BPD Awareness Discussion

1. How do you perceive yourself?

I perceive myself in a good light. I have never let my diagnosis define in many ways. For every way BPD is characterized, I just like to think it's what makes me the Desiree I am. Because of it, I'm more empathetic, resilient, loyal, and more! ♡

2. How do you think someone should talk and communicate with you?

People can talk/communicate to me however they want. Likely they don't even know because it isn't something I go advertising.

3. What usually goes wrong in communication?

Easy. Miscommunication. Or sometimes people just may be beating around the bush instead of being straight forward. I like real. No need to do that to try and spare my feelings. I'm grown and can take it.

4. What are some triggers that make you feel bad?

Younger adult Desiree = far too many triggers especially in dysphoric episodes. I was a very reactionary person. But now in my 30s, I don't allow people to take my power and I realize I'm responsible for my actions or reactions.

5. In what circumstances did you see that you suffer for prolonged struggles due to your BPD?

Took me a long time to actually see that things I was going through was a "struggle". I used to be big time in denial or thoughts others were in denial about me because I wasn't seeing what I was doing. Then when I did, I thought surely this isn't just me but everyone. I was wrong. But now, I embrace "how" I am but I know I'm more than that so it does not define me.

6. What is the main difficulty you experience in your daily life and relationships?

Allowing people to actually be apart of my "world".

7. What are some good and healthy ways to improve/cope with your difficulties?

Easy. I pray to God, write my feelings down, or craft.♡

1. How do you perceive yourself?
   • I used to struggle with an unstable sense of self. Now I'm working on self-love and self-worth. I try to see and believe that I am enough as I am; I don't need to do, achieve, or be anything to be deserving of love.
2. How do you think someone should talk and communicate with you?
   • Just try to be open-minded and validating
3. What usually goes wrong in communication?
   • Misunderstandings or I feel invalidated
4. What are some triggers that make you feel bad?
   • When I perceive invalidation or stereotyping
5. In what circumstances did you see that you suffer for prolonged struggles due to your BPD?
   • When I am moody, I can't do tasks when I don't feel like it; I just feel like freezing up.
6. What is the main difficulty you experience in your daily life and relationships?
   • Trust and intense emotions
7. What are some good and healthy ways to improve/cope with your difficulties?
   • DBT skills! 🌟

Thank you for this discussion, @MeaningfulSilence

@MeaningfulSilence

thank you so much for starting this discussing it really makes me and I am sure others feel like included and able to be heard :) <3

Hi! @MeaningfulSilence and other forum leaders, before I get to the suggested Q & A numbered 1-7 ... Please see here my comments from the first part of the original post. This is sort of for mental illnesses in general, but it is especially impactful for me with this diagnosis (BPD).

Example one: * How to talk to a borderline person?

After this was pointed out to me (several years ago already?), I have the tendency to pounce on the topic; but in at least some cases, this is a good thing. Here's hoping this is a good 'pounce' time.

Example two: * What makes a borderline feel bad?

In both of these questions, the person who has the diagnosis/problem is referred to by the problem, or AS the problem. Yet, we do not do this with other diagnoses. Or if we do, it sounds strange to your ear. Like, How do I talk to a broken-leg? What makes a cancerous-tumor feel bad?

We need to work on people first language.

(NOTE: I am not talking about English here. It goes for any language. It is how words are organized, how topics are conveyed.)

People first language is, in the beginning, a conscious reordering of words.

Instead of "That person in a wheelchair..." We could say, "My friend/person/human who uses a wheelchair to get around..."

Instead of "The cancer-in-Room 33...." We could say, "The patient or the person fighting cancer..."

Similarly, with mental disorders, mental illnesses, etc. ...

Instead of "in talking with a borderline, be sure to ..." Could we say, "When talking with A PERSON who has borderline disorder....

Instead of "My uncle is schizophrenic." We could say, "My uncle who struggles with schizophrenia...."

People first language is an idea, topic meant to be inclusive. Instead of immediately identifying any person as disorder-symptom ... name, the main idea is to call people, people!

My friend has a diagnosis of depression. ---- who: person, what: depression

It puts the person first. The important part, the similar parts - human, Earthling, breathing.... are highlighted. The deformity or illness or symptoms come later. First, we are people! Even here at 7cups FIRST we are all people (well, except Noni-bot). Then we have smaller groupings and sections of the forum for different types of disorders and struggles with certain diagnoses.

Okay, this is getting too long. I hope you hear the passion (yes) but also the love behind what I'm trying to communicate here. ;) Platy

How do I perceive myself?

depends when you ask. Most the time not a very nice person, other times a really good person. I’ve not very good insight and justify all my actions regardless of how warped some may see them. I’m a outcast that doesn’t fit in with very unique lifestyle and personality. I can interact well most the time yet in a general sense I don’t fit into any stereotypical social groups.

how to talk to me?

with respect as I will give it to you unless perceived otherwise. Don’t be overly kind, strong attachment and or paranoia coupled with a deep suspicion, analysing your every move is cannot help. Be honest as I discover a lie and the trust is gone forever. Lastly don’t just cut me off, you have no idea how hard that is.

what goes wrong in communication?

that’s my fault virtually all the time unless you are outwardly rude or hurt vulnerable people. My perception / interpretation of things said is where it goes wrong. It’s very unlikely i will tell you and we’ll if you really want to continue the conversation enquiring and understanding my reaction can clear things up. Unfortunately it must be done in a calm and respectful manner otherwise unfortunately it will escalate 100%. I understand and don’t expect people to do that as it’s a lot of work and is difficult. Just allow the space when it goes wrong, il normally come back to you.

what triggers make me feel bad?

thinking. Sounds strange but allowing thoughts free rain to go where they wish is a guaranteed method to feel bad. Attacking my character, ghosting me or things I so want to fix so bad yet are completely outside my ability. Finding someone has taken advantage of me also is a recipe for feeling bad but alongside rage at them and myself.

in what circumstances did I see that I suffer from prolonged struggles due to BPD?

that’s difficult, the to many referrals to community MH services after my talking with what is justified and valid to myself. The way I am treated and things being being taken so seriously with MH services, does make you really question if you are unwell. The rather unaccepted actions and behaviour I am unable to stop, not being anything I’ve heard from anyone else and therefore remain completely guarded and don’t share is a indication.

what is the main difficulty I experience in daily life and relationships?

Myself, my mind and how it perceives things. Suppressing emotions as i don’t like them and they take hold all to quickly, at such a point I lose control, alternatively if I am struggling with intense emotions not giving me space. Unexpected change isn’t nice and people letting me down as I would never do that to others and move mountains not to. Most importantly is continuing to argue with me, I won’t calm down as I am unable to and the situation will get worse and worse. If my perception has caused it I will not listen or even have the ability to think differently. The confrontation will only result in a very dangerous and extremely negative spiral.

good way to improve and cope?

err… suppressing emotions as much as possible. Routine and keep your mind in the now. When things begin to get to much remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible. And at times of despair, don’t be me, reach out and ask for help.. one quality I am unable to master.

Thread edited by MeaningfulSilence as requested