unheard or unseen?