I love my boyfriend who has BPD and I willing to do whatever it takes to take care of him
After one of my boyfriend's explosive insults and accusations, my boyfriend decided I've changed and he has no use of me. I believe what he says doesn't really bare any meaning and he doesn't want me to go. Before I met him I was severely depressed and suicidal until he came and gave me hope. He took care of me and made me want to live again. I want to do the same for him. I want to take care of him no matter how hard it gets because I love him so much. I understand I have to put in a lot of work on my part to make this relationship work. But recently he said a lot of hurtful things I can't shake off and I want to understand him better. How do I approach my boyfriend to ask about why he feels that way and why he said those things. I'm afraid that if i don't approach this right he might feel like he's being attacked and become defensive which can result in his hostility. I understand that's because of his illness and not who he really is at his core. I want to know because if I can understand why he said that I can rationalise my feelings to not take them personallly.
Hi Birch,
Honestly I did not read your entire post, but I wanted to leave a comment. Based only on the title of your thread, I would say ...
I also have the diagnosis of BPD. While my friend or family person might say this to others, I hope they'd never say this to me. I don't need to be "taken care of" - I am not a child. Although perhaps this desire to be taken care of still exists for many of those with this BPD diagnosis (I don't know, but it does for me sometimes). That alone would make it hard for my friend or family member to know 'how to deal' with me or how to respond. Sometimes I need a strict boundary - stated clearly. Other times I feel like, can't I just be a kid for a little bit? (In part because kids are taken care of.) I'm not sure if this is helpful to you at all :( but I hope it is in some way. ~ Platy
@philosophicalBirch7391, @Cathlisa another good person to talk about BPD things with. And Cath is a Listener :) (technically I am also but .... you know) Have a great week! Merry Christmas, almost! :) #BPDSupport
@philosophicalBirch7391 I agree with @cyanPlatypus6370 with what they are saying. I would like to say perhaps your boyfriend did not mean to say those things ? I know living with BPD I can often say things I don't mean. I don't give my chance to think about what I'm going to say may effect me and others. As a dbt skill I try learn this by not responding right away from my emotions but it sounds like your boyfriend has ? Feel free to message me :) I hope that this helps
